Going it alone

NO u3a? They are often daytime only.

Good luck to everyone who is trying to make new connections after a bereavement. It is not easy, but there are lots of kind people out there. Our local U3A has lots of daytime activities and once you have a foot in the door and have met people, they may be able to help with lifts to evening activities.

Finding a counsellor is not easy Galen but do persevere - just having decided to find one is a big positive step forward. I am sorry that the Cruse counselling is so slow.

Have you seen this new phone service called Silverline that Esther Ranson is starting - along the lines of Childline, except it is aimed at elderly people who might be feeling lonely. I believe it is being launched today. It will be interesting to see how that develops. I believe that they are planning to enlist volunteers to make several calls a week to those who wish for this - I was hoping to find out a bit about it.

Mind you, when I worked in the SS, a scheme was started to ring elderly people who were particularly vulnerable every day to check how they were - it was abandoned as several people fell over trying to get to the phone before it rang off!!

Our U3A holds only daytime general and group meetings. Inevitably theatre vists are in the evening but we have a coach to take us there and back.

I's Gally not Galen who is looking for a counsellor Mishap.
This is the best place to find a private counsellor http://www.bacp.co.uk but of course they do charge. You can search the site to see if there are any therapists who do bereavement counselling in your area. If anyone wants help translating the jargon do ask and I will give it a go.

Oops - sorry! Slip of the finger!

Thanks Mishap/ Jess. Yes it was me not Galen. Cruse finally got in touchand I had my first session on Friday. Not sure what I expected. I talked and she listened and that was it. It left me feeling very emotionally stirred up so probably won't have another session if that is the result. Maybe burying all the emotions is the way to go, not revisit them

Gally

I use cruise rather than cruse.

Counselling can be very helpful, productive and supportive, but is does of course involve going over painful memories/problems. A good counsellor will address this directly and make sure that the individual is not overburdened during a session and goes away with some strength to face their problems. It is right for some and not for others, and can be a slow process.

I sought counselling several years ago when life was difficult and had the same feeling - that my style is not to labour the problems, but to try and move on.

In my job as a social worker - mainly with people and families facing sudden-onset disability and illness - I did always try to send people out of the room with something constructive/active to do in the short-term that they could bring back to discuss.(e.g. write something down about how they felt/seek a rapprochement with someone/get in touch with an appropriate organisation/ go for a walk each day/keep a record of something relevant - all sorts of different things as appropriate) Many counsellors would frown on that approach as being too simplistic, but it did often seem to bear fruit. It is very difficult for people to bare their souls and then the session comes to an end and they feel left adrift in a sea of emotion with nothing to do with it.

It sounds as though Cruse see themselves as a listening ear for sharing problems - some people find that very helpful, others do not.

Thinking of you Gally (got it right this time!), admiring your courage, and hoping so much that things will ease for you over time.

Perhaps getting all stirred up is part of this counsellor's programme. Bringing it all out and examining it is painful, but can be therapeutic in the long run - like physiotherapy, which exercises muscles you would rather leave in peace, but gets the pain worked out of them.

Go back for another session, but ask her for practical exercises to try this time. I agree with mishap that some people respond more to the talking cure, and some to other methods.

I have found counselling helpful in the past - after my first marriage broke up - dealing with some of the aftercrap.
In more recent years I went a few times to a wonderful hypnotherapist (not one of those hypnotists that claims to cure you of smoking in an hour). He helped me to deal with a variety of major stresses and move forward in a more relaxed and positive way. Some types of therapy focus on understanding the past (Freudian analysis being the most extreme, prolonged expensive version) and some forms are about changing how you feel and behave in the immediate future (CBT, brief therapies, NLP methods and hypnotherapy to name a few).
Of course some experienced practitioners have lots of tools in their bag of tricks. Good luck gally .

I don't have much upper body strength either, arthritis in my shoulders, LOL what a hopeless case

Not into it myself. Good friends like all of you on GN do me fine!

No counselling for me either. I deal with bad situations alone. But everyone must find what works best for them.

Just an aside, Jess - I love 'aftercrap'!

to all of you dealing with the loss of a loved one.

I have decided after 7 months of widowhood and several letters from the hospice offering me bereavement counselling to give it a go.
I had some counselling about 10 years ago and I think it did help.....if only to make me believe in myself and not to take on everyone else's problems!
this past week has been one of the worst for me, it would have been our anniversary, Son's birthday, Christmas coming, long dark nights etc etc. There is a waiting list at the hospice for counselling and I should start sometime in January. I want something positive to come out of Mike's death and feel that I want to give something back to the hospice once I am stronger...I am lucky in as much have a wonderful family and friends who all got together to help me through the minefield of paperwork following Mike's death....something that I would normally have dealt with without a second thought. I want to see if I can offer help to people who haven't got such a good network to get through the mountain of paperwork, or just have a chat to, listen to people each deals with grief differently, but I want to try and help people with an insight into knowing how desolate they feel.
my love and thoughts with everyone on this long lonely road x

Kind thoughts and hugs, Lindy

spindrift Have you noticed the references to Silverline on another thread?. See the thread "Silverline" on the "Chat" topic.

I think this is an organisation which could be interesting to you on two levels

One is that they provide contact and a regular phone call to people on their own who have problems getting out of the house, second because they are looking for volunteer phoners, to regularly phone others. That is a form of voluntary work which is accessible to someone with a telephone and the ability to empathise with others. No need to stand all day in a charity shop or use upper body strength.

Doing something for someone else is the best way there is of filling an empty space in your life, and it leads to contact with others and a link to what is going on around you. It could lift you out of the place you are in danger of sticking in at the moment.

Lindy - what admirable ideas you have. I do hope that the counselling helps and that you find the right cause to channel your energies and wishes.

Thanks Elegran I will try to find that

I have just been onto the site, not really what I was looking for, I get plenty of phone calls from different parts of the country from on line friends, it's face to face contact I am really looking for people my own age. I do have a daughter living close by but she is very busy running her own business she popps in when she can but it's not the same as having a friend my own age to have a coffee & chat with etc.
Thanks for pointing me that way though

bumped for Spindrift

I had to share this with you, yesterday I bought a new puppy, I already have a 13 year old Border Terrier, that is getting really deaf & sight not too good, I debated for weeks about getting a puppy, but it's the best thing I could have done, the puppy is a Shoodle, a Shi-Tzu X poodle, both my old dog & the new pup are males, I was still unsure when I brought it home, but it looks like I really did the right thing, they bonded straight away, came home at around 3pm, by evening they were lying on the floor cuddled up together asleep, It also makes me go outside in the garden a lot more for the necessary toilet training, they run around outside together, Toby has made a big difference to both Skipper (my old dog) & myself

That's brilliant Spindrift . Friends of mine have two similar crosses and they refer to them as shitpoos. They are lovely dogs so I do wish you all many happy times together

Sounds good! I'm sure you will have lots of fun watching them play together.....good luck