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DDIL doesn't use the clothes I buy for DGD

(191 Posts)
GrannyBL Thu 23-Jun-22 21:28:18

I have purchased many adorable (and not cheap) outfits for my grandbaby who is 4 mos. old. I told my DIL, the very first time I bought something, to please tell me if she didn't like something and I would take it back. I told her it wouldn't hurt my feelings at all and that I would rather spend money on things she liked and would use than waste my money. She has never told me she didn't like anything, but have only seen DGD in a very few things I have bought her. Several things she just let her outgrow, never using them once. It is upsetting to me, so I have decided to not buy DGD any more clothes. Am I wrong?

Hithere Thu 23-Jun-22 21:32:22

Yes sorry, you are wrong.

Hithere Thu 23-Jun-22 21:33:03

Clarification - wrong in your expectations what your dil and son do with your presents

Hithere Thu 23-Jun-22 21:34:10

Should do... so sorry for serial posting

BlueBelle Thu 23-Jun-22 21:42:13

Although you gave you daughter in law permission to tell you if she didn’t like the items it’s very hard to tell someone their gift is not right …either give her the money, a voucher or have a good look at what she likes (not what you like) and show her and say would you like this if I get xxxx one and maybe because it hasn’t all ready been bought she may feel more able to say ‘I don’t think that would suit xxxx’
Much better to do it before buying and embarrassing for everyone

CanadianGran Thu 23-Jun-22 21:43:36

hmmm, perhaps you are giving too many clothes? Also, mums have a preference on how to dress their babies. I remember there were certain onsies I liked because of the feel of the material, and I never dressed my daughter in frilly clothes. Maybe she is being polite in order not to hurt your feelings, but yes, I would back off purchasing clothes for now.

MissAdventure Thu 23-Jun-22 21:45:20

My daughter tactfully but clearly told me not to buy clothes for her boys, as "we have different taste".
It was a relief, to be honest.

paddyann54 Thu 23-Jun-22 21:46:10

Most babies get far more clothes as gifts than they could ever wear.She probably thought the baby would get some wear from them but when she got round to trying them they were too wee.
Iwas very guilty of doing this myself ,when my daughter was just 8 months I gave a freind 60 outfits for her new baby.Many had tags still on them ,some had been put on for a photograph just so the giver could see them and none had been worn more than a few times at most.Babies grow so fast that clothes are often otgrown before use.
I dont think your DIL will have done this deliberately but please ask what size she would like IF you decide to buy more .Dozens of outfits in the first sizes are a mistake thats often made,dont fall out with her over this .Being a new mum is often difficult enough without accusations and blame

crazyH Thu 23-Jun-22 21:47:58

I have stopped buying clothes for GC. They (the mothers) don’t seem to like my taste. Even my daughter didn’t like me buying stuff for the kids when they were young. I remember once going to TKMaxx with daughter and GD. The little one fancied a pair of sandals. I told her I would buy it for her. DD said, ‘no you won’t’ and put them back on the shelf. The little girl’s face 🥲 till today, I don’t know my daughter did that. Perhaps teaching her DD that she can’t have everything she wants. Either that or she (DD) was in a bad mood.😡

B9exchange Thu 23-Jun-22 21:50:20

The current fashion seems to put babies in grey or khaki, which to me looks horrible and I wouldn't buy it, but there is no point in buying items deemed to be oldfashioned. The more polite DiL's take a photo of the child wearing it to send to you and then give it to charity! I used to make clothes for them, and these did get worn because the girls were older and had chosen the material themselves, and one DiL is tactful enough to hunt out something I have bought or made when we visit, but times and fashions change!a

VioletSky Thu 23-Jun-22 22:01:03

Maybe just change focus... You could ask if there is anything grandaughter needs or suggest lunch and a shopping trip together and let DIL pick what she likes for grandaughter..

The main point of gifts is for the reciever to enjoy them right?

Maggymay Thu 23-Jun-22 22:01:42

I ask DIL to message us a list of clothes she would like for DGD then we pick something we know she will like.

GrannyBL Thu 23-Jun-22 22:01:43

Some of the things not worn DDIL picked out herself and I just paid for them. I just don't get it. Some of the things (jeggings) DDIL asked me to pick up. I did, and she still didn't use them. So, I give up. No more clothing

VioletSky Thu 23-Jun-22 22:04:20


Some of the things not worn DDIL picked out herself and I just paid for them. I just don't get it. Some of the things (jeggings) DDIL asked me to pick up. I did, and she still didn't use them. So, I give up. No more clothing

How often do you see them? How do you know they arent used?

Lauren59 Thu 23-Jun-22 22:05:42

My daughter in law is very particular about the clothes, toys and books she chooses for my GS. I don’t buy him anything anymore. I give my DiL money to choose what she likes.

Lauren59 Thu 23-Jun-22 22:09:19

When my sister in law had a baby girl, I gave her some lovely clothing. Several years later when I had a girl, SiL gave me a pile of clothing and there was everything I’d ever given with tags still on! I never said anything, of course. 😖

Luckygirl3 Thu 23-Jun-22 22:14:01

My mother gave me a ghastly frilly nylon white dress for our first born. I put it in a drawer but got it out when my mother visited. OH had never seen it and when I walked into the room where my mother was with DD dressed in it, OH said:" What on earth is she wearing? - she looks like something from a chimpanzee's tea party!" Whoops!

GrannyBL Thu 23-Jun-22 22:16:46

I see them several times a week and see photos almost daily. I VERY rarely see her in something I got her. By very rarely I mean 5 or six times in 4 months. And three of those times were the same outfit (which apparently she did like).

GrannyBL Thu 23-Jun-22 22:19:01

I promise I don't buy ghastly frilly stuff

StarDreamer Thu 23-Jun-22 22:20:33

Perhaps some parents feel that they would like to buy clothes for their children out of money that they have earned themselves.

A man supporting his family and providing for them out of what he is paid for the work he does. A matter of his personal status as provider for his family.

Elizabeth27 Thu 23-Jun-22 22:22:11

Maybe there are so many clothes that the baby only has chance to wear them a few times each.

lixy Thu 23-Jun-22 22:26:20

Mum with new baby? Cut her some slack!
I agree it is miffing when carefully chosen gifts aren't used but I would hazard a guess that any offence is unintended.
I don't buy clothes at all, but I do take a pack of the approved nappies every now and then.
Can you help in a practical way? For example, I take the baby for a walk around the park while Mum has an afternoon nap one day a week.

Honeysuckleberries Thu 23-Jun-22 22:32:45

You see them several times a week and have daily photos! Sounds like the poor girl has no time to herself. I would have been horrified if my mother in law was so involved in my life. Perhaps she is trying to have a little control of her own life by not using the clothes. You sound too involved in their lives.

ElaineI Thu 23-Jun-22 22:33:09

Most clothes I have bought are worn till grown out or worn out. I do seem to like the same clothes as both DDs. DD1 clothes go straight to DD2 and then she passes them on free to someone who needs them. DGS1 is now 8 and more particular now - likes skinny joggers and football tops. DGD gets clothes from a friend handed down. I buy Christmas tops for next year in previous year sales. They wear these and are passed down. They get money for school clothes. DGD starts P1 after summer and has decided she wants school dresses from Sainsburys, cardigans and skirts all from Sainsburys and why not. You need to be in tune with current fashion, mummy's preferences and child's preferences these days.

crazyH Thu 23-Jun-22 22:37:51

Luckygirl that made me laugh🤣🤣🤣