My father is 97 and, while it can be hard for him to admit, he is frail. He had needed medical care following an infection and this latest admission to hospital was a cross roads for me. It was clear that he couldn't cope on his own. He had carers come in a couple of times each day who, while lovely, just didn't have the time to give him the care that he needs.

Dad was steadfast in his desire to stay in his own house and I had previously conceded that it was his decision; he had the right to live wherever he wanted. That changed when this trip to the hospital occurred, I looked at him and just thought there was no way he could go back home on his own. I felt, and the doctor agreed, that he needed round the clock care.

I did the research, without Dad, into the best options that were near to me and my children, who are 24 and 26. I dropped in with no warning to the care homes that I looked at - I didn't want to make an appointment and give warning to my arrival. I wanted to see things as they are.

I felt desperately selfish and guilty that it was my decision. I knew how much Dad wanted to retain his independence but at the same time I just didn’t feel like it was safe for him to stay in his house. I’m an only child and therefore the responsibility fell to me, my partner and my children to make the hour-long drive from Surrey to Lymington to visit each week. It became less of a pleasure and more of a chore to use any time off work that I had, driving all that way and I knew I was becoming snappy when I visited.

I spoke to my children and partner about the options. Even if Dad stayed in his own home, the refurbishment required would be extensive. At the very least we’d need to add a wet room and handrails. He would also need a live-in carer, but even that wouldn’t provide the kind of 24/7 support needed. My partner brought up the possibility of Dad coming to live with us and, although it sounds selfish, this just wasn't going to be practical. We don't have the space where we live and so would have needed to sell his house and ours to buy something with an extension for him. To be honest, I don't think any of us would have been happy with this set up. I work full time and don’t have the time, or the experience to give him the care he needs.

I work as cabin crew and would often worry about Dad having a fall while I was away. Once he did end up in hospital while I was out of the country and there was nothing I could do when I turned on my phone after landing and saw the news. Now, when I'm flying I don’t have the same anxiety. I know he is being cared for and that he is safe.

Of course, I still feel guilt. But, I know I have done the right thing for Dad. He has stopped talking about going home now and when he recently had to go to hospital he looked forward to going back to West Hall. He is just down the road from us these days and one of us visits almost every day to see him.

Moving a parent into a care home is a stressful and upsetting experience for anyone. It’s odd taking up the reins on their life in the same way that they did for you when you were young. It’s very challenging.”

Are you in a similar position with an elderly parent? You may find our guide to paying for care helpful, or you can download a copy of the Grey Matters guide from Anchor, a not-for-profit provider of housing and care for older people. Alternatively, there is advice and support on our forums for a range of issues around this topic.