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Fifty sheds of grey - for adult eyes only

(20 Posts)
gracesmum Wed 21-Nov-12 20:04:15

Fifty Sheds Of Grey......

We tried various positions - round the back, on the side, up against a wall...
but in the end we came to the conclusion the bottom of the garden was the only place for a good shed.

She stood before me, trembling in my shed. "I'm yours for the night," she gasped, "You can do whatever you want with me." So I took her to McDonalds.

She knelt before me on the shed floor and tugged gently at first, then harder until finally it came. I moaned with pleasure. Now for the other boot.

Ever since she read THAT book, I've had to buy all kinds of ropes, chains and shackles. She still manages to get into the shed, though.

"Put on this rubber suit and mask," I instructed, calmly. "Mmmm, kinky!" she purred.
"Yes," I said, "You can't be too careful with all that asbestos in the shed roof."

"I'm a very naughty girl," she said, biting her lip. "I need to be punished." So I invited my mother to stay for the weekend.

"Harder!" she cried, gripping the workbench tightly. "Harder!" "Okay," I said. "What's the gross national product of Nicaragua?"

I lay back exhausted, gazing happily out of the shed window. Despite my concerns about my inexperience, my rhubarb had come up a treat.

"Are you sure you can take the pain?" she demanded, brandishing stilettos.
"I think so," I gulped. "Here we go, then," she said, and showed me the receipt.

"Hurt me!" she begged, raising her skirt as she bent over my workbench. "Very well," I replied. "You've got fat ankles and no dress sense."

"Are you sure you want this?" I asked. "When I'm done, you won't be able to sit down for weeks." She nodded. "Okay," I said, putting the three-piece suite on eBay.

"Punish me!" she cried. "Make me suffer like only a real man can!" "Very well," I replied, leaving the toilet seat up.

"Pleasure and pain can be experienced simultaneously," she said, gently
massaging my back as we listened to her Coldplay CD

Anne58 Wed 21-Nov-12 20:06:26

grin but I have a feeling this has already appeared somewhere...........

Ana Wed 21-Nov-12 20:32:48

A book of that title's on sale in Asda - I thought it was about sheds so I didn't bother looking...hmm

jeni Wed 21-Nov-12 20:47:05

gracesmum where on earth did you find that? It's hilarious!grin

gracesmum Wed 21-Nov-12 21:07:53


Sook Wed 21-Nov-12 21:32:50

Excellent grin

MaggieP Wed 21-Nov-12 21:45:05

Very clever gracesmum, really made me laugh, more please grin

Deedaa Wed 21-Nov-12 22:05:36

Have avoided reading the book but I'm sure this is so much better grin

Ana Wed 21-Nov-12 22:17:40

Oh - it is 50 Sheds of Grey! grin Might buy it now...

Anne58 Wed 21-Nov-12 23:34:19

I still feel that I have read something about that here before, please can someone confirm?

petallus Thu 22-Nov-12 04:31:05

We had a jokey thread previously but not this one which focuses on sheds rather than an elderly version of 50.

vampirequeen Thu 22-Nov-12 05:34:03

I love this smile

janthea Thu 22-Nov-12 13:07:14

I loved the book (Sheds, not Shades I hasten to add. I got bored with Shades) I've bought it for my SIL as he is in the process of erecting a 'man cave' in the garden - for an office!! grin

gracesmum Thu 22-Nov-12 13:14:41

The funny thing is that now my email home page keeps offering me ads for sheds! grin

janthea Thu 22-Nov-12 13:22:56

gracesmum At least it's only sheds you were being offered, and not handcuffs and whips!!! grin

Frankel Thu 22-Nov-12 14:03:49

Remember Victoria Wood's Barry and Freda?

rosiemus Thu 22-Nov-12 17:19:12

Those adverts do make me laugh. I suppose it's food for thought for Christmas shopping. do you wrap a shed? At least the handcuffs would fit in a giftbag

isthisallthereis Thu 22-Nov-12 19:08:20

Apparently a man now has a 'sheddio' according to John Humphries on Radio 4. That's part shed and part studio.

There's been a dispute in Yorkshire, I think, where a man has been told to demolish his "shed" which has bedrooms and even a shower room. A planning officer says it's not a shed, it's dwelling and he doesn't have Planning Permission.

The Radio 4 presenters reckoned a shower-room was definitely a step too far for shed status!

Clearly sex in a shed doesn't require Planning Permission for most GNs!

Ana Thu 22-Nov-12 19:09:38

No, but it may require a bit of forward planning...hmm

Ella46 Thu 22-Nov-12 19:21:41

Might have to move some tools! shock