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Going Back to your Maiden Name

(42 Posts)
Msida Fri 07-May-21 18:48:44

As most may know I lost my husband and now that I am not married anymore which sounds so scary saying out load.. Well I was thinking.. Shall I go back to my Maiden name.

I'm not sure what to do, giving my surname feels a bit funny and not comedy funny

What did you do when your husband died about your name

M0nica Fri 07-May-21 19:01:52

Msida, DH is still with me, ut it is something I have contemplated.

I wanted to keep my maiden name when I got married, but in 1968, it was beyond the pale. I was told, erroneously, that the law required me to have my married name on my passport and I could not have a bank account in my maiden name. In the end I gave up, but I have often thought about it since and DDiL has kept her maiden name and I am deeply envious.

Peasblossom Fri 07-May-21 19:05:45

I kept my married name. I liked it better and it was the children’s surname so it saved confusion.

Welshwife Fri 07-May-21 19:07:49

Here in France your maiden name remains with you and your married name is often the name of usage. On my French residence card it has my maiden name and then says ‘wife of ‘and my husbands surname. It is your choice which name you use.

Grandmabatty Fri 07-May-21 19:10:23

I went back to my maiden name when I divorced. It was easy(in Scotland) and has never been a problem.

EllanVannin Fri 07-May-21 19:26:17

Is it one that you can "double-barrel ?" Still using both surnames. That way you can hang on to your maiden name. If you like that sort of thing.

Personally I had no qualms about keeping my married name when I was widowed and still refer myself to " Mrs ".

crazyH Fri 07-May-21 19:35:03

I’m divorced and would have liked to go back to my maiden name, but there was too much of a bother, so I didn’t. Strangely enough, my 18year old granddaughter was telling me the other day, she would like to adopt my maiden name. because she loves the sound of it 😂

mokryna Fri 07-May-21 20:11:34

Welshwife

Here in France your maiden name remains with you and your married name is often the name of usage. On my French residence card it has my maiden name and then says ‘wife of ‘and my husbands surname. It is your choice which name you use.

Go with whatever you are comfortable with, Mrs or Ms followed by either maiden or married name. It may take a lot of paperwork, passport, medical, banks etc.

I know it isn’t your case but it is expected a divorcée, in France, will go back to her maiden name. If she wishes to keep her husband’s name she has to ask his permission..
Deaths are reported in the paper with the woman’s maiden name even though they were still married. A bit confusing as we didn’t know them with their maiden name.
To be polite, a single older women are called Madame with their maiden name.

gmarie Fri 07-May-21 20:19:59

I use both and it's sort of nice to retain both "identities", so to speak. When I divorced I kept my married name because I felt closer to my sons that way especially since I then got a job as a teacher at their school. I decided to use my maiden name on my credit card, emails, bills, etc. as that helped me feel like an independent woman with a fresh start. It also made me feel closer to my dad.

gmarie Fri 07-May-21 20:24:44

I wanted to add to the above that I'm surprised at how really comfortable I feel with one name or the other depending on the circumstances. I actually "own" both names and love it.

Hellogirl1 Fri 07-May-21 20:50:29

As far as I`m concerned, I`m still David`s wife, so am still Mrs. xxxxxxx

biglouis Fri 07-May-21 20:59:28

I didnt like my maiden name so I just chose another one that was "in the family" when I divorced.

In the UK you can just change your surname by usage. That means writing to people like your bank, employer, doctor etc. If you want to make it a bit more formal (for example to change your passport) you just get a form called a statutory declaration (available from a law stationers) and make a statement declaring that you XXX then ask someone like a doctor, bank manager or clergyman to witness it.

You can also formally change it by deed poll (a legal process) but that is usually reserved for when a child has been adopted and takes the name of the new parents. I changed mine in the 1970s.

Elusivebutterfly Fri 07-May-21 20:59:48

I reverted to my maiden name when I divorced. I remarried and am now widowed. I have kept my married name this time. I think it is more common for widows to keep their married name though I did consider reverting to my maiden name again. One issue is that my maiden name is unusual so often misspelt and my married name is easier.

tanith Fri 07-May-21 21:12:46

I wanted to use my maiden name after I was widowed but it felt a bit disloyal (silly really) and it was too big a faff so I stayed with my married name.

Grandma70s Fri 07-May-21 21:16:31

M0nica

*Msida*, DH is still with me, ut it is something I have contemplated.

I wanted to keep my maiden name when I got married, but in 1968, it was beyond the pale. I was told, erroneously, that the law required me to have my married name on my passport and I could not have a bank account in my maiden name. In the end I gave up, but I have often thought about it since and DDiL has kept her maiden name and I am deeply envious.

Same here, DIL included. I think I knew I could keep my maiden name, and basically wanted to, but in the end I took the easy option. My maiden name was very hard to spell and pronounce, and at first it was such a relief to be able to give my name and not have to explain it. Now, though, I would love to have my unusual name back. My husband died so long ago that I just don’t feel as if I belong to his family, so I feel I have the wrong name.

The more I think about it, the more it seems ridiculously outdated to take the husband’s name. I was quite shocked when my nephew’s wife’s took his.

annsixty Fri 07-May-21 22:13:33

It had never occurred to me to revert to my maiden name on my H’s death, I find it a strange concept.
I had had my maiden name for 21 years and my married name for over 60.
A friend on remarriage kept her H’s name and her new H’s with his blessing.

FannyCornforth Sat 08-May-21 04:07:04

I'm sorry for your loss Msidaflowers

I think that the way that you are feeling may be part of your grieving process.

I think that if you revert to your maiden name you may regret it.

More pragmatically, I think that it would be the most tremendous faff.

FannyCornforth Sat 08-May-21 04:08:42

I see that I've used the exact same word as tanithsmile

vegansrock Sat 08-May-21 05:41:32

I never changed mine when I first got married, was very pleased about that as we subsequently divorced. I’ve since remarried and kept my own name. My eldest daughter uses my maiden name now too.

Kim19 Sat 08-May-21 06:12:28

Gosh... never really occurred to me to revert. Guess my husband would have been hurt/sad so it's a no no. Maiden name was fine but unspectacular and I'm undoubtedly too lazy to indulge in the formalities of change. Did change my Christian name and seem to recollect that was decidedly straightforward.

absent Sat 08-May-21 06:24:27

I have always used my maiden name but when I married my first husband, I kept my maiden name for professional purposes but also used my husband's name as part of the family. When we divorced I reverted to my maiden name full time. I did not take my second husband's surname when we married, although there is no reason why I couldn't if I felt like it, but he is quite often called Mr absent.

MissChateline Sat 08-May-21 06:36:06

I have been married twice to men and am now in a civil partnership with my wife. At no point have I ever changed my name to that of my husband or partner. In fact it never crossed my mind to take someone else’s name. My children took their fathers name as it seemed easier at the time. I guess that this was rather unusual in the mid seventies but it has never been a problem.

Calendargirl Sat 08-May-21 07:45:58

I was thrilled to take my husband’s name when I married. It would never have occurred to me to keep using my maiden name, and to me it was obvious that the children would be called by his name also.

If I were widowed, I would still use his name.

I can well imagine changing back to my maiden name if I had ever got divorced though.

Galaxy Sat 08-May-21 07:48:53

I have always kept my maiden name, I wanted to keep it for professional reasons and because it's a very odd tradition.

Marmight Sat 08-May-21 08:07:44

I kept my married name after I was widowed. Even though he’s no longer here I still feel married to him and feel it would be an insult to revert to my maiden name. Also, some suggested to me that widows no longer wear their wedding ring. I’d never heard of that before. Mine stays firmly where it belongs. 2 of the GCs have the family name as a 2nd christian name, so it continues.....