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My sister said this is your new life now

(9 Posts)
Msida Sun 28-Feb-21 18:40:39

Yes that's what she said, it's a different phase in your life, no children, no husband, never get to see the grandchildren when I do it's nothing but drama

But I don't know how to handle this new phase

I am a strong person I'm not feeble but I don't know how to handle my New Phase..

Bridgeit Sun 28-Feb-21 18:55:04

Make lists , one for have to do, one for would like to do, learn to do , can’t do so what should I do etc best wishes

Blinko Sun 28-Feb-21 18:56:42

So sorry you're feeling low at the moment, Msida. It's hard being alone after having had a busy family life. Lots of Grans on here are in the same situation as you find yourself now. I expect hey will be along with helpful advice and encouragement.

Meantime, sending my best wishes and flowers Hang in there!

vampirequeen Mon 01-Mar-21 09:25:00

Good grief, how harsh can she be.

It can take time to get over something like this. If everything has changed you need to grieve from what used to be as well as build your new life.

trisher Mon 01-Mar-21 09:36:17

That's not a nice thing to say but perhaps she is one of those people who have the "pull yourself together" outlook. There's a time and a place for it, but it doesn't help when what you really need is a hug.
To help you look forward take time to spoil yourself. This can be something as simple as a long bubbly bath with candles and essential oils, or special chocolates or just a bunch of flowers. If you have an interest you neglected investigate taking it up again, or even a new one you have always wanted to do. There are lots of on-line advice and courses available.
And perhaps stay away from your sister!
Take one day at a time. You will build a new life but need time to mourn what you have lost.

keepingquiet Mon 01-Mar-21 10:22:21

Change is hard but it is life. Your sister doesn't dictate your life. I have four-so I know!
I have had to handle so many changes in my life but things still knock me for six sometimes.
I am now having counselling again to help me through my current crisis.
I have also kept a journal all through the winter and I have stopped it now because Spring is coming, lockdown is ending (I hope) and I will soon get to see my family after shielding for a whole year.
Sometimes we get changes like bereavement and illness thrust on us like unwelcome guests, sometimes we bring that change on ourselves by moving house, changing jobs etc.
If you've had a lot of negative changes maybe you can begin to make some positive ones to for yourself. Only you know what they may be.
Try to ignore those insensitive remarks people make, often they mean very little.
Listen to yourself and go for what you think you need.

Redhead56 Mon 01-Mar-21 11:41:38

I am from a big family I only keep in touch with two by text usually. One sister had the perfect life ( not) she put the image on while her DH carried on.
Thirty years ago I was married to an abusive vile man who carried on. It took a while going to family court etc but I divorced him.
My sister used to tell me to "get over it" but she didn't have it in her to get rid of her DH and be on her own with two children.
It's a good idea you just casually text your sister only when you feel like. Spring is in the air go and treat yourself to something nice and take care.

Peasblossom Mon 01-Mar-21 11:53:25

It’s the most awful time to even think about a “new phase”.
How can you? We’re all stuck in whatever phase we were in when the virus hit. Older sister?

I don’t know how long ago your husband died, but for me, for at least the first year, perhaps eighteen months I did nothing but endure. To keep living was as much as I could manage. People said one day at a time,but I would think I managed the last mimute, I can manage the next one.

There will be a new phase, but perhaps just to keep going in this one is worthy of praise ?

Hithere Mon 01-Mar-21 12:31:37

Your sister, while not diplomatic at all, is right - bodly expressed and she didnt sugarcoat it

What can you do to adapt to this new phase on life?