Carers are wonderful people

I'm a grandmother [63] with custody of my grandson since he was 2. He will be 12 next month.
I also home educate him.
Hard work but great fun.

I dont want to be told Im wonderful. I want enough money to pay the bills ,enough money to keep us warm in the winter.
I want the schools to properly assess needs. I want to know those I care about are safe.
I want always to be able to pay the unexpected vets bill for the much loved animals which provide those we care about with comfort and id like sunny days in the garden

Hello all
Wow, smiley my love and thoughts go to you and you darling hubby
big hugs to you both. Try and find some time for yourself, it is allowed!
Your admiration for the man you love is wonderful, the courage he is showing and the courage that aspire to are the same. I cant pretend to know how you feel, but I if you need to offload, I'm here for you.
Also catkins, big healing hugs to you, its early days, keep the photos out and talk about him when you need to.

Also lots of love and hugs to eveyone out there who is having a tough time.
We grans have the knowledge and the ability to listen, off load whenever you want.
Extra special love and hugs to you all
xxxxxx

I also care for my husband.He was diagnosed with cancer 2 years ago,although he has multiple other health issues.I am ashamed to say, I lose my patience on occasion,then I feel bad. It can be so wearing on a body.The one person you want to talk about things to is just not able to interact,does anyone know what I mean? This is my 1st post on gransnet,hope I haven't put you all "off" me!

nan2five, hi there! Chat away! A constant stressful situation is very wearing and it's bound to affect you. I'm sure some of the grans on here will empathise with your situation.

Monday already! Had a better weekend than of late.Everything seems to "kick off" at the weekend usually.Maybe 'cos it was Fathers Day it was better.Thank goodness Iv'e now got someone I can "talk" to.How are you all? It was inspiring to read your comments.Off for my first cuppa of the day,I do like a nice cup of tea!

Yes carers are indeed wonderful people as are volunteers.
In Northumberland carers and volunteers have been invited by the Duchess of Northumberland to Alnwick Castle for a reception to thank them for doing a great job. It is expected that the Queen and Duke of Edinburgh will also be there. This event is by invitation only.

Hi everyone,
Good to see some new carers have joined us,it can help to chat to others about your problems and makes you feel you are not alone bearing all the resposibilities.
I know exactly what you mean nan2five when you are unable to talk about things or interact with your partner and I used to lose patience with my husband at times,I never meant to but I guess the stress does get to us occasionally.
Enjoy your cups of strong tea,it is supposed to help soothe the nerves,definately what we all need.

I have just given up work as a carer to look after my 3 grandkids who are now living with me they are 2,4&5 we have just started getting them new schools to go to in september I am 65 and my husband is 64 so it has been a bit of a shock but could not let them go in to care, if there are any others who are looking after their grandkids I would love to hear from you with any ideal,s.

Hi grumpy old woman, I am newcomer to gransnet. I am 82 and carer to my 81year old husband who is arthritic and has alzheimers. We work well together, but sometimes I feel stressed when he continually asks the same questions. He knows he is ill which means he gets very upset when a programme about alz. comes on television, so of course I switch it off. I try the deep breathing exercises etc. but this doesn'talways work. Any ideas?

Hello everyone,

So many of your stories rang a bell with me. I work for http://www.carers.org which is a great online community of family carers, many of whom share the same challenges, worries and experiences that you do.
There is a chatroom, discussion boards, blogs and regular events / online parties to which you'd all be very welcome!

Best wishes

helenb; just keep talking on this forum whenever you need to.

Hi I am a full time carer for my husband who is bed bound with bed sores at the moment. I am 62 and he is 63. I find it hard the worst being the loneliness. I have nurses coming in daily and carers to turn and tend my husband 4 times daily which is very tedious. Our home is not our home. My husband is not coping with the situation as he was a very active man running 3 businesses,water and snow skiing plus we travelled quite a lot. He now can do nothing as one arm is paralysed and the other can only move a bit. I have to feed him and tend to his every need. He cannot walk and has difficulty talking. He has an unnamed generative disease. I am feeling very cross that this has happened to us and we are to have no retirement together. I will need respite soon and am feeling guilty about him going into respite for a week even. Cannot find anywhere above 2 star - very worrying. Any ideas. Everything is a challenge no one helps you decide in case they are accused of "favourites". It is a constant fight to get the best for my husband us carers are the forgotten few no matter if we are young or old. I would like to attend a local carers club but have no one to sit with my hubby so can't go! Ironic isn t it we need the time out but can't leave our relatives!

I can't imagine what it must be like to be a full time carer. I admire you all and wish you every good wish going. Unfortunately 'wishing' is not enough and the government needs a royal kick-up the backside to acknowledge just how much they need to support those in need , not only with financial support, but with valued respite care.

It is a hidden, but growing issue, and a wake-up call is sorely needed. Attendance allowances stopped when state pensions kick-in is a shame.

I have a grandson with special needs, and this issue is close to my heart. Unfortunately I am unable to help because he lives in America. America gets a bad press generally, but in this case, they are streets ahead of England.

Huge sympathy to all those caring for a sick spouse. My OH has Parkinsons and is at a stage where I do not yet have to describe myself as his carer, although his ability to enjoy life is greatly limited. I know that there are more challenges around the corner and we have to try and live for the day.

I do empathise with the concept of no longer having someone there to talk things over with, as I find myself just trying to protect him - it is no longer an equal partnership and I understand that this is a loss.

Dilley - I do understand about the guilt of looking for respite care - I feel guilty just going out and leaving OH on his own as I know he would rather I was there. But in the end we have to take care of ourselves as well, and we are no good to our partners if we "go under."

I think someone has already suggested the Carers' Association - maybe they can provide some support. I used to work as a social worker and we always made sure there was care available so that carers could attend support groups. Have you had a carer's assessment by Social Services? - you are legally entitled to this - it is your chance to have your needs taken into account and help provided for you - that's the theory anyway. The assessmjent is a legal document and the SSD have to address all the things on it.

Dilley and hugs - and Mishap too

I have read this thread with great sadness and sympathy - and I feel humble
in the face of so much devotion and hard work. I have always felt guilty because caring for our mother when she developed dementia at 87 fell almost wholly on the shoulders of my sister. I was working full time in London and helping my daughter financially, so I could not afford to give up work. My sister lived close to my mother and had never worked outside the home. My mother lived with our brother, and he was nominally her carer, but he was himself an alcoholic with severe diabetes and high blood pressure. He had had both legs amputated at the knee. He and my sister had never got on well together, but I was close to both of them.
I went up to Manchester as often as I could, but at the time one of my daughters was going through a very rough period of her life - she was addicted to amphetemines and I had to go to Kent most weekends and clean the house and stock up with food - she had four children and her husband was working abroad. Her eldest boy has Aspergers and just withdrew into himself, and the girl of ten was changing nappies and making bottles for the one year old. I felt guilty whatever I did.
All I could do for my sister was to take her for a few days holiday in The Lakes whenever we could get some respite care for my mother. When my mother died, it was a great relief - she was 91 and although there was nothing wrong with her organically, she just 'turned her face to the wall' and refused nourishment. The hospital wanted to feed her intravenously, but my brother and sister could not see the point, as her life was a misery to her. She did not recognise them and lived in a constant state of anxiety.
Since her death,I have been able to take my sister on some really good holidays all over Europe - our brother died soon after our mother.
She always says she understands completely why I was unable to be more help, but that does not make me feel any less guilty.