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Funeral plans..

(60 Posts)
Enidd Sun 17-Sep-23 20:31:09

Have you made any? If so, what are they?
I know I don’t want to buried so I’m thinking a cremation but does it always have to be at the cemetery or can my ashes be placed elsewhere?
Sorry hope this question doesn’t offend or upset, if so please ignore it thanks.

winterwhite Sun 17-Sep-23 21:20:15

Yes I have and they are fairly detailed and I have told DH and the children where to find them. Nothing that they will dislike, just preferences of mine.

Patsy70 Sun 17-Sep-23 21:30:29

Strangely, Enidd, we were discussing this earlier over dinner. Well, I was! 😂 I would like something really very simple, with only our immediate family and close friends at the local crematorium. My ashes to be scattered en masse in the woods behind our garden. One or two pieces of music, with a couple of short stories or poems, to be chosen by me and my children. Afterwards, I’d like them all to celebrate my life at our local pub, where we’ve held many special parties over the 40 years I’ve lives in the village.

M0nica Sun 17-Sep-23 22:03:02

Funeral plans are for the living, since we will have no means of ensuring they are carried out once we are dead.

Wenmore Mon 18-Sep-23 00:30:40

My DH knows l want a direct cremation (no service) and my eldest son would know where to spread the ashes. Up to them what they actually do but a service of any kind is simply not my type of thing.

Wenmore Mon 18-Sep-23 00:46:31


Funeral plans are for the living, since we will have no means of ensuring they are carried out once we are dead.

My sons' father appeared to think that. He left no indication of his wishes despite having a terminal disease. It would have been far easier if he'd left, or at least discussed, plans for the occasion. A will would have made everything far simpler too.

M0nica Mon 18-Sep-23 08:00:17

Wenmore I cannot see that having no funeral plans can be a problem. You just do whatever you prefer and is convemient. The lack of a will is something else entirely and having been involved in dealing with the estates of people who did not make wills, and as well as those who did, I know how much hassle this causes.

Iam64 Mon 18-Sep-23 08:30:00

My daughters know I want a wicker coffin and to be buried with their dad. I trust them to organise a service and wake that does it’s best to ease their grief

buffyfly9 Mon 18-Sep-23 08:43:00

My husband and I want no fuss therefore I looked at Pure Cremation (several years ago) and decided it fulfilled our needs. My daughter on the other hand thinks it is awful and likes the traditional type of funeral with funeral cars, services, weeping and buffets. When I read the small print it stated that the relatives of the deceased can alter the arrangements to suit themselves. We decided not to proceed as there seemed no point in expressing a wish, paying up front and then not having it! I agree with Monica, there will be plenty of money left for my daughter to do what she wants and I won't know about it. Funerals are really for those left behind.

Enidd Mon 18-Sep-23 08:44:07

@Patsy70, this sounds like something I’d consider.

@Wenmore, I’m not so fussed about a service either.

Once I finally decide what I’d like then I’ll tell the children as I know they would carry out my wishes.

SachaMac Mon 18-Sep-23 08:50:55

My family are aware of my wishes and I trust them to give me a good send off. I will have a service with some of my favourite songs played, followed by cremation then a traditional gathering with drinks and a buffet afterwards. Family flowers only and donations to my favourite charity. My ashes will be buried with my DH, there’s space on the headstone for my name.

Witzend Mon 18-Sep-23 08:56:15


Funeral plans are for the living, since we will have no means of ensuring they are carried out once we are dead.

A childless aunt of mine prepaid hers, and left instructions with the funeral directors as to what she wanted - which was something fairly simple.
We were profoundly grateful for her foresight and consideration.

Granny23 Mon 18-Sep-23 11:08:07

My DD1, who is an Independent Celebrant, is being increasingly approached by people who are terminally ill or very old, to plan their own funeral service in advance. They choose the method, location, guest list and music and choose who they want to mention or thank. Also dictate their own story of their life. DD then writes up the service and visits again with a copy for their approval.Sometimes they will share this with close family and amend to suit their wishes - sometimes they insist in writing that the funeral be conducted exactly as they have planned.

aonk Mon 18-Sep-23 13:19:42

I would like a traditional C of E funeral service with hymns and only religious music. I want this mainly for my DDs to meet with people who will support them. As for afterwards a discreet get together preferably with no alcohol but I realise that may be too much to ask. I don’t see funerals as celebrations as some people do.,

Judy54 Mon 18-Sep-23 17:18:15

A church service followed by a cremation and a wake with alcohol to toast me.

grandMattie Wed 20-Sep-23 11:32:56

Our son died intestate suddenly and unexpectedly two years ago. Organising his funeral was a nightmare as his 17 year-old son was in a state of complete shock. We did our best, but it would have been helpful to have had an idea of what he would have wanted. I don't think my other children have made plans...

When my DH died 10 months later, he had planned everything, sorted everything out, made a new Will, etc., which made life a great deal easier for me.

What we did in both cases was to have the committal and service first, then the coffin went alone to the crematorium. None of us wanted this horrible curtain closing thing. Their ashes were later buried in a churchyard where they had both worshipped, DH's in the same place as DS's.

Do plan ahead.

cookiemonster66 Wed 20-Sep-23 11:37:25

I organised my funeral plans in my early 40's, all my family know I want a natural burial in woodland. Trying to arrange funerals while grieving is a nightmare, save your family the stress and hassle do it yourself now, so all they have to do is read your wishes and it is done

Lizzie44 Wed 20-Sep-23 11:43:20

Have left written funeral instructions and have discussed them with DH and DDs. I trust them to abide by them. No religion, no service, no music, no congregation, no celebrant reading from a script - just the three of them to accompany me to the crematorium. I have specified the crematorium as it is in a beautiful location and is in close proximity to some nice restaurants where they can go to dine afterwards, raise a glass and share some memories. I't may not happen that way but it gives me peace of mind to have "a plan".

ninamoore Wed 20-Sep-23 11:57:32

Spreading ashes is not like spreading soil or coal ashes. Cremated remains of a human are not biodegradable.The ashes remain on the grounds surface. Is that where you want to be left?

icanhandthemback Wed 20-Sep-23 12:02:40

Two members of our family have died recently and they have not had funerals at all because that was what they wanted.

leeds22 Wed 20-Sep-23 12:16:39

Last trip to Harrogate crem for me. It's relatively easy for family and friends to get to. Youngest son knows where to scatter my ashes, if he's remembered. That's if I haven't taken my last trip to Switzerland ......

Visgir1 Wed 20-Sep-23 12:18:14

My MiL planned and paid for her funeral more than 20 years before she finally passed away.
She was always convinced she would last long after FiL passed away, she lived another 30 years into her mid 90's.
When the time came her funeral plan was actioned, the funeral directors commented the pre paid plan would now be about 4 times the cost today.
She would have been happy with that news.

polnan Wed 20-Sep-23 12:20:50

I have pre paid for my cremation. I hate the thought of being buried.. other than that.. it is just a bit of joke, saying what music I would like played.. I will be dead after all... well I hope so!

karmalady Wed 20-Sep-23 12:25:13

My husbands ashes are buried by the roots of his memorial oak tree, The tree is eight years old now and is growing into a fine specimen in the new little wood. That is were my ashes will go too, buried as they should be and with full permission

choughdancer Wed 20-Sep-23 12:29:34

Part of me wants a Pure Cremation, as I don't want much money spent in disposing of my body. I know that cremation is not good for the environment, though.

I looked into giving my body to science, but the cost of getting the body to the place where this could happen is prohibitive.

There is a beautiful woodland burial place nearby where my body could slowly rot in the earth and give back a little fertility to the earth. But this also is incredibly expensive, and I would rather the money was spent on the living!

We are not religious, so I hope that if they want to, my children, grandchildren and any other family could get together if they want to, and also my friends could maybe play a tune and do a dance in my memory, but again, only if they want to. I just don't want ANY money wasted on things they might feel are a duty.

I remember my brother's funeral with sadness as he was an atheist, but because of the suddenness of his death, none of us knew what to do, so there was a religious funeral, with an address by a cleric which was nothing to do with my brother. He would have hated it. It was very expensive, and he would have much preferred that money to have gone to help a donkey sanctuary or Amnesty International.

So... Pure Cremation; cheap, direct, but not good for the environment? Natural Burial with its huge cost but better for the environment? Instinctively I would like to be wrapped in a hemp fabric fabric, and to be buried without fuss in a random field!