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Early words from your future mil

(94 Posts)
25Avalon Wed 14-Apr-21 10:57:55

What words do you remember from your early meetings with your future mil? Mine demanded to know if I was on the pill (it was the 60’s) which as a young 18 year old I found highly embarrassing. I think she may have been trying to appear with it if I am charitable but probably not.

When my mother first met her future mil she demanded “And how old are you?” And spent the rest of her life trying to put mum down as she resented her taking my father away.

ixion Wed 14-Apr-21 11:08:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Redhead56 Wed 14-Apr-21 11:14:06

My future mil asked me a few personal questions about my previous marriage and my children. She told me she didn’t like her sons few previous partners at all. Then she said she wanted to meet my children and told her son to marry me before I get away!
We are from different backgrounds it didn’t matter to her. She was criticised by family members for accepting me but she did not care. She adored me and the children we had a wonderful relationship and I was privileged she was my mil.

foxie48 Wed 14-Apr-21 11:19:10

Mine was charming and kind, made me and my daughter from my first marriage really welcome. I married second time round into a lovely family and it was a pleasure to have my MIL living with us for the last few years of her life. As an older divorced woman I was not necessarily her first choice as a DIL but if she thought that, she certainly never showed it.

watermeadow Wed 14-Apr-21 11:25:37

I loved my MiL though we lived far apart and kept in touch with frequent letters.
Not early on but years later she told me, “When you two part I’ll be on your side” This was before I’d ever considered divorce.
My husband was an only child but never appeared to love or respect his parents as I did.

EllanVannin Wed 14-Apr-21 11:29:01

I couldn't have asked for better in-laws. Can't say anything more.

MiniMoon Wed 14-Apr-21 11:45:38

When DH told his mother that we were getting married she said "what, its a bit early". We had known each other for over 10 years, and he was 29!
I liked my MiL but she was not a demonstrative person, I rather suspect that she had autism, as I know DH has, as does my DD.

Calendargirl Wed 14-Apr-21 11:54:30

Can’t remember anything my MIL said about me, apart from saying to her son, my DH, that ‘Calendargirl won’t waste your money like....(previous girlfriend) did’.

Think this was because after we had been courting for a while, I encouraged him to open his own building society account, to save for the future, as he had very little savings. I pointed out that if we went on to marry, it would be useful, and even if we split up, he would still have some savings of his own.

Win, win really, for him.

NotSpaghetti Wed 14-Apr-21 13:59:38

Both families thought we were too young.
My mother-in-law never said anything but of course we knew.

As the years have gone by she has been very sweet to me, and spoken well of me - and about me - both to my face and (apparently) when talking about me to others.

It's nice to know that she is fond of me, I have to admit. I love her simply for producing my wonderful husband.
Thank You mother-in-law!

Ellianne Wed 14-Apr-21 14:10:42

The first time I met my mil, and ever after, she kept telling me how wonderful her darling daughter, my DH's sister, was. I never understood that and it really irritated me that she hardly ever mentioned her son, the person I married.

Oopsadaisy1 Wed 14-Apr-21 14:11:34

Mine rarely spoke to me, after we had been going out together for nearly a year she persuaded DHs uncle to offer him a job 200 miles away, it was a very good job offer as he owned lots of Companies, but DH said no thanks.
We only found out about this after we had the children.
She was a piece of work!

NotSpaghetti Wed 14-Apr-21 15:15:11

Ellianne, maybe she assumed you knew all about your husband and didn't need to hear it?

I know it's slightly different but I only found out about all the different and positive things my mother said about my husband at her funeral.
People who had barely met him had all been told about how wonderful he was and were eager to tell him how much she loved him.

I have been careful to tell my sons-in-law, long-term partners of my children, and my daughter-in-law exactly how much I value them. I look for the best in them, try to let them know how important they are. I hope I do this with my own adult children too... it's important to acknowledge our love and admiration as one day it will be too late.

Kate1949 Wed 14-Apr-21 15:54:02

I can't remember. It was 52 years ago. I know she didn't like me. I was shy and unworldly. She took it to be stand-off-ish and she loved my DH's previous girlfriend.

suziewoozie Wed 14-Apr-21 16:00:40

We were in our 30s . She said ‘dad’ ( what she called her husband) is really pleased , he’s been worried the neighbours think MrSW is queer’ 😀

nadateturbe Wed 14-Apr-21 16:03:24

MiL was pleasant when we started dating. UI don't remember anything special hut when we were engaged she told me her son would want chips every night with his dinner. I told her it wouldn't be happening.

Sara1954 Wed 14-Apr-21 16:15:38

My husband had married for the first time in his teens, I suppose it was doomed to failure, but my mother in law was extremely fond of his young wife, and very upset at the break up.
Enter me, with small child, not what she was hoping for, she never really warmed to me, but in fairness to her, she loved my daughter, and always treated all the children the same, including what she left in her will.

Alegrias1 Wed 14-Apr-21 16:18:03

I've been very vegetarian a long time. Round at future MiL's house one Sunday she proudly produced a beautifully cooked Sunday lunch, with vegetables for me because she couldn't think of anything veggie to feed me. Not a problem, it was before vegetarianism was quite so mainstream.

She then proudly told us that the roasties were done in goose fat, so I had to explain I couldn't eat them. She said: Can't you just scrape out the soft bits in the middle? grin

Bless her.

Grandma70s Wed 14-Apr-21 16:21:59

My in-laws were Australian, so I didn’t see them all that often. She quite approved of me in theory, but I’m sure she resented the fact that I was English and my husband was happy to live in England. She thought I was spoilt, and by some standards I probably was/am. She tried very hard to do the right thing, but I sensed her resentment. I didn’t actually meet my in-laws until after I was married, so they were presented with a fait accompli!

My father-in-law was adorable. Gentle, kind, probably a bit henpecked, or at least dominated by his wife. I really loved him.

Artaylar Wed 14-Apr-21 16:34:22

DH and I married fairly late in life in 2011.

MiL 90 at the time was a really lovely, if formidable lady.

She loved her son dearly, but was under no illusions about him and his legendary levels of laziness and inactivity, and shortly before the wedding she asked me ' are you sure you know what you are taking on'

Our respective families lived in different parts of the country and the wedding was the first time they met. Dad told me that my husband's dear mother told him that 'she was pleased with the match'........praise indeed as she never tolerated fools lightly.

I loved her very much and we would spend hours talking in her little kitchen when I visited her. Sadly this special lady is no longer with us, and is very much missed.

H1954 Wed 14-Apr-21 16:45:31

I never had a great relationship with my MIL. She had two daughters, one of them was very aloof, thinking herself better than all the family and the other was insanely jealous of me.
MIL would criticise my clothes, hairstyle, job etc and when we started a family nothing I ever did was right by her; even down to the names we chose for our babies.

H1954 Wed 14-Apr-21 16:48:08

Alegrias1

I've been very vegetarian a long time. Round at future MiL's house one Sunday she proudly produced a beautifully cooked Sunday lunch, with vegetables for me because she couldn't think of anything veggie to feed me. Not a problem, it was before vegetarianism was quite so mainstream.

She then proudly told us that the roasties were done in goose fat, so I had to explain I couldn't eat them. She said: Can't you just scrape out the soft bits in the middle? grin

Bless her.

🤣🤣 That reminded me of the sketch on the Royle Family where Nana offers Anthonys vegetarian girlfriend a "wafer-thin ham" sandwich.

Elusivebutterfly Wed 14-Apr-21 16:54:49

My MIL was very blunt and did not believe in being tactful so could be offensive at times. When I got my engagement ring, we went to show it off to her and she just said "what a waste of money!"

M0nica Wed 14-Apr-21 17:21:05

I honestly cannot remember. She just made me welcome. She was a lovely lady and I loved her dearly.

Maggiemaybe Wed 14-Apr-21 17:40:56

She was a love, and made me very welcome. But she did laugh till she cried when she was serving up our meal and asked me if I liked scallops. Oh yes, I said, yes, I love all seafood. This was my introduction to the Yorkshire scallop, battered potato. And I love them. smile

joannapiano Wed 14-Apr-21 18:53:19

I was 17, and in the 6th form, as was future DH, when I met his family for the first time. I was very shy, but thought it went well. I learnt later that MIL just said “Her skirt was very short!”
I got on with her alright, but she was very fond of giving me “good” advice. I accepted with good grace then ignored it.