Going it alone

People that haven't gone through what we have gone through don't understand that it takes different people different amount of times to come to terms with our loss, life will never ever be the same again, but all we can do is try to make the best of the life we have now, I say goodnight to my hubby's photo every night before I go to bed, he went so suddenly that it made me take stock of my life & to realise life is very fragile, from a seemingly healthy man he went out the door to help a neighbour, never to come back again, one thing I am very grateful for is the fact that there is nothing I wish I had said to him or him to me, I know many people have regrets of not having said "this or that", this is a great comfort to me that we did do just that.
Hope this sunny weather helps all of you, I am working a lot in my beloved garden & that really helps me.
[flower] for you all xx

You say things so beautifully Lindylooby.Such helpful comments. . May your different life be as blessed as your former one

Spindrift, you have echoed everything I have thought, yes someone said, 'Oh you sound more like your old self!' I said I will never be the old me anymore because my life changed forever the moment Mike died. But, like you I know he would want me to be here for the family, to paint my nails again as I always did when he was alive, and to keep talking about him to all those that knew him. So I am a different person starting a different life, with all the love in the world for my lovely husband, but I cry in private, (sometimes when I'm with friends and family as well, but try not to be sad all the time in front of them) - plenty of time for silent tears, loud crying/sobbing, and conversations with photos when I am here on my own! Enjoy every minute of every day, because you never know when your life will change forever, and no amount of wishing will bring them back!
Lynne x

It's a pain no-one can explain unless they have been there themselves, the bottom of your world falls out, after a couple of days my thoughts were, my life is over too, but then started to think my hubby wouldn't want that, oh yes life as I knew it has gone but bit by bit I am learning to live without him, every one takes different amounts of time for this to happen, but it really does get easier, one thing I vowed as well was that I would talk about him & my best friend, who knew him for almost 30 years, is very good at that & we often speak of him & things he would do or say.

It's just impossible to imagine this raw pain, Lindylooby. My heart goes out to you and hope that one day you're able to come to terms a little with your grief. xx

To all the lovely people who have written on this thread, I just wanted you all to know I have been thinking of you all, and just knowing I am not the only one going through such terrible grief has given me strength...I hope it has given you strength as well? If any of you want to PM me we can chat about our grief or just about anything you want as at this time us widows really do need each other sometimes, however good our personal family and friends are, unless you've been through the loss of partner/husband you cannot imagine the pain that goes on and on.
Lynne

I am right at the top of North West Lancashire, almost in the Lake District, I don't travel as I can't manage alone. But a nice thought, furthest I travel is 10 mile round trip to the supermarket.

Meeting up in Bluewater on 5th June. But was thinking we could open the net wider at some point and meet say in London or somewhere else? Gransnet can help support us all in our time of need, but can also make us start socialising again with new friends and new interests???? xx

Lindylooby, I've just read the post which you made this morning. It was heart-warming and made me think yet again about how precious our lives with our partners/husbands are. Stay with us. xx

Sorry late on this as been away! Just to say so pleased funeral went so well if that does not sound tactless!

Thinking of you Lindy and pleased sounds like you have lovely family to help you through

Glad your day went well, that is one of the biggest hurdles & you have come through it.
We had a Celebrant doing my husband's funeral, none us are religious so thought this was the right way & so glad we did it that way, his coffin was a cardboard one with a picture of a field with a red tractor & a driver, also a sheepdog, he loved his tractors, the mustic played was by Abba & Roy Orbison, again his favourites, so many people came & I didn't know a lot of them as they had been work colleagues of his, they all introduced themselves & said how wonderful & apt the coffin was & how nice it was to look at during the service.
You will of course come across quite a few hurdles, but try to be strong, it does get better as time goes on even though at the moment you might not think so, I didn't, we will never forget them or stop loving them, but it is a tribute to them if we make the best of the rest of our lives

Lindy how positive. Funny isn't it, that feeling of 'oh they would have really enjoyed this' at a loved one's funeral. Do give yourself time - you've done so much and held it together.

Lindy

I am glad your day had some really memorable moments Lindy It was lovely that so many attended . Be kind to yourself now and I hope you will find some comfort with your friends on Gransnet. Let's have a and a .

Lindy xx

Sorry I have not been on here for a few days. Mike's funeral on Friday was a great celebration of his life. There were about 100 people at the crematorium, The Humanist service was beautiful and lots of attendees said how personal and special it was, and they learnt things they didn't know about Mike before.
The day was traumatic in as much as it was so final, but the children and I all said that Mike would have enjoyed it! Our 19year old granddaughter summed it up by saying' the celebration after the funeral was lovely with everyone reminiscing about granddad - but I expected to turn round and see him in the middle of all the laughter and chatter with a pint of bitter in his hand!'
Each day is still a struggle but I know that with time the pain will diminish slightly. I will never stop missing him, or loving him, but I/we will learn to go on with life without him.
Our 3 year old grandson believes Mike is the man in the moon and each night we all go and say goodnight to him and tell him we love him! I talk to his photograph all the time and feel closer to him.
Thank you for all of your support over the last few weeks, and your good wishes. May I take this opportunity of wishing you all the very best in the future, if you are on the path of grief as me, I hope that time will help, if you are lucky enough to be with your partner still, remember to have patience and tell them you love them often.
Lindylooby xx

Life changes completely when you loose a husband/partner, no-one can describe the feeling, yes it does get better as time goes on, but it's always there at the back of your mind, you are alone, he/she is never coming back, I am lucky I suppose there is nothing that I hadn't said or regretted not saying to my husband even though he went so suddenly, yes we all deal with it in our own way & our own time

I too am sorry you are going through this awful time. I haven't been throughout this myself, thank heaven, but I have three close friends who have. They are all going through it in their own ways, and as someone has said, as time goes on it doesn't fade away but they learn how to manage the grief and carry on with their lives. for you brave ladies.

Lindylooby.

Hope all went ok Lindy, I found I couldn't start to try to build a life on my own until the funeral was over, I had to wait 9 days because it was Christmas & there was a backlog, Take care

Very best wshes for today, Lindy. I hope you have a few happy moments as your family and friends reminisce about the memories they share.

(((hugs))) from me too

Lindy Best wishes for today ((hugs))

Thinking of you today lindylobby

Lindylooby My thoughts are with you today. I hope the funeral brings a little peace to you and some small comfort. to you and a hug.