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Am I right to be upset?

(67 Posts)
Frufru Sun 01-May-22 20:33:40

I’m 58 and in the menopause. I’ve always had a tummy, even when I weighed a lot less than I do now!
Today my mother in law told me I looked pregnant in my son’s wedding photos! I’m a size 14 bottom and 16 top to accommodate my big boobies!
I can’t stop thinking how rude she is!

ShazzaKanazza Sun 01-May-22 20:42:43

I’m with you there Frufru I would have felt pretty upset too. I’m sure you looked lovely.

Doodledog Sun 01-May-22 20:42:56

It was very rude to comment on your shape, and even more so in your son’s wedding photos!

Some people can’t help it, it seems - they think they have a right to comment on personal matters, when they really, really don’t.

Ignore her if you can, and if she says anything further you could suggest that you try to lose some weight if she tries to learn some manners.

If it’s any consolation, it’s my son’s wedding in a couple of weeks, and I would love to be a size 14 on the photos grin. I’m quite sure your son will love you just as you are, and in any case will only have had eyes for his bride. I hope you had a lovely day, and that your MIL’s thoughtless comments haven’t put a dampener on it.

Hetty58 Sun 01-May-22 20:44:39

Right to be upset? There's no rights or wrongs about it - if you feel upset, that's understandable. Yes, she's rude, but probably not deliberately so, just made an offhand remark. Why care so much about her opinion - I wouldn't!

My chubby friend (in her 60s) jokes about her tummy, saying 'This is such a long pregnancy - I've been expecting for years!' and has a theory that she's ok - while her bust is still bigger than her belly.

denbylover Sun 01-May-22 20:48:45

Extremely insensitive comment from your MIL. Can’t imagine what she was thinking. I’m sorry she has hurt your feelings.

Audi10 Sun 01-May-22 20:56:09

Very harsh comment made to you! I just don’t get some peoples rudeness

SunshineSally Sun 01-May-22 20:58:42

I would of been upset too. Is she in the habit of making such derogatory remarks? Did you respond to her remark at the time? If you didn’t and it’s the first time she’s upset you then I’d let it go. I’m sure you looked lovely 😊 and maybe she’s just resentful of your youth in comparison to herself. However, if she always makes a point of making tactless and rude comments about you personally, then I’d definitely pull her up on it.

poshpaws Sun 01-May-22 21:04:11

What a hurtful cow! I wonder what she'd say to me: I've put on so much weight in the last 5 months that I look like the stern end of an aircraft carrier.

Size 14 bottom half and size 16 'cos of big boobs is probably extremely attractive to your husband - and whose business but yours is your shape anyway?

I think I'd go very low contact with such a tactless, judgemental old bat.

Redhead56 Sun 01-May-22 22:04:00

I was often the brunt of redhead remarks growing up but I took it on the chin. My son was too but more sensitive I taught him to point out someone’s worse feature to throw back at them.

Anyone who insults someone no matter who they are deserves it back. If they don’t they think they have a license to carry on so nip it in the bud. It can be done very subtle and it can be very rewarding so go for it with a smile.

25Avalon Sun 01-May-22 22:12:16

I’d have been tempted to say “how did you guess? That’s why I look so blooming.” What a nasty thing to say to you. Don’t let it get to you - no way let her win. So rude.

Zoejory Sun 01-May-22 22:14:15

Like 25Avalon, I'd have responded in a similar fashion.

Always best to take the wind out of these people's sails. When they see they can't upset you they will stop.

LondonMzFitz Sun 01-May-22 22:19:53

Horrid thing for her to say. I've had comments like that and I found I could no longer look at the photo commented on without thinking of the hurtful comment .. One photo of me with my SIL and her children, my mother commented I looked like a man (I had short hair). I confronted a friend who had made an unkind remark about a photo and was told I was too sensitive. Maybe, but I'd as heck rather be too sensitive than a rude mare.

mumofmadboys Sun 01-May-22 22:22:09

Perhaps if she makes a comment like that you could say 'I find that very rude. Did you intend to make such a hurtful comment?' while looking straight at her. Or say 'Pardon I didn'ut catch what you said' and make her repeat the comment 3 times. She will feel foolish then.
Ignore it now and put it behind you. I too would find it very hurtful

mumofmadboys Sun 01-May-22 22:24:36

Alternatively say well we have had sex a lot lately perhaps I am pregnant!!

HousePlantQueen Sun 01-May-22 22:32:09

Is she one of those awful people who pride themselves on "saying things as they see it"?. What you and I would know as rude. I dislike people like that, people who act all hurt and indignant if called out on their rudeness. I feel for you and share your anger

Smileless2012 Mon 02-May-22 10:39:09

What a horrible thing to sayangry. Try to put it out of your mind and don't give what this horrible woman says a second thought.

MissAdventure Mon 02-May-22 10:40:47

Spiteful thing to say; horrible woman!

FannyCornforth Mon 02-May-22 10:43:10

Rude, nasty cow.
Is she usually like that?

DillytheGardener Mon 02-May-22 10:51:11

When people make a comment I say ‘what a nasty thing to say’ then look directly at them. People like this (my mil is frequent culprit) do not like being pulled up on their nastiness, and usually stutter ‘well I only meant’, you’re too sensitive’, I just retort, that is never polite under any circumstance, if Don’t have something nice to say, don’t say it at all.

What a nasty piece of work. Trying to diminish a special day for you.

I’d say something after the fact, and say if she has something nasty like that to say to keep mouth (fat trap) shut.

glammanana Mon 02-May-22 10:52:27

How rude is she ? did your husband comment on what she had to say ?
My late MIL had a habit of making such remarks when my DD was born she asked how such a plain Jane could produce such a beautiful baby !! she was never well thought of after that remark.

Kalu Mon 02-May-22 10:54:34

mumofmadboys

Alternatively say well we have had sex a lot lately perhaps I am pregnant!!

😂😂. Love it.

My response would have been, well, you have some nerve commenting on my figure as I’m sure she will have some insecurities about hers.

Sparklefizz Mon 02-May-22 10:55:24

mumofmadboys

Alternatively say well we have had sex a lot lately perhaps I am pregnant!!

Best answer!! grin

AGAA4 Mon 02-May-22 10:55:25

I agree it's best to give it back. My MiL was always dropping nasty comments and I took it for a while.
I was always skinny when young and she said that I didn't have a lovely hour glass figure like her.
I replied that the problem with hour glass figures is the sand always goes to the bottom in time.
She did end up with a huge backside.

HowVeryDareYou Mon 02-May-22 10:58:24

I'd be happy to be a size 16 - I'm bigger than that. I'm glad my MIL isn't around these days - she used to tell me I was fat at a size 14 and 9st!

FannyCornforth Mon 02-May-22 11:07:04

This is so much someone I know (can’t say who!)