Going it alone

No I don't think Toby is missing Skipper, Toby is only 11 weeks old so like babies they easily forget, he has his sister here with him most of the time & also my daughter's Labradoodle is around a lot, they all play together, Toby had a "sleep-over" the night I went to the show lol, my eldest daughter only lives across the patio from me, she has a chalet home, but the weather was so bad she decided to keep Toby over there rather than come out in it.

So sorry to hear you lost your older dog, Spindrift . It is the hardest part of being a pet owner that our furry friends lives are so short compared with ours. Glad you have the little one, though. He looks adorable. Do you think he is missing his big brother?

Our 13 year old dog died two years ago and our younger dog (now aged 7 yrs) went into a terrible depression for several months. He is much better now but it was quite sad to see him pining for his pal.

Extra hard for you losing your dog when there was the connection to your husband. I really feel for you.

I forgot to say there is a picture of Toby with his sister Sika (My daughter has that one but she spends a lot of time here) on my photo file, they are brilliant gardeneers lol they prune everything then sit in the plantpots & sometimes go to sleep

The puppy (Toby) is doing well & growing fast Bellasnana, he is full of mischief, but is also helping me get over the loss of my old dog nearly a fortnight ago, he just got ill all of a sudden, the vet said kidney failure & he was in pain, so I had to let the old fellow go, he was 13, a really faithfull companion especially after my hubby died, Toby & he had bonded so well, they were toghter all the time until Skipper got ill, Toby has been looking for him for a few days but now must have realised he isn't coming back.

Enjoy Christmas as much as you can everyone,like you said Lindylooby it will be good to have a quiet moment just to reflect, there will only be my daughter here, she won't be here all day just come for her lunch & open her presents, mostly I will be by myself

wish I could give you all real ones xxx

I bumped into a woman in the graveyard the other day. She was in distress and I asked if I could help in any way. She said her husband had died, in her arms, nine moths go from cancer and this was her first Christmas without him. She looked so bewildered and was so missing him, even though she has family around her and was going to her daughter's on Christmas Day.
It brought it home to me how hard it is to 'go it alone'.
For all of you who have lost your soul mate, whether recently or not, I wish you peace

First Christmas, feel apprehensive about the way I will feel on the day. It is 8 months now, and I must be honest and say I feel a lot more in control this last few weeks.
Think about Mike all the time, wondering what we would be doing if he were still here, knowing all the family would be coming here as they always did, hope he wouldn't be disappointed that I have broken that tradition, just for this year, ds.i.l and 2 gds from Holland coming tomorrow till Monday evening. Off to ds1 and 3 dgc on Christmas Eve. DD1 joining us with dgs Boxing Day. Then dd2 and partner arriving here 28th for couple of days. Have warned all that if I disappear during the day don't worry but I will need time to be on my own to remember Christmas past.
To everyone who has lost their partner, no matter how long ago I wish you a peaceful Christmas, and see you back on the forums some time over Christmas.

Spindrift sounds like you had quite a journey! Glad you enjoyed the concert and that it helped you to get through your sad anniversary. By the way, how is your puppy doing?

Well done! It gets easier every year, honestly. This year will be my eleventh.

Well I got over the 2nd anniversary of my hubby dying (20th), a bit easier this year than last, but it will never be easy. A friend had arranged for us to go to see André Rieu live at Leeds Arena on the 19th, it cost us quite a bit each but was worth every penny, the trip there was another thing though, what should have taken 1hr 40 mins took 4 hours, he had a pick-up in Bradford, but got lost we were in Bradford for over an hour I am sure we saw every street there , then off we went again, he didn't know where the Arena was, eventually found it, but there was no designated car park, coaches had to park on street sides & we had to walk the rest of the way, then a long queue to get in, luckily it was not raining, got in eventually & were shown where our seats were, right at the very top of the arena with about 15 steps to climb, I can't do steps, so we approached someone about it & he got the seats changed, we were right down then 2nd layer up, just 2 steps to manage, the show itself was really good, we were supposed to have time for a meal before the show but as we were late no chance, luckily we had taken a sandwich & a bottle of water as we hadn't eaten since midday, we left the house at 2pm to go meet the coach, I opened my bottle of fizzy water & some sprayed over a bald man's head in front of me, of course I said I was sorry, but my friend was nearly wetting herself trying not to laugh out loud. but it all helped with yesterday as I kept thinking of things that had happened & had a little laugh to myself, yes had a good cry as well, but I told myself I have to get on with life my hubby would want that.
Hope you all have a lovely Christmas

Sounds good! I'm sure you will have lots of fun watching them play together.....good luck

That's brilliant Spindrift . Friends of mine have two similar crosses and they refer to them as shitpoos. They are lovely dogs so I do wish you all many happy times together

I had to share this with you, yesterday I bought a new puppy, I already have a 13 year old Border Terrier, that is getting really deaf & sight not too good, I debated for weeks about getting a puppy, but it's the best thing I could have done, the puppy is a Shoodle, a Shi-Tzu X poodle, both my old dog & the new pup are males, I was still unsure when I brought it home, but it looks like I really did the right thing, they bonded straight away, came home at around 3pm, by evening they were lying on the floor cuddled up together asleep, It also makes me go outside in the garden a lot more for the necessary toilet training, they run around outside together, Toby has made a big difference to both Skipper (my old dog) & myself

bumped for Spindrift

I have just been onto the site, not really what I was looking for, I get plenty of phone calls from different parts of the country from on line friends, it's face to face contact I am really looking for people my own age. I do have a daughter living close by but she is very busy running her own business she popps in when she can but it's not the same as having a friend my own age to have a coffee & chat with etc.
Thanks for pointing me that way though

Thanks Elegran I will try to find that

Lindy - what admirable ideas you have. I do hope that the counselling helps and that you find the right cause to channel your energies and wishes.

spindrift Have you noticed the references to Silverline on another thread?. See the thread "Silverline" on the "Chat" topic.

I think this is an organisation which could be interesting to you on two levels

One is that they provide contact and a regular phone call to people on their own who have problems getting out of the house, second because they are looking for volunteer phoners, to regularly phone others. That is a form of voluntary work which is accessible to someone with a telephone and the ability to empathise with others. No need to stand all day in a charity shop or use upper body strength.

Doing something for someone else is the best way there is of filling an empty space in your life, and it leads to contact with others and a link to what is going on around you. It could lift you out of the place you are in danger of sticking in at the moment.

Kind thoughts and hugs, Lindy

I have decided after 7 months of widowhood and several letters from the hospice offering me bereavement counselling to give it a go.
I had some counselling about 10 years ago and I think it did help.....if only to make me believe in myself and not to take on everyone else's problems!
this past week has been one of the worst for me, it would have been our anniversary, Son's birthday, Christmas coming, long dark nights etc etc. There is a waiting list at the hospice for counselling and I should start sometime in January. I want something positive to come out of Mike's death and feel that I want to give something back to the hospice once I am stronger...I am lucky in as much have a wonderful family and friends who all got together to help me through the minefield of paperwork following Mike's death....something that I would normally have dealt with without a second thought. I want to see if I can offer help to people who haven't got such a good network to get through the mountain of paperwork, or just have a chat to, listen to people each deals with grief differently, but I want to try and help people with an insight into knowing how desolate they feel.
my love and thoughts with everyone on this long lonely road x

Just an aside, Jess - I love 'aftercrap'!

to all of you dealing with the loss of a loved one.

No counselling for me either. I deal with bad situations alone. But everyone must find what works best for them.

Not into it myself. Good friends like all of you on GN do me fine!

I don't have much upper body strength either, arthritis in my shoulders, LOL what a hopeless case

I have found counselling helpful in the past - after my first marriage broke up - dealing with some of the aftercrap.
In more recent years I went a few times to a wonderful hypnotherapist (not one of those hypnotists that claims to cure you of smoking in an hour). He helped me to deal with a variety of major stresses and move forward in a more relaxed and positive way. Some types of therapy focus on understanding the past (Freudian analysis being the most extreme, prolonged expensive version) and some forms are about changing how you feel and behave in the immediate future (CBT, brief therapies, NLP methods and hypnotherapy to name a few).
Of course some experienced practitioners have lots of tools in their bag of tricks. Good luck gally .

Perhaps getting all stirred up is part of this counsellor's programme. Bringing it all out and examining it is painful, but can be therapeutic in the long run - like physiotherapy, which exercises muscles you would rather leave in peace, but gets the pain worked out of them.

Go back for another session, but ask her for practical exercises to try this time. I agree with mishap that some people respond more to the talking cure, and some to other methods.