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Pushed away by 9 year old grandson

(53 Posts)
harihot Sun 05-Dec-21 20:10:56

I would appreciate anyone else's experience and /or advice. Today my husband and I were looking after our grandson.Just before my husband was about to take him home , he and my grandson were horsing around with each other as they often do. This time though ,Kai , my grandson accidentally got biffed on the nose by my husband. My grandson put his hand over his nose and ran off.As he suffers from fairly frequent nose bleeds I ran after him to see if he was ok.He was standing with his face to the wall in another room and I went over to him and put my arms round him from the back and asked him if his nose was bleeding and if he was ok.He physically and quite forcefully pushed me away and then went out of that room and into another room.I followed him there which with hindsight I wish I had not done.Each time I came into the room he was in , he immediately vacated the room. I felt as if I had been the one who accidentally had hit his nose and also felt very hurt at being pushed away. Is my grandson's behaviour normal and am I being too sensitive at feeling hurt by him pushing me away when I was trying to comfort him ?He is at the stage now where he is not wanting kisses and hugs when saying goodbye for example and as I am not a particularly huggy person anyway , I accept that as normal for a 9 year old boy.Thanks for any views and advice.

harihot Sun 05-Dec-21 20:12:28

PUSHED AWAY BY GRANDSON - ADVICE PLEASE

MissAdventure Sun 05-Dec-21 20:13:12

Perfectly normal, I'd say.
I don't like people fussing when I'm hurt.
I like to have a little weep on my own.

ElaineI Sun 05-Dec-21 20:16:04

It sounds quite normal so don't feel hurt. He may have wanted to cry but not show it or he might have been hurt and sad that his Grandad hurt him albeit accidentally. It is clear he wanted to be on his own so just learn from the experience in case it happens again. He knows you are there and that is enough probably.

Chewbacca Sun 05-Dec-21 20:18:15

I agree with MissAdventure, perfectly normal behaviour. His feelings were hurt, his nose hurt, his pride was hurt; he just wanted a bit of time on his own to gather himself together. Don't we all feel a bit like that? Hope his grandad made suitable apologies to him?

BlueBelle Sun 05-Dec-21 20:27:11

Perfectly normal he didn’t want you to see him hurt or maybe crying he wanted to be alone and you kept following him
You should have just left him to get over it himself boys, often even as men, go into their cave.
As for the kisses and cuddles that again is natural if they don’t want to
I ve got a 20 year old grandson who still gives me a huge hug and kiss in the street My own son would have crossed the road if he was with his friends They re all different take the lead from what they are comfortable with

Hetty58 Sun 05-Dec-21 20:32:08

Yes, normal, I'd say. He might well have felt angry (having been hurt) and just wanted some time on his own.

V3ra Sun 05-Dec-21 20:38:58

A blow to the nose can bring tears to your eyes and leave you unable to speak. The only thing to do is to quietly hold your head in your hands for several minutes until it settles down. I'd suggest that's what your grandson was trying to do. Until that passes you can't "make it better" for him. Don't take it as a personal rejection though.

Summerlove Sun 05-Dec-21 20:42:05

His behaviour is extremely normal, and yours is much too sensitive.

Unfortunately it’s that time of life when he might start to really pull away. Give him space and love, let him know you’re always there, but give him his space without guilt.

Good luck

Skydancer Sun 05-Dec-21 20:45:35

Absolutely normal and I bet by now he's just fine.

Calistemon Sun 05-Dec-21 21:26:57

MissAdventure

Perfectly normal, I'd say.
I don't like people fussing when I'm hurt.
I like to have a little weep on my own.

As an adult I might have said "oh, just bugger off, will you, and leave me alone. Can't you see I'm upset?".

Lolo81 Mon 06-Dec-21 03:35:28

Agree with everyone else, completely normal. Sounds like he just wanted a bit of space to have his feelings.

As an aside, both my DC had glass noses, so the slightest knock would cause a nose bleed. They knew to head to a bathroom or grab some tissues and sit down til it passed, no drama, it was just something they dealt with til they grew out of it. Maybe this “no fuss” approach is similar to what your GS prefers OP?

LtEve Mon 06-Dec-21 07:04:33

I think he is at that age when he is beginning to get embarrassed at any sign of perceived (to him) weakness and not want to show tears in front of anyone. Boys are still told that a show of emotion is not manly.
He propbably also thinks he's now stronger than Grandad and this was an unwelcome reminder that he's not quite there yet.smile

Ohmother Mon 06-Dec-21 07:56:07

Perfectly normal behaviour for both of you. 😁

He wanted time alone, you wanted him not to hurt.

When it’s back to normal apologise for getting it wrong and have a giggle about chasing him round the house. 💐

Shelflife Mon 06-Dec-21 08:10:31

I agree with everyones response. Try not to take it to heart, he is not a toddler any more and needed his own space. He knows you love him !

Sarnia Mon 06-Dec-21 08:50:27

He must have felt embarrassed and following him from room to room didn't help. Let him have a moment to himself and don't keep on about what happened.

Franbern Mon 06-Dec-21 09:56:27

harihot please do not tell us that you followed this poor child from room to room, when it was quite obvious, that all he wanted was a little time and space to himself to recover from his little injury.
Poor lad - at nine years old he is unlikely to wish to want hugs and kisses at most times, particularly when he is in minor shock and some pain. Of course he pushed you away.
I would apologise to him for your behavior, and have a space in your home which can be his 'time out' place, completely person whenever he feels he may need it.

trisher Mon 06-Dec-21 10:19:06

Apologise to him. Tell him you are sorry for following him and explain that it's sometimes hard for GPs to realise how fast their GCs are growing up. Promise to give him space when he needs it, but explain as well that everyone likes a hug sometimes, even grown-ups, even grannies.
He's fine just trying to cope with growing-up.

eazybee Mon 06-Dec-21 11:10:03

Oh for goodness sake!
No need to apologise to him for normal concern, even if slightly over the top.
When you next see him , if you have to say anything, just say OK? and leave it at that.
What was Grandfather's reaction?

Calistemon Mon 06-Dec-21 11:20:56

also felt very hurt at being pushed away. Is my grandson's behaviour normal and am I being too sensitive at feeling hurt by him pushing me away when I was trying to comfort him ?

Yes, you are being too sensitive.

It wasn't about you and your feelings, it was about him and his feelings. He wanted time to himself.

Peasblossom Mon 06-Dec-21 11:34:38

I’m inclined to think that if you launch into an apology and an explanation, it’s just going to make him squirm with embarrassment.

Adults talking about feelings 😱

It’s really just another way of pursuing him isn’t it? 🤔

Sallywally1 Mon 06-Dec-21 11:40:21

I agree with the above comments. Also, if he has these nosebleeds regularly he may have been a bit scared, but didn’t want to show it. He just needs space from time to time as we all do.

theworriedwell Mon 06-Dec-21 11:47:06

Gosh, a child is hurt, you follow him round when he's made it plain he wants to be left alone and it's all about you.

Yes you are being too sensitive, he was the one who was hurt.

Calistemon Mon 06-Dec-21 11:48:22

Perhaps he needs o have his nose cauterised.
Just a thought.

MissAdventure Mon 06-Dec-21 11:52:28

What a load of fuss about nothing.