On infidelity

Jess M, yes my daughters really are going through great pain(though they had no illusions about their father - he was not a good dad), and what is truly painful to me is that they do not want to confide in me - only their counsellors and their friends. And what is more - they do not want to hear about what they call my 'stuff'. I found this very hard and unfair but am biting my tongue and think we must agree to disagree. My son and his wife have, however, been completely supportive.
One good thing is that I feel able to do things that I know they would disapprove of - ie when a group of former colleagues sent him a get-well card with a three quite intimate/friendly messages from women of course, and this broke me up, I wrote a 1,000 word story called 'The Deception', read it to a friend and asked ' should I send it to these three ? She said 'Whatever makes you feel good.'So I sent it and got a very sweet and understanding phone call in return. Have also had some very nice messages and notes in Christmas cards too, which have heartened me. At first I was angry and bitter but now I often feel very bleak and sad.

On the positive side it does sound like your daughters are working through their upset - if they are seeing counsellors. There are many worse things they could be doing - and they may be quite right that they are not good people for you to "offload" to either right now. Have you found yourself a counsellor?

JessM - yes, I have got a counsellor and we have had several sessions - during most of which I have been talking and offloading. However, I do know that I need to stop obsessing about them - where they went, what they did and I hope that soon she can help me with that .
What is past is past, of course but it is My past too and I feel that, though I brought up four lovely children,a greater part of my life was wasted in staying with a man who clearly did not respect or care for me.