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How did You get over the loss of your husband

(23 Posts)
Msida Sat 15-Jan-22 07:40:02

A year and five months later I still feel the same

BlueBelle Sat 15-Jan-22 07:45:21

….Because you love him, love doesn’t die with the person

Have you had any help or are you trying to do it alone if you haven’t I would so recommend bereavement counselling, and a year and a half is nothing when someone you love deeply is no longer there by your side Msaida

tanith Sat 15-Jan-22 07:49:26

I’m sorry you are feeling so sad Msida I don’t think it’s something one ever gets over but manage to learn to carry on and live a different life. I miss my husband terribly it’s been 3 years and I’ve changed some things in the house and thankfully my family keep me busy, I know my husband would want me to live the rest of my life as best I can without him. I wish you well.

Esspee Sat 15-Jan-22 07:50:41

There is truth in the platitude time is a healer. He will always be with you but as time passes you will eventually be able to smile again knowing that he would have wanted you to have a good life. 💐

Kim19 Sat 15-Jan-22 07:54:37

Much longer than you. I haven't 'gotten over'. I just daily adapt and survive. Oh, I'm not at all miserable. That would have made him unhappy. But I do so wish he was still here....... You'll cope. Just keep enjoying the lovely memories and journey on with him as an integral part of you. Which he is and always will be. 🌷. Good luck.

Elegran Sat 15-Jan-22 08:51:28

You don't. Ten years later you will still think of him every day and wish he was still beside you.

What you do is learn how to live a life that doesn't have him in it. That life still has family and friends, and you still have all the interests and skills that you had previously, and you will make new friends, learn new things and develop new interests to fill your time. If you don't do these things, you are wasting the rest of your life. He would not be happy to know that your life has closed down.

sodapop Sat 15-Jan-22 08:57:32

Lovely post Elegran and so true

flowersMsida hope it helps you.

Georgesgran Sat 15-Jan-22 09:24:16

Having lost my DH last March, I was attempting to compose a post, when Kim19 and Elegran said it all, perfectly.

Marmight Sat 15-Jan-22 09:38:07

What Elegran so eloquently says!
10 years next week for me and I still have desperate days especially around now with Christmas, his birthday & our wedding anniversary in addition to Dday. But, life for us goes on and every day, though difficult, is precious. Early days still for you Msida. Sending understanding {{hugs}}

Elegran Sat 15-Jan-22 10:26:32

-*Marmight*, I thought of you as I typed that. We've come a long way in ten years, but it can still be difficult.

harrigran Sat 15-Jan-22 10:30:07

Just coming up to three months for me so I am expecting to feel this way for some time. I had to get through three major milestones in the first eight weeks.
Some days I panic when I can't remember his voice but then dream about DH and hear him talking to me.

mumski Sat 15-Jan-22 10:35:00

Msida 2 and half years for me. The cliché is true, you don't get over it but learn to live around the grief. I too would recommend bereavement counselling, it really did help. I would give anything to have him back, but we just have to try and live the best life we can. He wouldn't want you to not live as well as you can. flowers.
Sending hugs to you x

EllanVannin Sat 15-Jan-22 10:38:48

Would you believe that I haven't looked through all the cards you receive-----since 1994 after H died ?

Urmstongran Sat 15-Jan-22 10:39:44

Aw harrigran that’s poignant. 💐

Georgesgran Sat 15-Jan-22 10:43:04

I’ve left DH’s voice on the answerphone - it freaks some callers out, but I can ring and hear his voice again.

Luckygirl3 Sat 15-Jan-22 10:47:56

Elegran

You don't. Ten years later you will still think of him every day and wish he was still beside you.

What you do is learn how to live a life that doesn't have him in it. That life still has family and friends, and you still have all the interests and skills that you had previously, and you will make new friends, learn new things and develop new interests to fill your time. If you don't do these things, you are wasting the rest of your life. He would not be happy to know that your life has closed down.

Yes - that is how it is for sure. It will be two years on 1st Feb. for me. I wake up every day plagued with all the same thoughts: did I fail him over his care? - should I have made the decision I did over treating his pneumonia or was I right to decide to end his suffering? - etc.etc.

Then I pick myself up and get in with the day. There are some situations that make me smile ..... when I wipe the inside of the car windscreen to get the condensation off I can hear him saying "No, no - don't do that!" Every day when I am doing things I ask myself what he would have thought - I wonder if that will ever stop?

aonk Sat 15-Jan-22 11:46:06

I lost my DH1 30 years ago shortly after my 40th birthday. My children were still young and I tried to focus on them which helped. In that sense I was fortunate. I was also fortunate that I had an excellent and understanding GP. He prescribed some temporary sleeping medication and antidepressants. I was doubtful about that but it helped more than I can say. He also put me in touch with a counsellor which I was able to afford. This gave me a space to talk about anything I wanted to. So helpful as I didn’t have much family support.
My advice is to contact Cruse and also any other organisations for widowed people. I had a job at the time but voluntary work really gave me some motivation. It’s important to keep busy and spend as much time with others as possible. My best wishes to you.

midgey Sat 15-Jan-22 12:35:02

A very caring friend told me that grief is like the sea, some waves are gentle and some will overwhelm you. My husband died eighteen months ago but it was only last week I had to leave a shop as I was crying. flowers

Marmight Sat 15-Jan-22 13:19:48

Harrigran flowers

Hiraeth Sat 15-Jan-22 14:24:59

I too know the feeling . I lost my husband 7 years ago . Life does goes on but differently . To love and be loved is the best thing in life. There will come a time when you feel grateful Msida for all the years you and your husband spent together .

Msida Sun 16-Jan-22 19:36:09

Thank you for your comments. If its OK I would like to disagree with Elegran just because personally it sounded a bit final and stern,, Get on with it his gone and that's that

I hope it's OK to disagree with your advice Elegran

I am sorry for all the other women that have lost their husbands it's not a nice thing to happen but he will always be with you in spirit I know he won't answer any more when you speak to him but if like me you still feel his presence then that will be a comfort to you

All the best to each and every widow x x

Elegran Sun 16-Jan-22 20:46:43

I don't mind you disagreeing, but I don't think I said what you think I said.

You asked how to get over losing him, and I replied as I had learnt - that you don't "get over it", as though it was a cold, and that there is no "final" ending. You can't just decide to stop missing him.

However, you do continue to be alive yourself. You can choose to spend the rest of your life like Queen Victoria, who was known as "the Widow of Windsor" and for years shut herself away from everyone, and wore elaborate black mourning for the rest of her life, or you can look for the little gleams of happiness that are still there - in friends and family, in keeping doing the things that you have always enjoyed and in trying to find new things that lift your spirits..

If you don't feel that is possible, and that it will never be possible, then Bluebell has given you good advice. See your GP and ask for a referral to someone who can help you.

Msida Mon 17-Jan-22 02:30:45

I appreciate very much your advice Elegran thank you for taking the tine