Gransnet forums

Ask a gran

Friends when it suits them

(88 Posts)
Madwoman11 Thu 08-Apr-21 09:37:31

Good morning everyone I would like your opinion please.
Last year I became friends with a lady and enjoyed her company, and she was very keen to keep in contact.
However I feel I have been used, because she wanted my daughters professional advice (free) on a business matter. As a favour my daughter did what she could to help, but then this lady seemed to cool off and said she was going to be spending time with another friend.
After a couple of months she contacted me full of niceties, and a couple of days later rang my daughter again for more free advice- my daughter told her she was limited as to what she could do for her unless she provided her with certain documents, and then discussed her fees.
Once again this lady backed off and there was very little contact at all until a couple of weeks ago when she ince again started enthusiastically texting and ringing me, and yes you've probably guessed this was followed by another call to my daughter expecting more free advice.
My daughter told her she was very busy and suggested she use her usual business advisor who she was still using btw but who did not have the qualifications my daughter has.
I'm very cross because this person is making a nuisance of herself, and my daughter is far too busy to deal with her or offer free advice to someone she doesn't even know.
I'm dreading this woman asking me to meet her now, because I really do not want to see her. She appears to have "Friends" who are useful to her for freebies, and in the last 6 months has gad fall outs with 5 people to my knowledge.
How do I say thanks but no thanks to any suggestions to meet up, because she knows I generally have plenty of time for such.

aggie Thu 08-Apr-21 09:40:22

Why bother being polite ? Just say no thanks , in fact don’t answer the phone when she rings !

JustMe Thu 08-Apr-21 09:52:03

That's awful!

If she asks to meet or have 'chats' with you... I would just pre-empt it and say in response to her 'My daughter is very busy and can't respond to anything you want'

Some people have got such a cheek and with that sort, you need to spell it out.

tanith Thu 08-Apr-21 09:57:32

Block her number and tell your daughter to do the same.

rafichagran Thu 08-Apr-21 10:03:14

I would just tell her not to call again and not to contact my daughter, Mumsnet has a name for peopme like her, and it is very apt.
I feel only being truthful will stop this user. Good luck OP

Redhead56 Thu 08-Apr-21 11:00:00

I cannot abide users met plenty over the years ditch her. This lady sounds like a pain in the rear end needs to employ a financial business advisor. I question her role as a business person because why would she expect free advice? If she is self employed there is also the Federation for the Self Employed (FSB) in the uk.
It’s been suggested you and your daughter block her calls good idea. If you happen to bump into her tell her you are sick of nuisance calls.

nadateturbe Thu 08-Apr-21 11:19:18

I think I would block her and if you meet her be honest and just say she only ever contacted you when she needed advice from your daughter, so you're not interested in talking to her.

Madwoman11 Thu 08-Apr-21 11:31:24

Thank you everyone. I certainly won't be meeting her she has sickened me.

nanna8 Thu 08-Apr-21 11:36:44

Yes I agree with the others, block her calls and don’t have anything to do with her. She’s a con artist.

Shandy57 Thu 08-Apr-21 11:44:19

You've reminded me of a new 'friend' I made about fifteen years ago. It became apparent she was just networking and looking for hosts to sell her goods at 'parties'.

I did agree to hold one and after waiting ages for delivery, she rang to say the company had gone bust, I had to phone all my friends and refund their money, such a faff. I didn't contact her or hear from her again. I've no time for time wasters or users now, and very wary of new friendships.

muse Thu 08-Apr-21 13:09:44

Madwoman11

Thank you everyone. I certainly won't be meeting her she has sickened me.

Good decision about not meeting her. I hope you both do block her number on your phones.

jaylucy Thu 08-Apr-21 13:15:03

I thought I had a friend from when we used to travel home from the bus each day from work over a number of years. She moved into my village and I helped her to get to know a few people to help to settle in.
Then she changed her job to one in the next village. She now speaks to me when I see her only if there is no one else around that seems more interesting to her!

Judy54 Thu 08-Apr-21 13:20:50

Oh *Madwoman11" it is so awful when people use you like that. Yes block her and tell her firmly NO. Often such people move on to someone else when they cannot get what they want from you because everything revolves around them and they have no thoughts about you at all. Proves she is not a friend at all unless you are doing what she wants.

EllanVannin Thu 08-Apr-21 13:28:46

What a horrible woman. I call people like that, " users ". They pick your brains then drop you like a hot brick. I'd be telling her to take her hooks ( or words to that effect ) and find another mug.

Lollin Thu 08-Apr-21 14:26:32

Horribly selfish such users and they always seem to have lots of friends. Just a user you owe her no explanation when rejecting her suggestions for meeting. I’m intrigued to know what Mumsnet call such people rafichagran

Dinahmo Thu 08-Apr-21 14:32:23

Just tell her no. Your daughter seems quite capable of telling the woman no and is more likely to result in the desired affect than you telling her.

Madwoman11 Thu 08-Apr-21 14:37:53

You are so right Judy54. She picks up "Friends" wherever she goes, and is quite pushy getting her own way. Then moves on to others that meet her needs.
It's no loss to me, but I'm annoyed on my daughters behalf.

AmberSpyglass Thu 08-Apr-21 14:43:18

If she tries to contact your daughter again, she should do what I do when people try and milk me for free advice - invoice her for the conversation!

AGAA4 Thu 08-Apr-21 15:14:51

Pathetic really that the only time she befriends people is to get something from them. She is unlikely to have many true friends if she uses people like this.

welbeck Thu 08-Apr-21 17:51:22

I’m intrigued to know what Mumsnet call such people

they call them cheeky pluckers, CF for short.
also its cognates, cheeky pluckery going on.

crazygranny Sun 11-Apr-21 10:33:38

This person isn't any kind of friend. Be your usual polite self but end contact.

Brownowl564 Sun 11-Apr-21 10:36:31

Why are you worrying? Just text her and ask her not to call you or your daughter again, clearly she is a user and not interested in genuine friendship, the fault is all hers so don’t fret about it

SecondhandRose Sun 11-Apr-21 10:36:35

Sorry to hear this. I was once given a great tip. Anything she suggests just say you’ll have to check your diary then dont bother and dont get back to her. I used to have a ‘friend’ like this. She would basically make arrangements to come over with her son and then make excuses to leave. I was just a free babysitter and sadly not a friend.

Susanjaylibra Sun 11-Apr-21 10:36:36

Block her number - she is a user
- have you ever asked her for something?

elleks Sun 11-Apr-21 10:38:11

We know someone like that. She's a neighbor. My husband has health problems, and she used to come round to talk to him, and offer to help; then she'd ask to borrow money. Every! single! time!.