Welcome GrandmaPam. When my first GD was born I visited every day but went home at night, I live in the north east and 40 minutes travelling from DS and Dil. I think they thought they could manage without help but after a CS it was a case of all hands on deck. A very different story for second GD, an elective CS and coinciding with GD1 starting pre-school. DH and I moved into DS's and took over childcare and meal preparation and so on. Worked quite well as DIL became ill with chest infection and needed medical care too. We stayed only until DIL said she thought she could manage and DS was on paternity leave too.
I think it is important not to outstay your welcome and do what we always say ... bite your tongue, they have all these books you see that tell them how to do things properly
I do not know this person - AIBU?
Messy house - getting uptight
Everyone else has known for years - what did you just find out?