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Son in law - dislike

(106 Posts)
Chookstar73 Mon 13-Sep-21 12:43:22

Hi all
We have a daughter who has changed from being a huge off the bone meat eater to meeting her partner and now has turned vegan. All the things she has been bought up on have gone out the window to join the partners view. We have five children and all have beautiful, polite and respectful partners and have bought us many fantastic grandchildren to the world.
How can one person come into her life, change her dramatically to follow his views and values and forget the wonderful things we have given her. We feel he has manipulated her and all the other children dislike him especially what he is doing to her.
I feel like I don’t want to be around her as every time I cry as I feel I have totally lost connection.
I’m so upset and don’t know what to do 😢

annsixty Mon 13-Sep-21 12:49:21

Is this really the only thing you have against him?
Does he make your daughter happy.
Is he a good husband to her?
Simply being a vegan is no bad thing in my eyes.
Does he beat her, keep her short of money, belittle her in your company?
That would be my criteria for liking or disliking him.

Lucca Mon 13-Sep-21 12:50:48

No sorry I don’t buy this.

wildswan16 Mon 13-Sep-21 12:51:51

Do you really expect all your children to hold exactly the same views, likes and dislikes as you? Deciding to stop eating meat is a life choice thousands of people (young and old) are making.

Maybe you should get to know your daughter a little better, welcome her partner into your family and delight in having brought up an independent young woman.

BlueBelle Mon 13-Sep-21 12:52:19

Oh come on of course our children change
I doubt he’s a big bad wolf but if everyone in your big family is against him what quicker way is there to push her more tightly to him
So you’re upset because she’s turned from a carnivore to a vegan oh really you have to get over yourself I can’t believe anyone could be that small minded
I would think your daughter and son in law would be well advised to move away and get on with their lives in the way they see fit and you can get on with the rest of the family who seem to fit into your perfect ideas and ways
I m sorry but I can’t muster up any sympathy for you at all each of our children should be FREE to choose their own path not become a ‘mummy me’
Are you in Australia ?

crazyH Mon 13-Sep-21 12:54:38

Becoming vegan isn't such an awful thing. But if he is trying to manipulate your daughter into distancing herself from her family, that's bad. However, if he makes her happy, that's all that matters, I guess. Don't be too harsh on him
You haven't said exactly how she has changed, other than turning vegan....

Riverwalk Mon 13-Sep-21 12:55:29

Oh, give over! I don't believe a word.

ExDancer Mon 13-Sep-21 13:05:01

Not much you can do really is there?
She's married someone with strong views, who seems to be controlling, and who has influenced her diet in an extreme way. But don't fret, don't interfere.
If she does embrace veganism she'll have to study nutrition at depth in order to make sure she gets all the vitamins she needs, and I think she'll need supplements from her doctor too (others will know more than me on this subject).
Whatever their age, our children will always embrace the opposite views to their parents so please keep your dislike under wraps. I know couples who live happily together with one of them eating meat and the other not.
The food issue is really not a problem though is it?
You don't tell us what the other issues are, I get the impression there's more to it than just the diet differences, what's really worrying you here?

GagaJo Mon 13-Sep-21 13:05:56

Our children can hold ideas and values diametrically opposed to ours Chookstar73. That's life. So she no longer eats meat. That really isn't a bit deal.

You need to rein in behaviour like this, 'I feel like I don’t want to be around her as every time I cry ' or you DO risk losing her.

Even if he was an abusive partner (and converting someone to veganism is about as far away from abusive as it is possible to get), putting non-verbal pressure on her would create even more distance.

So 1 out of 5 children hasn't followed a path you approve of? Her choice.

Lucca Mon 13-Sep-21 13:10:22


Oh, give over! I don't believe a word.

Exactly. This cannot be a genuine post.

Grandmabatty Mon 13-Sep-21 13:10:45

This is the latest in a run of threads where the op is 'distraught' or 'hates sil'. They rarely come back and the premise is usually ridiculous,as in this case.

BlueBelle Mon 13-Sep-21 13:13:08

Turning to veganism I d say ‘good on her’ although I do wonder if this can be a genuine post can a woman really be as controlling and clingy as this grandmother goodness me get on with your own life chook and stop trying to control and dominate your children’s

rafichagran Mon 13-Sep-21 13:13:15

I find this strange and hard to believe.

Elless Mon 13-Sep-21 13:16:41

Chookstar73 I have total sympathy, I am the other way round, my son was always confident, strong, independent and (not that we forced him) agreed with our opinions and views, he has now totally changed after meeting his now wife, he too has become vegan and his views on everything have changed, I feel I do not know him any more, we have 5 children and his 4 brothers agree that you can't talk to him any more. My son is now estranged and we haven't spoken to him for 3 years (I do believe because his wife has influenced him). You need to weigh up what to do otherwise it will end up in an estrangement.

Blossoming Mon 13-Sep-21 13:31:50

So, if you want to get some peace from interfering, overbearing in-laws you should just turn vegan!

Callistemon Mon 13-Sep-21 13:37:16

SIL is vegan - shock, horror.

What a dreadful man he must be.
Advise your DD to LTB.

GillT57 Mon 13-Sep-21 13:38:56

Good grief.

beautiful, polite and respectful partners and have bought us many fantastic grandchildren to the world. Respectful?? It sounds as if your new son in law, if this is true, has saved your daughter from your rather sinister, controlling, perfect family. Good for her for turning away from being a huge off the bone meat eater, it sounds as if he has more concern and respect for the environment and her health than you have.

Smileless2012 Mon 13-Sep-21 13:42:53

Well let's just consider for a moment that this a genuine post, the OP's unlikely to come back if she's going to be met with disbeliefangry.

If your D becoming a vegan is the only change you've noticed then I wouldn't worry Chookstar. If however this isn't the only change you're seeing then I understand why you're upset, especially if you no longer feel the connection you once had.

Like Elless we are also estranged from our youngest son ans have been for more than 8 years.

If there's more to this and you don't feel comfortable saying too much on an open forum, please feel free to send me a private messageflowers.

Ro60 Mon 13-Sep-21 13:44:43

Agree with Lucca &a few others. Fishy😏

Anyway it's the new way forward to sustain the planet.

JaneJudge Mon 13-Sep-21 13:49:55

My daughter has dietry needs so eats a lot of vegan food and that cocunut collective stuff is actually bloody expensive lovely. The yogurts and coconut cheese. We have that oatly spread too which is quite nice.

Daisend1 Mon 13-Sep-21 13:50:44

The cord was cut the day you gave birth.

kittylester Mon 13-Sep-21 14:00:19

Hello chookstar are you new to gn. If so welcome!

Bibbity Mon 13-Sep-21 14:02:25

You do not own your children. They are individuals who develop their own views and behaviours.
Your approval is not necessary.

Can you actually list the crimes?
Or is vegan as bad as it gets?

Madgran77 Mon 13-Sep-21 14:02:58

It seems to me that if every time there is a thread started where a poster is clearly upset (yes possibly seemingly rather dramatically, but still upset) and is immediately accused of making it up and not being believed, then if it is genuine of course they won't come back!. I have also seen some fairly emotional threads started as described where the poster HAS come back and made it clear that they are genuine! Yes sometimes our emotions overtake on what to others seems ridiculous ...but we are all different!

Chookstar73 If your only upset because your daughter has become vegan like her partner then I think you need to take a step back, accept her for her choices.

I get the impression from your post though, that there is more worrying you regarding the change in your daughter, how she has changed etc. and if that is the case then a little more detail would be helpful. However it would be understandable if you do not feel able to give more detail here. flowers

Callistemon Mon 13-Sep-21 14:08:09

I find your username interesting, Chookstar especially as the post is about a vegan SIL.

Do you eat your own chooks? Do you think that could be another influence in your DD's decision to become vegan?