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Gran to be and anxious

(8 Posts)
Nananewbee Tue 16-Aug-22 21:14:35

Hi all. I've just discovered this group after googling anxiety in expectant grandparents. My daughter is due in 7 weeks and it's been a whirlwind romance and pregnancy for her and her partner. Thing is I am so anxious about her,her relationship and the new baby. She's been under enormous pressure and instead of being a rock I'm a mess. I'm usually a cool customer but am shocked how I'm not coping with her problems. Any suggestions for coping and helping her without falling apart.

Lucca Tue 16-Aug-22 21:52:55

Does she actually need help ?

Oopsadaisy1 Tue 16-Aug-22 22:15:28

Sadly we can’t always fix our childrens problems, be there for her and help if you are asked to help, don’t offer advice or opinions unless asked.

welbeck Tue 16-Aug-22 22:33:51

what is the locus of your anxiety ?

JenniferEccles Tue 16-Aug-22 22:44:02

A certain amount of anxiety over our pregnant daughters is perfectly natural but it sounds as if there are extra concerns for you.
Do you live closer enough to be a practical help to her once the baby has arrived?

If it’s a very new relationship and suddenly a baby is on the way, you are probably thinking that things are happening far too quickly, but the baby is on its way so try to relax and enjoy your new little grandchild, as well as being a support to your daughter.

pandapatch Tue 16-Aug-22 22:54:58

Just wondering what enormous pressure she is under? Is her partner supportive and do they live together?

Nananewbee Tue 16-Aug-22 23:22:52

Thanks for your input, my daughter is 33 and has wanted a steady relationship and family for a while now,she met and became v serious with her partner v quickly and announced their pregnancy within months of meeting. They were both very happy. She was still living with me at that time,so they finally moved in together 2 months ago,he was dragging his heels a bit,seemed he wanted her to move in with his family to save money and because he feels responsible for his mum (widowed) but still active,young and able.
He seems a bit anxious and a worrier whereas my daughter is v independent but a softie too.
They've had a LOT of problems since moving in and she had confided in me,it broke my heart to see her so vulnerable and upset. Her partner hasn't made any effort with me or the rest of our family. Sorry I'm venting too much, bottom line is ... their situation is triggering all sorts of worries and panic attacks in me, she confides in me... I worry... they make up... I resent him for not being more supportive and then my daughter gets defensive if I say anything . What do you Grans do to keep sane and be supportive but not intrusive 😏 thank you in advance x

Hithere Tue 16-Aug-22 23:29:52

I suggest therapy for you to manage your mental health and take 10 steps back.
It will get much worse when baby gets here

It is curious your daughter has picked somebody with anxiety as well

"Her partner hasn't made any effort with me or the rest of our family. "
He doesn't have to do that, your daughter manages her family, he does his

Plenty of red flags from both sides of the families - it is up to your daughter and partner to address them.