Moving and Friends

When we moved to the North East, friends said it was too far to travel to see us, yet they would happily drive past the turning to our village and go to Scotland!

Some friends and family make the effort, though, and we know plenty of people here.

I've lived in the NE (of and on, with periods of living overseas) for 15 years. 3 people have visited me here in that time. Only 1 relative. It doesn't occur to family to come. They expect me to go to them and always have.

I’m not trying to be unkind or unpleasant just helpful. If you choose to move to another area altogether that is hundreds of miles away, it is surely expecting people to give up a lot of time and money ( well expenses) to come and visit. To me even though retired time is still precious with lots to be done and day to living is going to carry on. To visit you is to make a plan for a holiday really, so a big commitment. There are several friends I would love to visit but still haven’t made it over a period of years as life keeps getting in the way.

I would have thought that Covid has had an impact on people wanting to travel or stay with friends a distance away.

Now we're getting older we're not so keen on travelling long distances, especially on our overcrowded roads. Sometimes we've met up with old friends and relatives by meeting them halfway for lunch.

I hope you can stay in touch and it's good that you have made friends in your new location.

I found when I worked, that once staff leave it doesn’t take long for them to be more or less forgotten, no matter how popular they were. I guess it’s the same when people move away. Life goes on and unless contact comes easily, there’s not much demand to change the status quo.

My thoughts exactly Callistemin21

That seems standard, I reckon. We moved hundreds of miles away from family and friends decades ago but very few have ever come to visit us. We go to them, which is fair enough I think, as we chose to move away. The expense and time (a day of travel at each end means it’s hardly worth it for a weekend) is a deterrent.

As we get older, travelling long distances by car from one end of the country to the other can be a bit of a worry. Sometimes you do lose friends when you move especially when you move such a long way away. Perhaps your old friends don’t want to / can’t be bothered to drive all that way.

We moved from Cornwall to Berkshire in 1999. We went back once in 2001 but hadn't been back since. I travelled down last March to meet up with friends and had a great time, but a few weeks later I was in hospital with a pulmonary embolism that may or may not have been caused by the journey. It's made me wary of travelling although I will hopefully be down there again in May. As we get older it does seem much more of an effort to travel very far, however much you might want to see old friends.

I believe people will travel south, but rarely north to visit! You would most likely be inundated with visitors if you lived in the south (no matter what country!)

Please don't be hurt by this, we live in the north of our province, and friends rarely come this direction. We tend to travel south on our vacations, so will drop in to visit friends and family along the way. Sometimes for just a meal, sometimes for a few days (family).

We find it rare that anyone, apart from family, visit our NE holiday home. Only a few visits a year with friends not family.

Perhaps everyone is too busy (as all are) or distance /costs?

350 miles is a long way away. We meet up with our 2 oldest sets of friends by meeting half way for lunch.

To be honest I don’t like staying at other people’s homes. We only have close family to stay with us.

I have a good friend in Yorkshire, I am in the southeast, and if we lived closer we would meet up weekly or more with little planning. However, now we live far apart trips have to be planned and that's what puts us both off neither of us likes to plan. Maybe that is the problem with your friends.

NanKate

350 miles is a long way away. We meet up with our 2 oldest sets of friends by meeting half way for lunch.

To be honest I don’t like staying at other people’s homes. We only have close family to stay with us.

The staying. We don't stay with people, not comfortable, imo.

I have some relatives and friends who live a distance away and have been asked to stay with them. But I am afraid I hate stopping in other peoples houses, I never feel comfortable I also don’t like people stopping with me. That makes me seem very inhospitable but I gladly drive to meet half way for lunches etc.
A few years ago a cousin I was close to moved quite a long way to a lovely house on the moors, it had a large barn they converted to holiday cottages. My Uncle (cousins Dad) became ill and I and cousins sister looked after him until he died. Cousin who moved away told me he was very grateful would me and my husband go and stay in one of the cottages, I thought that sounded lovely until he said he would offer us a discount on the rental. He offered his sister the same she also refused,

PerkyPiggy, I'm sure it's the long journey that puts people off - especially if it's lots of driving. These days, being an oldie, I do prefer my own bed - and worry about finding enough public toilets on outings!

Why not book a break, in the SE near your old friends, then invite them out to lunch or dinner? That avoids the stress of visiting or hosting while you have a catch up.

My friend moved from here (London) to Glasgow - and it was simple to visit (50 minutes from city airport) yet I only went once. It was a shock to discover just how cold and blustery it was there. I was glad to get back home. I had a house full at the time - so couldn't even invite her back.

Thanks to everyone for their insightful and considered replies. This has been a worthwhile exercise in trying to understand things better. My best friend of 20 years has visited and will do so again. Additionally, we are going to meet up in York in May for a couple of nights and I truly believe that we will never loose contact. My DH doesn't like staying in other people's homes and I can understand his reasons, so I can empathize with those who don't enjoy doing so.

Two of the past three years were taken up with Covid - you have to factor that in as to why you've had few visitors.

A lot of people don’t like long journeys as they get older.

PerkyPiggy

Thanks to everyone for their insightful and considered replies. This has been a worthwhile exercise in trying to understand things better. My best friend of 20 years has visited and will do so again. Additionally, we are going to meet up in York in May for a couple of nights and I truly believe that we will never loose contact. My DH doesn't like staying in other people's homes and I can understand his reasons, so I can empathize with those who don't enjoy doing so.

Well you've answered your own question there - your DH doesn't like staying in other people's homes and many other people are the same!

As I've got older I mostly prefer hotels - don't have to worry about my snoring, if I need the loo, time for bed/getting up, etc.