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Hospices - what can we expect when our loved ones are able to stay or visit?

(70 Posts)
whenim64 Wed 20-Jun-12 16:01:25

My sister went to spend a few hours at her local hospice this week, with a view to going regularly, as her illness progresses. It has a great reputation. It was sold to her by the hospice worker as a place to go and do a variety of therapies and activities, and where she could become familiar with the surroundings as she wants to go in the hospice if she is too ill to be nursed at home.

She came home very disappointed. She is only 62, but she said that there was little on offer, shortage of staff, and they said she could join in 'doing quizzes.' She can do that at home with her family, and we have lots of other things that we think up to keep her interested and active.

I asked if I could visit and sit with her for an hour or so when she goes, but it seems that's not allowed (eh?) I asked about the set-up and it seems carers have to drop off the patients at the front door and they don't go in. I imagine it's different when they're staying as an in-patient.

She has enough energy and spirit for her (and me) to see the lack of user-friendliness in this, and we joked about changing the regime, as this isn't our idea of offering some support to cancer patients, unless they are in bed, in which case why not stay in your own comfy bed? Perhaps the visit is just respite for the carer? Her husband certainly needs a break, which we try to help with, but not at the expense of her spending a day bored out of her head. She's going to give it another try next week, in case she caught them on an off day grin

jeni Thu 30-Aug-12 14:17:42

when only just seen!flowers deepest sympathy

nannym Thu 30-Aug-12 13:39:44

Deepest sympathy. Thinking of you flowers

whenim64 Thu 30-Aug-12 11:19:49

You really are lovely people. I can look on here when I need some comfort in the next few days and weeks. Thank you flowers

Grannylin Thu 30-Aug-12 11:01:55

A sad but very touching post, when.Thank youflowers

Anagram Thu 30-Aug-12 10:47:14

flowers from me, too, when. How lovely to have had such a close bond with your sister and that you were able to be there for her right to the end.

CariGransnet (GNHQ) Thu 30-Aug-12 10:38:23

when sending our love and condolences from all at GNHQ xx

Butternut Thu 30-Aug-12 10:33:04

when flowers. I hope you have some rays of sun tomorrow as well. x

kittylester Thu 30-Aug-12 09:46:06

((((Hugs)))) when flowers

nightowl Thu 30-Aug-12 09:45:04

I noticed you had been quiet recently when and wondered if it was related to your sister. I'm so sorry that she has died, but so glad that you had the time together knowing that she was comfortable and looked after. Thinking of you and your family at this time x

JO4 Thu 30-Aug-12 09:30:08

Oh when. flowers

annodomini Thu 30-Aug-12 09:26:10

when. flowers ((((hugs))))

whenim64 Thu 30-Aug-12 09:22:08

I haven't posted about my lovely sister for some time, and have been spending lots of family time with her at the hospice, where she died peacefully last week, with my BIL at her side. The funeral is tomorrow. I woke up this morning, thinking today is the day to share my sad news, probably because the sun is shining here, I have prepared for tomorrow, and I have got out of bed without feeling that renewed sense of devastation each time it hits me. My sister endured some terrible times in the last year, and some uplifting times. We said all we wanted to say to each other, and now she's left me with beautiful memories. smile

Butternut Wed 01-Aug-12 14:34:32

I am SO pleased, when. x

whenim64 Wed 01-Aug-12 14:23:31

Ella it's 20 minutes away from me and only 5 minutes from my daughter, who is her god-daughter. She's just been to visit with family photos of my litte twin grandsons trying on their new school uniform for starting school next month. It's so nice to do 'normal' in a safe, homely setting smile

Ella46 Wed 01-Aug-12 13:53:18

when, that sounds really nice and friendly. You can all relax a little if you know your sister is comfortable and settled. sunshine
Is it in an area close to you?

Anagram Wed 01-Aug-12 13:17:39

I agree that it does sound like a really good place, when - just like a hospice should be. What a relief for all of you to know it's there when you need it. smile

nightowl Wed 01-Aug-12 13:15:07

So glad you are happy with the care your sister is receiving when. I do hope this will help all of you to get your breath back and give your sister the strength she needs to 'ride the storm'. It must be such a relief to all of you now you know exactly what is on offer - it sounds very warm and therapeutic flowers for all of you

whenim64 Wed 01-Aug-12 12:49:58

I visited my sister in the hospice yesterday and the restrictions for day visitors as opposed to in-patients have started to make sense. The hospice is tiny - only 5 beds, with a small suite for day visits/respite which is separated from the rest of the hospice where the amenities are. Day visitors can have reflexology, see the doctor, relax in a tiny lounge, and there are visits from a local artist. Hence, no room for family to visit for the five or six hours she is there for a respite day. Because it's so small, there is a fund-raising campaign to build a larger hospice nearby.

The hospice is lovely - very welcoming and each room is set around a pretty courtyard garden which is lit up at night. My sister is very comfortable there and visiting is free. There is a room for any relatives who need to stay the night, and light refreshments on hand in case family can't get out to find a meal.

She is staying till next Monday, and will be able to go back for a few days and the odd respite day, depending on how she is. Such a relief to see her comfortable in a homely setting, with nurses on hand at all times, and my BIL looking relaxed and not on high alert smile

Butternut Fri 27-Jul-12 07:58:35

Oh when, I had such hopes for her recently as you know, but am pleased you feel she is at last a little comfortable after this latest crisis.
Glad you're feeling brighter this morning, too. BIG hug. smile x

whenim64 Fri 27-Jul-12 07:30:44

Thanks, everyone - you have really cheered me up this morning. My sister has gone 24 hours without nurses going into panic stations and it's such a relief to wake up knowing she's comfortable in a room where they have her closely monitored, after a week of emergency ambulance dashes and family rushing back to her bedside. We still have so much hope that she can ride this latest storm. smile

Libradi Fri 27-Jul-12 07:17:14

Sending you hugs when flowers

JessM Fri 27-Jul-12 07:05:24

Ah and another one here who would like to give you a hug.
Sorry to hear she is so ill and hope they are getting the pain relief as good as possible.
Hospices are individual charities - part of the hospice movement - which i have always found strange - that they have to raise their own funds - so I guess they are going to vary.
My son's friend died in the one in Wellington NZ and he was there a lot. He said they were as near darn perfect in how they dealt with Miles and his family, as he could possibly imagine.

Bags Fri 27-Jul-12 06:26:04

Love from me too, when xx

Sewsilver Thu 26-Jul-12 23:56:25

Whenflowers

glammanana Thu 26-Jul-12 23:06:51

when ((hugs)) winging their way down the M56 flowers