Oh Kimrus ! I am lost for words! I am so so sorry! This is even worse than the pain I have surrounding my father's death!
I feel so distressed for you! I really do. I went through so much pain when my dad was dying, driving 4 hours a day to stay with him overnight, returning to wash the sheets which were from my children's beds and they were using cot sheets. Then driving back to put the clean sheets on and stay the night again. After falling asleep on the motorway driving back one morning I arranged a Nurse to
stay with Dad overnight. I told my daughter,10, I would just take over the sheets and visit Grandad and be back later. Her father had killed himself 2 years before and Grandad's dying was very hard for her. I arrived to find my mother had dismissed the Nurse and I had to stay again. I have a sister, mother's favourite, who has two adult sons, but they were nowhere near.
Eventually the District Nurse ordered that I had to rest and I stayed home after bringing all my three girls over to see Dad on Sunday. My eldest went back to Uni. Next day I phoned at 9 am in the car park by the shops to ask if there was anything my mother wanted me to buy on my way there. The phone call went: Me "Hello it's Elle just.." my cousin's daughter who is a Palliative Care Doctor interrupts "I'm too upset I can't talk. Uncle H has just died" and slams down the phone. I still feel the cold air of the car park on my face and the unreal feeling that my dad had gone and I was just standing there, looking like I was doing the shopping. So that's how I learned of my father's death, from the daughter of an older cousin, who lives in Australia and had seen my dad about twice in 10 years, who was a Doctor treating people who are dying, that my DAD had died, but she "couldn't talk" because her uncle had died! He was my dad!
So, believe me, when I read that you were not even able to get to your father's funeral, I really did start crying and I am now! The typos will be many as i can't see!
I am both distressed for you and so angry with your sisters.
Mine - a half-sister as I always point out, - is equally disgusting. I do all the work. Always have. She sits around like the Queen. My mother used to fuss over her and her disgusting drunken "boys". When dad died they behaved so badly, taking things I had given dad - my dad - from whom they had stolen and whom they derided and made cry...
I do not see them now. It is a longer story...
I am glad you exert control over your mother's finances. You do know that whoever has the primary control of her accounts needs to present them to the other attorney(s) once a year? I say this because my mother also had Dementia. My sister, living nearer, took over her money, but I was also an attorney, "jointly and severally" so my sister could sign without me. I was desperately worried about my mother's finances and my sister who was obviously helping herself. My mother's solicitor said she had to present the books to me. She didn't. So I reported her to the Court of Protection. The police were involved and more occurred... but my mother died which meant the Court of Protection was no longer involved and my ex-half-sister got away. However, the Police said they knew more about her (can't say) and her sons and advised me to sever all contact for my own safety.
I feel so strongly for you! I would just say, hang in there and one day you will be able to be free of them. I am very sorry you have a family like this. But I understand from the bottom of my heart.
Justanotherwannabe. I came across this in my mother's side of the family. A cousin who is adopted was left out of her father's will! How cruel can people be? I was so shocked when I heard I literally couldn't speak. You know when we say it we thing it means we don't know what to say, -well I did think that - but I actually couldn't make a sound! My mother and an aunt were talking at me saying things and getting annoyed because I wasn't answering and I was just opening and shutting my mouth like a goldfish.
I am glad your cousin has you. You at least are a decent and kind person! ??