Going it alone

When, Kittylester and Gorki, thank you for your words of support. Occasional quick glimpses at GN are one of the things keeping me going. It is so comforting to know that there is still a world going on out there in which there is laughter and ordinary life.

Sewsilver. We're here for you. I'll PM you shortly.

Sewsilver, if only these hugs could be real ((( hugs )))

sewsilver (((hugs)))) Keep posting when you need to.

People complain about the long winter evenings, but I find the long summer evenings the worst, you can hear people in their gardens laughing, having fun & you are all alone, I think this is the lonliest time

Spindrift My thoughts are with you. I still have my DH with me but he has no memory of our shared life and I feel very alone although not in your situation I hasten to add. The surrounding gardens are full of family barbecues and children playing although it has just started spitting with rain,but it is a reminder of past times. I hope things get easier for you with time.

Spindrift and annsixty .Though not having had your experiences ,I can feel for you both and can imagine what it would be like. Life can be very hard at times and I'm sure week-ends are difficult too. I hope it won't be too long before you can begin to take pleasure in things again.

Thanks Gorki, it's hard to explain to anyone that hasn't been in this situation what it feels like, it's a very strange feeling, you just seem to exsist from day to day, oh it's a lot better now than it was in the beginning, but I don't think it will ever be the same again, a large chunk of my life has gone, I urge everyone now to keep in touch with all the friends they can, I lost all but one of my friends because my hubby didn't like people coming here or me going to other people's houses, at the time you don't realise but when left alone you suddenly do
all the best to you too Annsixty

SPRINDRIFT you are so right. I was lucky, Mike and I had many friends together and apart. Since he died 3 months ago I cannot tell you how important it has been to see those friends and recall happy memories. Family is really important, but friends can share more 'grown' up memories, of holidays, nights out and just about every topic. I thank all of my friends and family for helping me through this horrid time, they are giving me a reason to go on.
But life stopped for me on 16 April, and since then I am trying to carve out a new life. Nothing will ever bring me the joy we had, the cuddles, the hand holding wherever we went, the mouthed 'I Love You' that we would share across crowded rooms...and the simple things like just enjoying each others company safe in the knowledge we had both found our soulmate. I would give everything up just to have him back for another day! Treasure your OH because when they are gone the world ends. My love and hugs to you all who find yourselves in the same position as me, and good wishes to all those lucky enough to still have the Love of their lives with them. X

Hi Sewsilver Hope you have lots of support. Thinking of you

I think the waiting for the inevitable is the worst bit. I know how you feel. My sympathies and prayers.

To all those who have lost someone they love, or are slowly losing that person I send a big ((((hug)))). I wish I could do more, but your stories have moved me to great sadness and the stirred the memory of my own unbearable loss

My hubby was never a touchy/feely sort of man LindyLoo, but I knew he loved me, he showed it in various different ways, the same as I knew he knew he wasn't coming out of that hospital, he told me he loved me, a thing he would never usually do, the way he was brought up, it wasn't the done thing to show your emotions, he used to get embarrassed if I said I loved him or tried to give him a hug, yet the last few days he seemed to like that. That was the first feeling I got, my world has ended, yes it has ended the way it was, but we have to try to carve out a new world for ourselves our OHs would want that, it's hard & never the same as it was before we lost them, but life has to go on

Ending up alone is never easy and I feel great sympathy to those of you whose husband/partner have died. To lose a beloved one after many happy years together must be completely heart-breaking.
I can't help wondering which is worse, - if your partner dies or if they leave you for another woman/man?
It's a very different kind of grief, I think, mixed with anger.
After 5 years now on my own, I have learned to overcome the anger and am coping most of the time, interspersed with some bad days still.

people have often asked me have I gone through the angry stage, I haven't, because I knew my OH so well this is the way he would have wanted to go, he used to say I don't want to live until I am old, it used to make me cross, but now I understand what he meant, he didn't want to live & have an old persons ailments, he didn't cope well at all with being ill, he was a doer, never stopped, promised me when he retired he would relax more & do less, did he? did he heck he did even more, he enjoyed working, he was always wanting to mow the lawns (garden tractor) it was all I could do to stop him or we would have had nothing but soil. If he had recovered & couldn't do that he would have been so miserable & would have died very soon anyway feeling totally miserable, so he got his way & for that I am grateful not angry, he died going to help a neighbour, a very cold rough night, he went out from a warm house into it & 3 blood clots hit his heart simultaneously, we didn't even know about the clots, he hadn't been ill at all, just a bit short of breath at times. for you all

Morning everyone! Well here I am 4 months into this new life that death forced me to enter, just thought I would put down in wring where I feel I am.
Since Mike died my family and friends have been amazing and have made sure I am kept busy, but last week I suddenly felt I was worrying too much about everyone else and I needed to be at home on my own for a week, (just had Jess our beagle for company). I told everyone that I was fine but needed to grieve for Mike on my own, to just do as I felt. They all understood, Lthough my youngest daughter has told me this week she was worried I might have done something silly! I didn't do much last week, I chatted to Mike's ashes, shouted at the photos and cried at the dvds. But, I do feel a lot better, I feel Mike all around me, I have booked to see the doctor next week to discuss my 'guilt' feelings....should I have noticed something earlier, should we not have blamed silly little signs on his Parkinson's disease. I feel it will be another step towards closure. I have accepted life will never be the same. But have started making plans to give me (and the family) little goals. So will be going to Dorset with friends in September, off to the Netherlands in November to see eldest daughter and family. We have booked a very large 'cottage' for next August for chikdren grandchildren and I to have a family holiday......little steps but I know Mike would be pleased.
The worst thing about losinga loved one is that your life also ends, and this new slightly foreign and initially false life begins. I am lucky, I have a wonderful network around me, but my heart goes out to those you find themselves lonely as well as alone. My love and hugs to all of you who are at any stage of the losing or lost stage in life. I wish you could learn about this awful feeling before it happens as it just is the most difficult feeling.

A big warm hug to you Lindy.

What a brave post Lindy - well done you for such positive thinking. My eldest sister lost her husband after only five years of marriage and she said that the pain eases but you have a part of you that's always numb. I hope that is not so for you and that you gradually get stronger and more able to cope. I am very impressed by your positivity.

Heaps of good wishes to you, Lindy. So sorry for your loss. Don't feel guilty though, it cannot be your fault in any way. Here is wishing you much peace and acceptance, and finding happiness in the future.

Just a note to everyone, hope you are all well & coming to terms with your situation, I know I am dealing better now with things
& for you all xx

Hi Sprindrift and everyone else, 6 months into widowhood, yes I am getting better with coping and living this new life......most of the time, but it is still the little things that catch me out. Trying to put a brave face on for the dc and dgc does get hard sometimes, where would I be without the friends I can let my feelings really show, in a really bad place I think.
Our wedding anniversary coming up and a first solo flight to Holland to see eldest dd and gc next week then c..... yuk can't bear to think about that day at the moment, but it is only 1 day or so I keep telling myself.
Hope you are all doing ok, let us all know that here we can catch up every so often, and know that we are not the only ones going through this.
A and a for all of us.

Lindy Good for you for grieving in such a positive way, and getting on with life as well as you can at the moment.

I have just lost my husband after six weeks in Intensive care following an
Operation. I am finding it impossible to believe he will not walk in the room.
After 58 years marriage I am lost and desolate. Can anyone tell me it will
Get better?

Sp.

Having lost mine 10 years ago, I can assure you it will get better. You get used to the loss eventually

You'll get lots of support on here, Steeple