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Bereavement

Death....cannot stop thinking about it

(89 Posts)
Blacktabby2 Tue 30-Apr-19 18:13:34

I am 58 yrs old. I lost my mum 6 months ago and my best mate same age as me 3 weeks ago. I have had various health problems over 3 years...none life threatening but at the time they could have been bad. But all negative. Now my blood tests are up the creek. Having Googled it..not a good idea...l am convinced l wont live long. I have so much living to do! Why and how can l just put death out of my head and be happy and enjoy life? I am disabled...back injury.. so am retired. It's easy for people to say "be happy" but it's constantly on my mind! Anyone else like this? or am l just odd!!! Thankyou GNs.....xxx

Lily65 Tue 30-Apr-19 18:29:41

I guess we are not machines, we are human and we become overwhelmed.

Bridgeit Tue 30-Apr-19 18:43:06

You have answered your own question , ie I have so much living to do. But I think you may have a little bit of work to do to convince yourself that worry will not help you to live or stop you or any of us from dying , but it will make your life miserable .
Just try to take a day at a time doing what you do but without thinking that it may be your last, one thing you can be sure of is that one day it will be true. So every day that you wake up enjoy it as much as is possible, best wishes

sodapop Tue 30-Apr-19 20:11:05

Good advice from Bridgeit take one day at a time and try to enjoy at least part of that day. You have had two losses close together and need to grieve Blacktabby nothing wrong with that just don't let it take over your life. Good wishes from me too.

Blacktabby2 Tue 30-Apr-19 20:23:21

Thankyou. I will SODAPOP x

grannyticktock Tue 30-Apr-19 20:32:26

Sometimes when we lose someone close, it's easy to feel "survivor guilt" at still being alive. It's not logical, but it happens. Once you recognise this (if it's the case) it may be easier to give yourself permission to carry on and enjoy life, instead of feeling you don't deserve to be alive.

BlueSky Tue 30-Apr-19 20:35:53

Blacktabby2 it's natural that you feel like you do after two losses so close to you. I've felt a little bit like that after a health scare and after losing a few friends and colleagues, some even younger than myself. As we age this sadly will happen more and more, but as others have said we mustn't become obsessed about it, can only take one day at the time and make the most of it. Make also sure you are reassured about your health worries, this will help a lot.

lemongrove Tue 30-Apr-19 20:41:40

There comes a point in life when we realise there isn’t all that much time left and that the better part of life has gone.
Since we can’t know how much we have left, it’s best to enjoy life as much as possible, even in small ways.At 58 you are very likely one of the youngest GNers though.
Considering our own mortality is part of what makes us human and it’s natural to think of it now and again as we grow older.Not good to be obsessed by it though, and hopefully you won’t be after a while, but you have had two deaths to deal with of people you were close to.
I think you will cease to constantly worry about death Blacktabby when a little more time passes.

fizzers Tue 30-Apr-19 20:44:46

I could've written Blacktabby's post I worry about death constantly

B9exchange Tue 30-Apr-19 21:39:03

First, don't Google your blood results, talk them over with the doctor who requested them as soon as you can, and find out what they do mean for you. You will then know where you are.

58 is no age at all, even if you have had to retire through back problems. Get your health sorted, then plan for the things that you would enjoy. Little things day by day, so you have a reason to get up each day. And when you can, a holiday to explore new horizons.

You are naturally still grieving, it is very early days, some counselling would really help you with the bereavement process, if you can access it?

crazyH Tue 30-Apr-19 21:42:16

You are a spring chicken.....you have a lot of living to do ....

Doodle Tue 30-Apr-19 21:44:23

blacktabby DHs bloods are all over the place. Mutated genes the lot. All in hand with the haematology department. They say, no panic, no worry and no danger. Don’t worry yourself about it just wait till you have discussed it with the doctors.

Doodle Tue 30-Apr-19 21:45:13

P.S. Forgot to say sorry for your loss. You are vulnerable at the moment.

Blacktabby2 Wed 01-May-19 09:13:07

Thankyou all... l feel a bit better after discussing it with you all. The sun has started shining...always makes me feel better! I love Gransnet...one lovely family...and you are only a text away... have a lovely day all of you...much love xxx⚘ps...off to Slimming World soon...🙈

cherylann2461 Wed 01-May-19 09:41:39

This could be me speaking. Its always on my mind and i have had counselling and all sorts for it, i think it stems from seeing my Grandad drop dead in front of me when i was 11.

polnan Wed 01-May-19 09:44:02

me too fizzers.. hugs and prayers to you Blacktabby2

Blacktabby2 Wed 01-May-19 09:45:11

Sending group hug. Thankyou all for your kind comments xxx

DeeDum Wed 01-May-19 09:45:20

I'm not surprised after all that's been happening..
Find something you love to do, hobby, theatre. Group, church etc etc throw yourself completely into something you've always fancied doing x

lovebeigecardigans1955 Wed 01-May-19 09:46:47

You've been through a lot in a short space of time which is often overwhelming and you're bound to worry about the future. All I can say is that it is better to make the most out of ^ life^, taking one step at a time. Sorry for your loss.

Larsonsmum Wed 01-May-19 09:49:25

I'm almost 62 and live with 70+ diagnosed illnesses/conditions, many chronic and several progressive. I'm disabled and considerably debilitated. I've had much loss too since 2010, both my parents and 4 relatives, a couple of dozen+ friends.

I'd cared for my very difficult parents for an exhausting 17 years, plus worked part-time, and helped run our IT business, a home had a dog, etc, etc, so when they passed away there was a degree of relief as well as mourning.

What keeps me going, and stops me feeling sorry for myself is all the people who are much worse off than I am, and the fact at least half of our friends who have died in recent years were in their 50s/60s - too young.

'Another Day, Another Hill To Climb' is my motto, and truly taking each day as it comes and getting great joy out of the life I have been dealt.

JohnD Wed 01-May-19 09:51:19

Sadly, it's the only event guaranteed to happen the minute after we are born, but, hopefully after many years . Think of the good time you had with your friends and family and this often keeps the worst thoughts away.

Veda Wed 01-May-19 09:52:41

I want to die. In fact I don’t believe that we do die, only our bodies. We are like a chrysalis, surrounded & inhibited by our bodies. When we pass over we shall be like a beautiful butterfly free to fly wherever.

janthea Wed 01-May-19 09:56:09

This could be me. I’m 73 and I edge in the middle of the night wondering whether I might die and no one find me fir days. I sorry what would happen to my cat. Silly I know. Both my mother and grandmother lived to their 90s. I seem in good health apart from aches and pains and asthma. Both daughters live abroad and I live alone.

NickyStraughan Wed 01-May-19 09:56:38

Emily Dean has written a book called 'Everybody died so I got a dog'. She lost both parents and her sister within about 3 years. You might find some inspiration from her story. I know a dog's not necessarily for everyone but it might be worth a read.
I hope that you find a path to light.

icanhandthemback Wed 01-May-19 09:58:11

If you are going to Google anything, Google "Mindfulness". Every time you find yourself thinking about death, force yourself to think about something else...try planning a trip, an activity, or something similar until the thoughts have disappeared. If your health has flattened you, look for smaller activities you can do until you have more energy.