Pregnant DIL needs advice about MIL who wants to come down for a visit for DGC's birthday

I would totally understand and suggest that for this year, your DGC , rather like HM The Queen, has two birthdays, an actual one and an official one. Keeping you and your babies safe is the priority at the moment.

I would tell them what you told us here - it is a super reasonable request.

"DH and I don't want to take any risks with Covid, etc.. We'd be happy for them to come down at a later point and have an extended stay, once I give birth but we are still shielding as I'm not vaccinated."
Tell them exactly this, with apologies. They have asked so the choice is yours and please don't do anything you feel uncomfortable with at this stage of your pregnancy. They will not want to take any risks with your family. Presumably it will be a small birthday celebration with no-one else invited so they are not likely to be upset. You can invite them to join you for on-screen candle-blowing and virtual present-giving.

It's not a healthy relationship if you have to walk on eggshells when communicating with your MIL. It sounds like you do more than enough including her. Just have your husband explain and she should understand if she is reasonable. It's okay if she is disappointed which is understandable, but she should respect and understand your concerns. It's not personal. If she doesn't understand it's for her to deal with. You can include them in other ways as suggested above.

She's lucky to have you

And of course, just say no.

Not the time for you to be entertaining her when pregnant and with the virus still knocking around.

OP

You cannot modify your responses and behaviour to appease your mil for something you have no control over, her estrangement with her daughter.

You need to do what is best for your own family - if your mil is reasonable, she will understand.

What everyone else has said. Just tell her simply what you've stated here. Perhaps during a video chat, you and your husband together can nonchalantly tell them what you're planning to do regarding the birthday party (e.g. online party or delayed celebration). They will express disappointment and that's fine. Let them know you're disappointed too but don't dwell on it.

We have mailed birthday and holiday gifts to our dgc and watched them open online. We sing Happy Birthday with them and clap when the candles are blown out. Though we miss them to pieces, we enjoy what we can. It is what it is.

You are a good dil. Take care of yourself and your family.

"Oh it will be so lovely to see you but at the moment we are being extra extra careful because of Covid and U haven't had a vaccination. Once the baby is born and I have had my jab it will be lovely for us to have an extended stay for a really good catch up. How about we facetime on * birthday and she can show you all her presents .... And that lively catch up will be something really nice to look forward to"

If your MIL is sensible she will accept this fine.

Can they come and stay in a hotel nearby? Meet you at the pub or a cafe outside - or in the park maybe? Just a thought. I can see both sides but if you’re not comfortable just be kind and honest and offer a compromise as suggested above. Good luck. Hope your pregnancy goes well.

What a lovely DIL you are !
However, there is no way they should visit at present. Just because they have been vaccinated does not mean they cannot transmit the virus.
Of course be kind but also firm, your family are the priority.

Just say no, if you say to come down and stay elsewhere they will still be with you all day.

Explain that it’s because of Covid, it’s sad but there you go.......

You don’t need to grovel about it, just be clear that they can come and stay later (much later) in the year, but that you will invite them when you and your DH feel it’s safe.

You could tell them you have been advised by your medical team that under no circumstances are you to mix with anyone outside your immediate household, you are all disappointed but looking forward to a real party and get together after the new baby has arrived and all of the family have been vaccinated.
As already suggested have a zoom call so they can sing Happy Birthday and watch card and present opening.
Even the most determined MIL will want you all to be safe and healthy and you do not need any extra stress.

What a shame that your mother-in-law has put you in this position. I think your response is perfectly reasonable and I would hope that your m-i-l would see it as such.

Good luck with your pregnancy!

Just because they are vaccinated doesn't mean they can't contract covid or pass it on. A friend is just off to visit her DD and baby. Her DD has told her she will have to take a covid test on the doorstep before she will let her into the house. Not sure what happens if it's positive I suppose she will have to go home! The point is you aren't being difficult or unreasonable. If they really want to come they can stay elsewhere and you can meet up outside somewhere, perhaps for a meal. If they won't do that then you are quite justified in saying "Not yet."

Your in-laws have asked if they can visit therefore you can reply to their request with the perfectly reasonable explanations concerning the covid situation and your pregnancy you have given here.
No need to post about it.

I'd definitely say that the doctors have said for the safety of you and the baby that you have to shield....that you are all very disappointed but can't risk it and will be so happy to see them once you are allowed to.

EASYBEE

That's a bit unkind what's wrong with posting to ask advice

If I were you I would probably blame the situation which is the truth. No need to apologise. It is a fact, sadly, that we all have to make sacrifices and are not able to do everything we would like.
When it's allowed, you can tell her that she can come.

Unless there is another reason you are not telling us about? Sometimes there's a battle of the grannies going on on these threads.

Best of luck with the impending birth.

there's no need to post about anything; we do it to amuse ourselves or seek other opinions, that's rather the point of a forum.

OP don't be apologetic.
MIL should not be setting the agenda anyway.
she should wait to be invited.
why did she fall out with her daughter. was she over-bearing.

If you're in England, only garden visits are allowed until May 17th.
No-one can stay in a hotel for a social visit until May 17th.
Your mother-in-law surely wouldn't expect you to break any laws?

www.gov.uk/guidance/covid-19-coronavirus-restrictions-what-you-can-and-cannot-do