As you get older

Oh Msida that was so sad to read. ?

MsidaI don't know you at all but I feel very much for you. You are bereft and I just wanted you to know that someone is thinking of you and sending heartfelt wishes for some relief of your pain. ?

What a terrible bolt of pain for you Msida. Places, music....well anything really can suddenly bring a new wave of memories to knock you sideways. I'm so sorry today has been so hard for you and hope very much that tomorrow is a little kinder.

Oh Msida, how sad. I had read your previous post about losing your husband and then moving house. I was hoping by now that you would have settled, but it doesn’t seem like it. It’s so sad. I don’t know how to help you but just to say I am thinking about you. I hope others will give you some advice and help - perhaps they have been in a similar situation. Take care and look after yourself xx

I think about you sometimes, Msida and have wondered how you are getting on. It must seem like the slowest and most painful journey to you when you are trying so hard to just feel a little happiness and to feel 'normal' again with a new life to look forward to. Please don't give in - you'll carry on having bad days but you'll gradually see that something will suddenly make you smile or give you pleasure - and you'll see perhaps that life can improve and you will start to feel settled.

Have you given any thought to getting a cat or a small dog for company? A dog that probably would respond so much to the love and attention and time that you would be able to give to it, and you could find that the company and the distraction would help you to feel less alone and with some purpose again.

Do re-read the responses that you had when you posted in July, I think there is a lot of kindness and understanding there, which may help you again at this time. People do care a great deal and, of course, some have suffered terrible sadness like you and are very easily able to understand how you feel. Feeling less like you have been singled out for this unhappiness, and understanding that as time passes life will change for you, may offer you some hope - just as long as you don't give up trying to change things for yourself. Be kind to yourself and try not to rush things or to blame yourself for your present situation or any decisions you have made. You can make your new home absolutely lovely and a place of refuge and comfort and happiness - it will just take time and patience.
Good luck to you, take care of yourself and try to look forward.
?

I am still in the same dilemma and it has been 4 years, so I do understand, Dear. Sometimes it's a little better, other times worse. Losing People is so sad, difficult. I wish I HAD moved, but didn't so I must cope with a house too large, too cluttered and difficult. Writing a daily journal is sometimes helpful.
Take care of yourself!

Maida thinking of you and your sadness xxx

I hope you both can find peace Msida and Llamas99

Unfortunately, there is no easy way through any of this. Thinking of you and everyone in this place. Grief is tough.

Oh Msida, how very sad you sound. I wish we could give you a big Gransnet hug. I hope all the kind thoughts that come your way on here will make you feel a bit better and maybe bring a little smile among the tears.
One day soon there’ll be more smiles than tears. Take care.

I guess pain is part of the price we pay for love. There will come a day when the happy memories will make you smile rather than cry Msida, you have friends in here who understand what you’re going through.

Thank you for the messages they are very much appreciated and did really help me, I woke at 4:30am and read them. It was a nice thing to wake up to, somehow I felt as if you were all here with me and that I wasn't alone which was lovely

I have been thinking of a Cavapoo dog because they are like little Teddy bears but I am not really a pet kinda person I have never had a pet as an adult and we only had cats when I was a child to keep mice away, so I am a bit worried about getting a dog

I would like a rabbit but don't have a garden

I am trying to settle in my new home and I know that it is a mind set and about having gratitude but I am not as yet winning and am wanting to move to somewhere I feel happier

Thank you so much for kind and caring words and for taking the time to post it really helped me and definitely made me feel less alone in the world x x ?????

Hello Msida just to let you know that I’m thinking of you. I hope that you have a brighter day today.?
And I hope that knowing that you have friends here is a comfort; it has been for me during difficult times.
Regards a little dog. I think that it’s a brilliant idea. But - you might find that a cavapoo is a bit too demanding exercise and temperament wise. A bichon frise might be a good breed for you (I have a bichon / Tibetan spaniel cross).
Perhaps you could start a thread here about it?
If you go to a rescue centre the people there will be able to find just the right dog for you.

Hi Msida

Sorry to hear that you're going through a tough time. We go through phases in life. Ups and downs.

If you decide on a dog can I just say they can be the best addition to anyone. But. they need care, and if you get a puppy the first couple of years can be slightly challenging as you run after your pup who has your sock in his mouth!

I knew a family who were desperate for a dog. Father was opposed. Years this went on. The children would come to our house to play with our menagerie!

Children eventually left home and what do they do? Get a dog. Those poor children, all those years of wanting one! But that aside, Father of the family who had told his wife that the dog was HERS, she had to do everything etc etc

So you know what's coming next. The dog and father are best of friends. He absolutely adores that dog. And actually mentioned he'd no idea why he'd been so reluctant to get one!

Could you go to a local rescue and try a dog out? Go for a walk? See how you feel?

Whatever you decide to do, good luck and I hope life brightens for you

Maybe with all the lockdowns and people still nervous about socialising you haven’t had a chance to meet many people where you live. I have a little Yorkshire terrier he is easy enough to manage and happy as long as he has a walk every day. You do meet people when you walk your dog and have a chat. Moving is stressful and expensive. If you really can’t settle where you are maybe rent for a few months in another area to see if it’s better.

Thinking of you Msida, hope today gives you some small pleasures.
Sending you hugs and

I always think a cockatiel sounds an interesting pet. I think they are reared and fed by hand to make them very tame.
I quite fancy one myself!

Have you moved to a completely new area Msida? Could you join something like WI to get you out of the house and meeting people? It must be lonely in the house alone so try to get out and about each day. I hope things seem brighter soon.

I can't begin to imagine how hard this must be for you Msida.

A pet is a good idea and you don't need a garden to have a rabbit. There's a variety of indoor cages available for house rabbits.

I hope today is a better day for you.

Sending heartfelt thoughts to you Msida. Things will get better. ?
Regarding a little pooch, I agree with Fanny. Anything with a ‘Poo’ in the name of breed is quite challenging. We have a 4 yr old cockerpoo and love her to bits but she is full of energy and needs two walks and runs a day and still she wants to play ball in the garden. A rescue greyhound would be lovely for you and loves to sleep a lot. ?.
Good luck to you and take each day as it comes . ❤️

Yes I often think of you and wonder how you are. It does take time to settle in a new home but you will in time.
You could slowly get to know your new neighbourhood visiting local small shops the library or community centre. Even going to the little charity shops is a good way of communicating with local people.
What ever you decide to do regarding a pet I hope you will be happy with your choice. Come back to Gransnet again and let us all know how you are doing.?

I think 'gutted' is apt, because people with feelings never recover from big losses like divorce or widowhood, or worse.

What does happen however is that we do learn and experience what is new and happy , and learn to tolerate the pain of loss.

So sorry Msida. It's not easy at any age to lose a loved one.
I hope you will gradually feel better . A pet is a great idea.
3dognight is right, cockatiels are lovely pets. You are never alone at home with a lively cockatiel! Mine is called Wiggy and she is full of character. She is free range, I don't like birds locked up in cages.
And, of course, cats, dogs, rabbits, whatever. They are something to care for and focus on and are good company.

I often think of you Msida and hope we’ll see more of you on GN.