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On middle age

(90 Posts)
CariGransnet (GNHQ) Thu 06-Jun-13 09:28:39

After Marcus Berkmann hit his 40s he found that while the physical changes were fairly minimal, he suddenly discovered he was spending rather a lot of time seething in silence.

Take a look at his guest blog post and see whether you recognise any of the signs. We're not saying a word (apart from "yes! That's me!)

j08 Thu 06-Jun-13 09:33:52

I'm not sure how we are expected to understand a man's take on middle age. confused

I've always hated litter.

40th birthday?!!! Does youth really fly out of the window so young? Or is he talking about maturity?

j08 Thu 06-Jun-13 09:34:44

My husband doesn't "seeth in silence". Far from it! hmm

j08 Thu 06-Jun-13 09:38:39

It is a time when men seem to revert to their boys' toys with enthusiasm, and wives tend to feel sidelined. But then, in slightly later life the wives realise how good it is to see the back of them ocassionally, to the golf course, flying field, river bank, etc etc.

petallus Thu 06-Jun-13 09:44:33

It's a shame when people lose the lovely generosity of youth and start seething in silence at other people, thinking of them as 'little bastards' and so on.

Generally speaking, I think the tendency to get more irritable and less tolerant with age goes on increasing so you end up with 'grumpy old men/women'

kittylester Thu 06-Jun-13 10:00:42

Not all older people are grumpy - I'll have you know that I am all sweetness and light - ask anyone! grin

j08 Thu 06-Jun-13 10:43:36

Me too! Def! smile

inthefields Thu 06-Jun-13 10:51:15

I don't think its an increase in grumpiness, more a decrease in tolerance for other peoples bs ! grin

j08 Thu 06-Jun-13 19:28:01

Just read the freebie bit of the book on Amazon. I like this quote used in it:

"Nobody realises that some people spend tremendous energy just to be normal" Albert Camus.

I used to do that.

Ana Thu 06-Jun-13 19:37:01

Me too, especially in my youth....hmm

j08 Thu 06-Jun-13 19:43:56

Yeah. You given up now too? grin

Ana Thu 06-Jun-13 19:49:55

Yes! grin

FlicketyB Thu 06-Jun-13 20:03:46

Some people spend tremendous energy trying to make other people conform to their idea of normality.

Ana Thu 06-Jun-13 20:14:14

Yes - that's true as well.

janerowena Fri 07-Jun-13 16:40:17

I've been seething about litter from a young age. I took my young daughter to an amzing beauty spot, a layby where you could see for miles. the local farmer kindly provided a picnic bench and litterbin - but the area was smothered with rubbish from thoughtless people, even crammed between the planks of the table. So my daughter was fitted up with plastic bags over her hands and taught to pick up other people's litter. She and my son are tutting away in their teens and twenties! I did once lay into some youths in a park who were throwing litter about, my children feared for my life but the boys were so taken aback that they apologised. Maybe more people need to show displeasure.

MaryXYX Mon 10-Jun-13 22:45:10

I spent 30 odd years in a church that expended a considerable amount of energy ensuring the members conformed to their idea of normality. I went along with it, accumulated 12 children and 20 grandchildren and gave a pretty good impression of being "normal". Well, that was normal in that church. Well past the 40 mentioned earlier when I got the Asperger's diagnosis and my whole life started to turn upside down.

No wimping out and growing old respectably. My new life includes a lot more socialising, the odd protest march and celebrations like Oxford Pride. See:
- I'm wearing a flowered red top and a green/blue leaf pattern skirt and carrying my church's banner.

Anyone else feel up to reinventing themselves in their 60s? It's not easy and the cost can be very high. I now have two or possibly four children and two grandchildren, and of course I no longer have a wife.

Sel Mon 10-Jun-13 23:27:44

Hi MaryXYX I haven't seen you on GN before, so a warm welcome if you're new. It sounds as if you've found good support in a new church but it's sad that you appear to have lost 8-10 children in the process of your changes. I hope that isn't permanent.

No, I wouldn't feel like reinventing myself but have every admiration and respect for those who can and do.

flowers to you Mary

Bags Tue 11-Jun-13 06:10:03

I don't think anyone can really re-invent themselves. They might let blossom parts of their personality that had previously been repressed. Fundamentally, I don't think people change except to develop.

MaryXYX Fri 14-Jun-13 23:40:39

OK - I can't really reinvent myself, but the change from what was expressed to what is now expressed was profound.

Ana Sat 15-Jun-13 20:12:29

MaryXYX, I understand what you're saying, but yours is an exceptional case, at least on this forum - in a way I envy the chance you now have to express the inner you! smile

MaryXYX Sun 16-Jun-13 22:46:26

One way I'm exceptional is by being so open about what I am. For example see:
I'm the one in the red floral top and leaf pattern skirt.

Before transition, "he" would never have been involved with anything like that. He was a really dull guy.

Ana Sun 16-Jun-13 22:56:31

Yes - you're obviously very comfortable with who you are now, Mary, and it must be very empowering.

Ella46 Mon 17-Jun-13 08:29:40

Good for you Mary, be happy sunshine

annodomini Mon 17-Jun-13 09:13:20

Lovely happy picture, MaryXYX. Thanks for showing us that.

j08 Mon 17-Jun-13 09:28:33

Maybe you just need a little work on your colour/pattern combinations.

Other than that, whatever works for you should be fine with the rest of the human race. smile