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Grandparents with grandchildren in jail…

(34 Posts)
Nolittleredluggage Thu 16-Nov-23 12:26:21

my grandson is in another state. He was arrested for second-degree murder. I’m trying to get an attorney for him and it’s expensive. My son feels I am wrong to do this. But I can’t sit by and let him be represented by a public defender. I’m so conflicted has anybody been in the similar or same circumstance?

It’s painful. He was my first grandchild. And today is his 23rd birthday.

Nolittleredluggage Thu 16-Nov-23 12:45:24

My son also said if I help my grandson he will never see me again.. my heart is so broken.

Blossoming Thu 16-Nov-23 12:53:53

What an awful situation you are in. I’ve no experience of this, and I think you’re in the US so not sure how things work over there. Sorry I can’t help! You have my sympathy flowers

Allsorts Thu 16-Nov-23 12:57:58

Can’t give you any advice as I have no experience, but do feel for you. Don’t cause a rift with you son though, he must be heartbroken too and need you. . I don’t know the back up to this as there are so many different factors that come into play. Has your grandson been a good decent person up until now. Someone is dead now who would still be alive. There is a saying saying, hate the sin but love the sinner, don’t let that blind you to the the truth.

hamster58 Thu 16-Nov-23 12:58:17

You don't say if you feel your grandson is guilty or innocent, I presume the latter as you want him defended in the best possible way. I also assume from your son's comment that he thinks he IS guilty, as surely otherwise he would feel as you do. If your grandson is guilty, do you still feel he should have the best chance to be found innocent? I'm sorry, if this sounds judgemental, but I can see where your son is coming from if he feels his own son may be guilty. Do correct me if I've misunderstood, and I'm sorry you find yourself in this sad situation anyway

sweetcakes Thu 16-Nov-23 13:02:07

Oh wow what a dilemma I do feel for you, on one hand you feel the need to help your grandson and on the other risk alienating your son not a choice I would like to make!
Can you afford it? And it seems that your grandson is a repeat offender from what you've posted.
I don't envy you and hope you make the right decision.

Germanshepherdsmum Thu 16-Nov-23 13:25:41

Your son obviously considers that your grandson is guilty and I assume you think that a paid lawyer is more likely to get him found not guilty. Your grandson will receive proper representation from a qualified lawyer under the public defender system. Don’t risk losing your son over this. If your grandson is guilty of having taken another person’s life it’s right that he is convicted and appropriately sentenced.

Shelflife Thu 16-Nov-23 14:02:37

Oh my goodness! I can't begin to imagine how you feel and I hope you have the support of friends. Whatever happens I feel it is important to retain your relationship with your son , it would seem he feels his son is guilty. He must be going through hell! Obviously we do not understand the full story but I think your son needs you, please do not jeopardize your relationship with him . I wish you well💐

OldFrill Thu 16-Nov-23 14:05:36

You may be the only person that will stand by your grandson. I think that's worth taking into consideration. I wish you well in an impossible situation.

Hithere Thu 16-Nov-23 14:06:53

Second degree murder is a very serious offense - I wonder if there are prior offenses

sodapop Thu 16-Nov-23 15:12:03

That's a dreadful situation to be in nolittleredluggage for all of you. I agree in principle with GSM but I can understand you wanting the best support for your grandson. I really don't think you should become estranged from your son.

Smileless2012 Thu 16-Nov-23 15:18:39

This is a dreadful situation, the stuff of nightmares. I can also understand why you want to support your GS in any way you can.

I don't think you should become estranged from your son either, but I don't think he should be threatening you this as like he is doing, you should be free to take what you believe to be the right course of action flowers.

Nolittleredluggage Wed 29-Nov-23 04:52:22

Thank you all for your kindness and consideration. My grandson was being threatened by a group of other young men in a “stand your ground state”. He fired his gun into the air but without deliberation. The death wasn’t intentional. But as you know, firing a gun bears the knowledge there’s a possibility someone will die…

He’s a young boy still, very immature. My son is not his father. But sees only black and white - no in between…

My heart is broken. I want to help him, but don’t want to risk my relationship with my son. At the same time, I am very, very angry with my son for trying to bind my hands.

A private attorney would be a painful expense, but I just learned the PD is not trying to “upset the prosecutors office” and wants to plead his case down and not fight for him…I have to find out why.

I can’t share much here, but my head is swimming. My heart is broken.

Nolittleredluggage Wed 29-Nov-23 04:54:58

There’s so much to this, I shouldn’t have brought it here. I am sorry I did. I’m just….overwhelmed

Grammaretto Wed 29-Nov-23 05:05:48

What is the likely punishment for your DGS?
Can you support your family in other ways besides paying for defence, which may make no difference?

Nolittleredluggage Wed 29-Nov-23 05:16:04

10 years to 480 months……..

BlueBelle Wed 29-Nov-23 06:10:49

Oh my word nolittle I know nothing about US law I hate the idea that anyone in US can carry and use guns He wouldn’t be in this pickle if there was no guns allowed to the masses but that’s immaterial
You obviously feel it was a total mistake and he shot without intention
Where is the boys real parents as you say your son isn’t his father ??
I hope you can find a solution for you all and it’s not two lives lost

pascal30 Wed 29-Nov-23 12:06:03

What a very painful situation, you obviously love both your son and DGS. Do you have any other family support at the moment? Perhaps you could take some legal advise as to whether you hiring an attorney for him would allow him to properly plead his case.. and help mitigate his sentence but it doesn't seem a good idea to alienate your son. Perhaps he will change his mind.. You can though assure your grandson that you will always love him..

grandmalynn Wed 29-Nov-23 12:10:15

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Germanshepherdsmum Wed 29-Nov-23 12:39:09

In this country, OP, if you are guilty and you plead guilty you will get a lesser sentence than if you continue to plead not guilty. No idea if this applies in the US.

welbeck Wed 29-Nov-23 13:33:25

grandmalynn, what about the person she killed, have you no sympathy for him/her and their family.

welbeck Wed 29-Nov-23 13:35:56

sorry, OP, nothing to suggest, except i think GSM is right.
if the attorney is to do a deal, a plea bargain, that is because he/she knows it is the safest way to try to limit the punishment.
in cases where the evidence is overwhelming.

MercuryQueen Thu 30-Nov-23 06:31:44

It sounds as though it’s a pretty open and shut case. There’s no question that your grandson is responsible for the death of another person. I think the PD is doing the best they can: plea bargain and hope for a lighter sentence.

A lot will depend on previous convictions, if any, arrests, etc.

I understand this is incredibly painful for you, but he’s a 23 yo man, not a young boy, and he’s responsible for the loss of a life. You can’t save him from the consequences of his actions. Let the PD handle it. Hiring someone isn’t going to solve this, and takes a massive gamble in going to trial. You could spend tens of thousands of dollars, only for your grandson to end up in a worse situation than a plea bargain could be, and you could end up bankrupt with the bills.

grandmalynn Thu 30-Nov-23 10:55:03

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Germanshepherdsmum Thu 30-Nov-23 10:56:08

How dare she what?