Going it alone

You brought tears to my eyes Sally because you are going through what we all dread happening,Ive thought how I would cope and I really don't know. I thought all the points you made we're so useful as its hard to know what to do if a friend or neighbour looses a partner,you want to give them space and not interfere. I did cross the street to speak to a neighbour who lost her husband I didn't know her very well but I spoke to her husband a lot while walking the dog,I just felt I had to acknowledge the fact that he had died I hope I did do the right thing.

Very useful advice to us all. I hope I am able to follow up on these suggestions and thank you for them.

How well you describe your feelings, Sally. I don't know many people who have lost their partners as yet - only one or two, really. How awful it must be to be in a company of couples, when they are so accepting of being what they are - a couple - and all the while the newly widowed person might be wanting to say to them, "Speak to each other. Tell each other how you feel...speak it out, etc, etc."
Asking the person how they're doing, do they need help to do something, or go somewhere when they may feel wary of doing this alone (and mean it), really isn't difficult.
Thank you Sally.

Thank you for sharing that with us Sally. I too have done the avoiding the bereaved bit, not knowing what to say, or how to act with them, although I was thoroughly ashamed of myself at the time.

Thanks for that blog, Sally. Grief is such a personal thing that others often feel they are intruding or pressing buttons you don't want pressing. It can also lock others out, who want to say how they feel about losing that person, too. My BiL is a widower of 10 months and fiercely independent, so trying to offer support has become quite a challenge, but he acknowledges that he misses that support if it isn't still offered. After reading your blog, I am going to phone him this morning.

I would second all these suggestions. One smile and one word of greeting as you pass can lighten our mood, and a cup of coffee and a biscuit will transform our outlook for a whole day.

I wonder whether this is someone well known on GN! The story sounds familiar.
It has always been a regret to me that once, when a young adult, I did cross the road and pretend I had not seen a neighbour whose husband had committed suicide. I later visited to apologise, but have never got over my shame. I realized that all I had to say was 'how are you?'
One point I would make is that it is pointless to vaguely say 'if there is anything I can do'. I always try to think of something practical I can offer, and follow it up, as being shy I am not great at talking.
My thoughts are with you Sally, as some say that the second year of widowhood can be just as bad as the first.

Sally, thank you for that, grief is such a personal experience that it can be a little difficult for others to know how best to react. You sharing your experience will hopefully give me the confidence to help others in the same situation.