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Grandson bitten at playschool

(75 Posts)
faye17 Thu 14-Oct-21 08:42:37

Help please!
My three-year-old grandson was bitten by a class-mate on Monday in playschool.
We're all very upset but trying to handle it calmly.
Our little guy was very upset but he did go back to school the following day.
Having been in lockdown - at home with parents working from home from age 18 months, he was tearful first two days when he started playschool in September but quickly adjusted and looked forward to going each day. Now he is saying he doesn't want togo.
I'm unsure how to talk to him about what happened on Monday and would really appreciate your thoughts and advice please

Gwyneth Thu 14-Oct-21 08:47:38

My son, many years ago was bitten at play school. I let the staff deal with it (they were excellent) so I didn’t make a big fuss about it. He was fine.

Galaxy Thu 14-Oct-21 08:52:10

Are you his main carer? If so have a talk to the staff they will have dealt with this a lot. They should have numerous strategies to reassure your gs, it is quite a common occurrence in pre schools.

Shelbel Thu 14-Oct-21 08:53:07

How was it handled by the pre school? If it was handled correctly with the biter saying sorry and he wouldn't do it again etc plus the staff reassuring your GC then his fears should soon be gone.

Personally, I really dislike children who bite. Neither of mine did so I would have been horrified. A nephew of mine was a biter - his mother bit him back! I'm not sure I agree with that but it was 25 years ago and the past is a another country, they do things differently there as the sayi g goes (or something like that grin).
I can't remember if it worked.

Humbertbear Thu 14-Oct-21 08:55:26

I would check that the school have informed the other child’s parents of the incident and then leave it to the school.

faye17 Thu 14-Oct-21 08:56:53

His parents are his main carers but we have helped out a lot and currently collect him twice a week from playschool then taking him home to ours ( Nanny & Grandad's) for the afternoon

Galaxy Thu 14-Oct-21 08:57:53

They wont be able to talk to you about their specific interactions with the other parents, they will be able to discuss their general approach when dealing with an incident.

aggie Thu 14-Oct-21 08:57:54

Don’t make a fuss ! The staff are trained to cope , you don’t want to build it up in his head , but if he tells you about it , tell him how sad you were to hear about it but you are sure it won’t happen again

VioletSky Thu 14-Oct-21 09:02:14

Hopefully staff will have dealt with this and will be keeping a close eye on things. They should also be looking at whether the child who did the biting is having communication difficulties.

I would not make a fuss in front of grandson and stay calm, if all the adults around him are angry and upset he will associate being at nursery as bad.

He will hopefully move on from this quickly and enjoy his time there. If he is upset at drop off staff will quickly have him happy and playing again

DiscoDancer1975 Thu 14-Oct-21 09:02:50

These things happen I’m afraid. As long as you keep an eye out for infection, it’s best to let the nursery and his parents handle it. He’ll be ok,,,and will have forgotten all about it after a few more visits to playgroup.

faye17 Thu 14-Oct-21 09:06:11

From what my son and his wife say the school handled it correctly- other child apologised, parents informed and a general chat with class on behaviour.
I know all children differ but as previous poster said my children didn't bite and were not aggressive children in any way.
My concern ( perhaps uncalled for) is how my little grandson is interpreting the incident in his own mind - I want him to be able to resolve it in his own mind.
As he's saying he doesn't want to go to school I feel that hasn't happened and I need to know how best to help that process...

Galaxy Thu 14-Oct-21 09:12:26

I work in early years, in a range of different settings, it is Thursday, (I only work part time) I have seen 8 incidents this week. It's not necessarily about aggression, it's about children working out how to interact, or about complex additional needs, or about children who are experiencing complex difficulties at home or many other reasons. I do think the advice about reassurance, and not making a big deal about it is the best. He will have had a shock but if the adults around him offer consistent reassurance he will be fine.

nanna8 Thu 14-Oct-21 09:14:41

It is difficult. Any chance you could lighten it up by saying the child thought he/she was a pussy cat and got confused and bit him by mistake? A lot depends on what that other child is like and whether it was a one off or whether he/ she is a child with some sort of aggression problem. In that case no wonder your grandson is afraid.

grannyactivist Thu 14-Oct-21 09:20:31

I have literally just had my two year old granddaughter bite my arm. She was playing being a shark and was biting my sleeve, but caught the skin underneath. I didn’t tell her off, merely explained why biting is not a good idea even when playing.

She gave me a pitying look and said, “but granny I was being a shark, how can I be a shark without biting? It’s what they do!” I told her to be a shark by swimming instead and she’s now face down on the carpet, arms flailing, being a shark. 😂

Zoejory Thu 14-Oct-21 09:24:49

Don't worry any more about it. He'll be fine.

CafeAuLait Thu 14-Oct-21 09:27:22

Since your gs is 3, he was probably bitten by a younger child? I'd explain to him that some children go through a biting phase and the child had been talked to about it not being a good thing to do, so it should hopefully not happen again,

My daughter was bitten at preschool and it was dealt with. Had it happened again, I'd have had a lot to say about it though. Fortunately it didn't.

Lucca Thu 14-Oct-21 09:27:30

Gwyneth

My son, many years ago was bitten at play school. I let the staff deal with it (they were excellent) so I didn’t make a big fuss about it. He was fine.

I still remember the name of the girl who bit my son at play school ! No lasting damage. He was probably winding her up knowing him !

eazybee Thu 14-Oct-21 09:32:35

My daughter bit a child at school, aged seven, I still don't know why. School informed me and the Headteacher dealt with it; I was mortified, punished her at home and made her write a letter of apology and buy a small present out of her pocket money for her victim. I then sought out the mother and apologised again; she was charming and dismissed it as 'one of those things'.
I suggest the child's parents check what action the nursery has taken, then reassure your grandson it won't happen again and try not to make a big issue out of it.

mokryna Thu 14-Oct-21 10:03:20

First of all I am not saying every child who has been bitten by another is in the wrong but this is just my story. When I was three, early 50s and playing outside without supervision, I bite a child because they took my battered red second-hand tricycle from me, they were stronger than me so it was the only way I could retaliate. I ran home and hid in the toilet. I knew my parents wouldn’t do anything while I was sitting there. I don’t remember anything else.

faye17 Thu 14-Oct-21 10:06:02

Thankyou all for your advice- great to be listened to.
All children must be three years or over to be in the playschool. My grandson was playing with a piece of legs the other child wanted,my grandson held on to it and the other child responded by biting his forearm - his parents assure me its not infected and they are watching it carefully of course .
I can't look at it as I'd burst into tears in front of him which I know would be anything but helpful but thats who I am.

faye17 Thu 14-Oct-21 10:07:18

Lego

GagaJo Thu 14-Oct-21 10:08:35

My DGS is a very physical boy and is inclined towards violence. Not nice, but that is how it is. Of course, we discourage him, talk to him, if he hits / bites (does this less now at 3) or is just too boisterous or loud, gets a punishment OR gets incentives for good behaviour.

If he does anything like this to other children, he has to apologise. It'd be really good for him (IMO) if he also saw the other child crying / in paid, so he can see the consequences of his actions.

It has made me a lot more understanding of other children that behave this way. My DD never did and I was very judgemental about rough children. And now there is one living in my house!

I HOPE all the work we're putting into him reaps the reward of a nice young man. I wouldn't have believed a child was naturally like this if it weren't for my DGS.

GagaJo Thu 14-Oct-21 10:09:30

*in pain

Callistemon Thu 14-Oct-21 10:55:54

My grandson was playing with a piece of lego the other child wanted,my grandson held on to it and the other child responded by biting his forearm
Ah!

One of my friends had a son who was a biter until a bit older than that and would also try out judo throws on other children; it wasn't an instant reaction to something like the above as he seemed to get a gleam in his eye before he struck. Other children were quite scared of him but my DD gave him "what for" verbally when she was about 5 or 6 before I could intervene.
He has grown up to be a very high-achieving adult and a loving father (we did wonder at one time what might happen to him).

I hope your DGS is getting over the shock, Faye and the nursery seems to have dealt with it well.

trisher Thu 14-Oct-21 11:00:19

My youngest was a biter. His older brothers frequently cried out "He's going to bite me!". The biting was usually linked with frustration because he couldn't get what he wanted or they were blocking his access. The arm put out to stop him was so tempting.
I would explain to your GS that sometimes when they are unable to get something or do something some people lose control and bite out of frustration. Tell him it is a realy rare occurence so probably will never happen again, and the boy didn't really mean to hurt him. Point out that there are lots of other children in play school so he could play with any of them and avoid the biter if he wants to. He may need an adult to stay with him for a little bit at the start of each day just like some children do when they start. I'm sure he will adjust and settle down again.

Gagajo The biter has grown into a thoughtful, gentle, caring young man. I'm sure your DGS will be fine.