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Do your children ring you?

(100 Posts)
Madwoman11 Wed 24-Nov-21 08:32:01

I'm feeling a bit low at the moment due I suppose due to family troubles and the onset of winter. This isn't helped by the lack of phone calls which seem to be a thing of the past.
I'm only mid sixties and I do have a good social life, but hearing a voice rather than a text means such a lot when you live alone. It actually upsets me that daughter doesn't ring me and says she doesn't like taking to people when she's been on the phone at work all day.
I used to ring my mum almost every day.
If I couldn't get out to meet friends I wouldn't speak to a soul.

Sparklefizz Wed 24-Nov-21 08:35:10

I know exactly how you feel as I have the same.... but I know my son and daughter have hectic stressful lives (both are teachers) and I don't want to turn into my own mother who would make me feel incredibly guilty over almost anything. I have to remind myself of this when I'm wishing things were different.

dragonfly46 Wed 24-Nov-21 08:39:42

I spoke to my children a long time ago about this and they asked why I never rang them. I told them I didn’t want to intrude. But we love it when you phone us was their reply so now I do. I do not ring at the same time every week though as I hate habit and love spontaneous. I also FaceTime my DGC. Sometimes they want to talk for a long time and sometimes they don’t but that’s okay.

Grandmabatty Wed 24-Nov-21 08:42:04

Do you wait for your daughter to phone you or do you take the initiative and phone her first? This is not to be accusatory, as I live alone too. My children never phone me to speak to me but text regularly, my daughter more than my son. There's been a change in the way younger people communicate and text or WhatsApp messages seem the way they choose to keep in touch. I think you need to let go of the way things used to be done and focus on how things are done now as otherwise you are going to be disappointed. Do you see your daughter at all or is this part of the family troubles you mention? I'm sorry that you feel down. If you have asked your daughter to call and she can't or doesn't want to then maybe you could tell her what you've said here-That you feel low and would like to hear her voice.

OnwardandUpward Wed 24-Nov-21 08:43:31


I have one son who lives with me. The other never rings and is estranged. My son who lives with me is a man of few words, always has been.

I think it's important to go out and talk to people every day. I don't want to put my wellbeing onto my kids. Retirement is supposed to be a wonderful social time of doing nice things every day, but I see so many miserable people who are retired that I'm considering not retiring.

It seems like a lack of routine and meaningful activities can make some people act helpless and expect their kids to fix it. I don't think this is fair on anybody's kids. I think we all have the power to make a life for ourselves that's fun and meaningful so that when we do talk to our kids, it's a bonus rather than the be all and end all. If we have a fun and busy life we will be enthusiastic and have good things to share with them, so they conversation will not be a burden to them. (This is me being idealistic since I am not retirement age yet)

Madwoman11 Wed 24-Nov-21 08:46:20

Yes I understand my daughter has a busy life I'm just feeling nobody cares at the moment, although to be fair she is a good daughter in other ways.
I do ring her sometimes but she prefers texting which I find very impersonal.

Sarnia Wed 24-Nov-21 08:46:58

The younger generation don't see the importance of a phone call or a letter, it's all technology these days. Tell them how you feel and phone when you feel like a chat.

DillytheGardener Wed 24-Nov-21 08:47:33

If her job is phone heavy, why not use WhatsApp? You can send voice notes, which I do instead of texting sometimes, it means that the receiver can carry on a conversation around what they are doing if they are busy at home after work. (Click and hold down on the microphone symbol on the far right side)
Instead of making it a chore, why not WhatsApp a bit more and call once a week but as a previous poster said keep it spontaneous. You want the relationship to be enjoyable on both ends, not one of obligation for your daughter. When it feels more fun she might be more up for calling more often.

Hetty58 Wed 24-Nov-21 08:49:22

Madwoman11, we tend to text or email each other these days. The problem with phone calls is that, quite often, we're either out or busy doing something.

We keep calls short and sweet, as we have mobiles, not house phones. We have a Sunday morning, one hour, Zoom call (kids and grandkids) that people can join, or not, as they wish.

I remember, only too well, the weekly, dreaded 'duty call' to my mother. I never want to impose that on my children!

Two hours of mind-numbingly boring monologue of aches and pains, domestic details, shopping trips etc. - and I was rarely allowed to interrupt. 'I haven't finished telling you about it!' My attempts to escape 'Mum, there's someone at the door' - 'That's alright, you go and answer it, I'll hold' (dammit).

kircubbin2000 Wed 24-Nov-21 08:52:04

Son rings and visits every week but he is home alone at the moment so I think he is a bit lonely as his wife has gone abroad to visit her family.
Other son only rings when he wants something.
Daughter rings a couple of times a week and sends pics of the kids several times.
I rarely ring anyone as I feel they are probably busy.

Madwoman11 Wed 24-Nov-21 08:52:49

I do see my daughter once or twice a week for an hour in fact I make her lunch mid week as she often works close by.
I don't expect my children to FIX everything in fact I tell my daughter there is no need for her to worry if she can't get to visit me as like I said I have a good social life, but occasional phone calls would be welcome.
My 2 sons are estranged from all the family.

emmasnan Wed 24-Nov-21 08:57:49

One son rings several times a week, the other about once a week. We do text or message in between.
I don't tend to call them unless its urgent, as I can remember how little time I had to talk when I worked and had the children still young.

Grandmabatty Wed 24-Nov-21 08:59:20

I think, given your update, that you are being unreasonable. You see your daughter every week, she spends time with you but you still want her to phone you? Perhaps this is a symptom of your low mood and missing your sons. I wouldn't expect my daughter to phone me if I'd seen her twice that week already. You seem very reliant on the missing phone call when your daughter is in touch regularly. I think living alone makes us live in our heads at times and it is easy to overthink something. This is what you appear to be doing here.

Forsythia Wed 24-Nov-21 09:01:43

I try to speak to both daughters once a week which isn’t always easy as one lives abroad and there’s a time difference. We have a family wattsapp group too and we FaceTime. I’m mindful of the fact they work full time. I remember only too well feeling exhausted after work when they were young and my mother ringing at 5.30 just as I was trying to do the evening meal. Sometimes I did let the phone go to answerphone as I just couldn’t deal with it. I think you have to be mindful of their lives and the demands on them, try to fit in and always be cheerful if you can. They don’t want to hear all about your illnesses and ailments.

Riverwalk Wed 24-Nov-21 09:09:49

No they don't - I assume something's wrong if I see their name come up!

I think Whatsapp and the like have taken the place of phone calls, and that suits me. If I want to say something I Whatsapp, and then they answer when they can - I'm always mindful that they may be driving and even with hands-free I don't think drivers should be distracted.

tanith Wed 24-Nov-21 09:13:49

One daughter rings every other day and I see her 2/3 times to go walking, the other doesn’t ring but she’s at the end of a text if I need to talk to her. My son rings rarely and usually as he has a parcel being delivered to me, he lives abroad and has trouble with post he’ll ring at Christmas or my birthday. I don’t ring them simply because I don’t want to bother them but I text now and then.

Sar53 Wed 24-Nov-21 09:15:04

My daughters both live a distance away so I don't see them that often but eldest rings at least every other day for a long chat.
The younger of the two doesn't ring as often but we have a threeway Whatsapp group where we all keep in touch and I have an individual Whatsapp group with each of them.
Anything important or urgent we are on the phone straight away.
This works for us as a family but obviously everyone has different circumstances.

rosie1959 Wed 24-Nov-21 09:17:19

Yes if they need something urgently but apart from that text But they both live within a couple of miles and I see them very regularly at least weekly if not more
Usually that text Can you just
They are both wonderful and I know I can rely on them when needed

Germanshepherdsmum Wed 24-Nov-21 09:19:08

If you see your daughter once or twice a week I do feel it’s unreasonable to expect her to call you as well. It sounds as if she also sends texts. You say you phoned your mum every day, but were you working full time at a job requiring you to talk to people all day as your daughter says she does? You get so much more contact with your daughter than many on GN and have a son living with you even if he isn’t very talkative. I think you need to concentrate a bit more on your social life with friends, perhaps also volunteer somewhere as you’re only mid-60s, and don’t ever mention to your daughter that you phoned your mum every day. You want her to see you because she wants to, not because she feels she has to. I get low at this time of year too as do many, but getting outside and doing something fixes it.

Shelflife Wed 24-Nov-21 09:25:04

You see your daughter sometimes twice a week and often make lunch for her and still expect phone calls. I think you are very fortunate indeed! I imagine other issues are making you feel lonely. Please try and appreciate your daughter and good luck with what is causing you to feel neglected.

Madwoman11 Wed 24-Nov-21 09:27:49

Some confusion here I don't have a son living with me I live alone

Madwoman11 Wed 24-Nov-21 09:28:18

Thank you all for your comments.

Germanshepherdsmum Wed 24-Nov-21 09:29:49

Oh dear, my apologies! That was someone else I was just reading about. I think I’d better go back to bed!!!

MiniMoon Wed 24-Nov-21 09:30:17

Fortunately, my daughter lives just five minutes walk away. Even so she phones me regularly.
My son, on the other hand, never rings. I get a text message from him now and then, he works shifts so I never know when he's working on night duty. I don't bother him, I get to know how he's doing because my husband works with son's partner.

Grannybags Wed 24-Nov-21 09:31:09

Very rarely. Both sons will usually text first saying 'are you in for a phone call' and I sit and worry about what it is they are calling about!