My next-door-neighbour died late Monday night. We saw the ambulance but didn't intrude as there was another neighbour (a nurse) with them.
Tuesday morning his widow knocked to thank us for our note and to tell us what happened - she was, of course, weeping. I have totally no control so started weeping too, which I appreciate is not helpful, but something I can't seem to stop. (My mother used to tell me off as a child because I would always cry if someone else did - so I don't think there's much chance of me fixing it now).
What I am posting for, though, is to ask what those who have already been through this horrible scenario found helpful. I don't know what to say to her and I don't know what to do.
She said she had been looking round the house and was astonished that everything still looked the same.(I guess that's her processing the shock.) Then she said her son was coming but she didn't want him to. I asked why and she said she'd rather be left alone to deal with her emotions. I said I was glad he was coming and that she would appreciate him when he gave her a hug. She grudgingly agreed that he "needed to be there in order to deal with his own grief" which surprised me because they have always been very close.
She said the only help she wanted from me was to talk over the possibility of a burial without a funeral, which I said was definitely possible, but what did he want? She looked puzzled at that and didn't answer - I wonder if they never discussed it.
The deceased was 93 and his wife twenty years younger, although I don't know if that makes the slightest bit of difference to what anyone might kindly suggest...
Is there anything you found particularly helpful that someone did or said at this highly distressing emotional time?
Jillybird Wed 12-Aug-20 13:51:12
AGAA4 Wed 12-Aug-20 16:57:21
tanith Wed 12-Aug-20 17:06:30
Marmight Wed 12-Aug-20 17:15:21
Daddima Wed 12-Aug-20 18:11:36
Luckygirl Wed 12-Aug-20 18:30:31
Madgran77 Wed 12-Aug-20 18:35:18
Grandma70s Wed 12-Aug-20 18:41:36
V3ra Wed 12-Aug-20 18:43:53
Septimia Wed 12-Aug-20 18:51:17
sodapop Wed 12-Aug-20 19:51:11
lemongrove Wed 12-Aug-20 19:56:24
hopstone Thu 13-Aug-20 10:03:07
polnan Thu 13-Aug-20 10:10:58
GoldenAge Thu 13-Aug-20 10:17:37
timetogo2016 Thu 13-Aug-20 10:21:50
MollyM Thu 13-Aug-20 10:22:33
lovebooks Thu 13-Aug-20 10:24:19
janestheone Thu 13-Aug-20 10:25:48
Aepgirl Thu 13-Aug-20 10:29:07
annecordelia Thu 13-Aug-20 10:30:14
Humbertbear Thu 13-Aug-20 10:31:35
Jillybird Thu 13-Aug-20 10:38:34
4allweknow Thu 13-Aug-20 10:44:23
Pittcity Thu 13-Aug-20 10:48:20