don't know what to do

New to this site; so what is AIBU. DC? DF? Tried to figure this out but am not coming with any sensible andwers

Hugs for you but it seems perhaps you are being abused. As a great grandmother you should be treated with respect and indeed gratitude for the help you’ve already given in helping to raise her child. I would step away as hard as this is.

May I ask what the outburst was about and what she told you?

You shouldn't finance your gd's and great gc's lives. I would stop immediately, you are enabling her

Why can't she hold to a job? How are her health issues managed?
Why isnt the father of the child providing for them?

Goldieoldie15 -

AIBU = Ami being unreasonable?
DC. = dear child DD = dear daughter
DD = dear daughter
DS = dear son
Etc etc.

OP, are you in UK ?
this sounds like elder abuse/ coercion.
this is wrong, possibly an offence.
please seek help and support.
www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/health-wellbeing/relationships-family/protection-from-abuse/

you could also try talking to your GP

This has to stop - as it is abuse. Where is her mother in all this? This is not your problem. The father of the children needs to step up and provide support. Also can her doctor give her advice and help with her anger issues? Take a step back.

There's another generation between you and your GGD - in other words, her parents and the parents of the child's father. Why are they leaving it all to you? Surely if there is friction, someone in the family should be able to step in and help to resolve the situation. Another question: is there any chance that your granddaughter, the child's mother, is abusing alcohol or drugs? That might explain her irrational behaviour and the child should be officially 'at risk'.

She is basically blackmailing you to keep giving them money. This is totally wrong on every level. I understand you are afraid of losing contact with the little boy - but you need to make it clear to her that by (a particular date) you will no longer be able to support them in the way you have been. If you like, give them a set amount that you can easily afford each month but do not get involved with their finances in any other way.

They need you for "babysitting" I am sure, and it is most unlikely that they would forbid you from seeing him. But even if this were the case - it is not a reason to continue allowing them to blackmail and abuse your kindness.

Goldieoldie15 scroll up to line saying GRANSNET FORUMS and the line underneath saying Active| I'm on| watching....... Underneath 'Active', it says 'Acronyms', click on that and all will be revealed

As others have said its wrong, bang out of order and disgraceful. You should be treated with respect, upmost respect at THAT considering you are helping financially.

It is wrong on all levels but maybe there are problems that are really troubling her that she has WRONGLY taken out of you, its always loved ones that cone in for the brunt of the anger, its CERTAINLY NO EXCUSE WHATSOEVER but maybe her unjustified outburst holds a lot of worry.

I am sorry you are facing all this... x

I completely agree with everything Welbeck and Whiteswan have written. Between the two they have summarised the whole situation and what you need to do.

There is only one solution to your dilemma and you have been given it. All that is needed now is for you to grit your teeth and do as recommended. There is no alternative.

An example of emotional abuse and blackmail at its worse doxy. You need to tell her you wont be bullied and blackmailed. She needs you support and would do well to remember that before she makes these threats again, so point that out to her.

I hope you are able to resolve this .

Is this behaviour normal from your GD? Or was it just an angry lash out that she may have regretted.
Only you know her. It was a very nasty thing to say to you but if she is afraid of the child's father she may have said anything to stop you telling him.
This sounds like a complicated situation and maybe you should take a step away for now.

Wouldn’t want to advise, don’t know what your granddaughter’s health problem is. Is she afraid of the child’s
father. If she couldn’t pay for her apartment where would she live. Where are her parents.

Was this verbal torrent and threat a one-off?

Still not ok, of course - but we do all lose our cool occasionally and say things in heat of moment that we don't really mean..

However if it is a pattern of ongoing behaviour that is different.

Either way, I think you have to limit financial aid - or at least decide on a set amount for a set period of time and no more than that.

Goldieoldie15

New to this site; so what is AIBU. DC? DF? Tried to figure this out but am not coming with any sensible andwers

If you clicked on ‘Acronyms’ at the top of the thread you can find out.

The threat should never have been made under any circumstances. It's wrong to use a child to get what you want.