I'm a carer....and I'm totally frazzled!

I didn’t want to just read and run, but i think you need to get in touch with Social Services urgently and get them involved in rehousing your relatives.

At the moment aren’t all evictions stopped due to Covid? Maybe check with CAB to find out what rights they have in their Rental, with eviction notices etc.

Maybe the Local Housing Association can also get involved in rehousing.?

As to your Father, I think that he is unlikely to change now and it will be difficult to care for your Aunt and not him too. Time again for Social Service to maybe get carers involved.
Hope it all works out for you.

This sounds like a horrible situation - I’m not surprised that you feel shattered. Do you have anyone supporting you? On a practical level, do you know that you’re entitled to have a Carer’s Assessment through your Social Services department? This could be useful as it may signpost you to other support you can access like carer’s support groups or even financial support. Also, Age Concern might be able to give you some advice on how to get your relatives some support so that it doesn’t all fall on you. On a more personal level, do you feel able to say to your father when he’s being obnoxious, that you will walk away for a few minutes and come back when he stops being so rude? You’re allowed to set some boundaries although I appreciate how difficult it can be with relatives. I’m so sorry that you’re having such a hard time and it sounds like you’re at breaking point, which is no wonder.

are you in uk.
if so have you had social services involvement.
could you approach local authority for social housing for your aunt.
do they have to live together.
i think you should tell social services that you cannot support him, you are committed to helping your aunt and he will have to be assessed for care needs etc separately.
please c
contact your local carers centre, sometime called princess royal centre.
you do not have to do anything for him.
by the way, why bother with ironing, that's just extra work.
all the best.

^^what they have said
you are amazing but ask for help now x

NannieAnnie64 I'm so sorry for the position you find yourself in. You deserve so much better.
It's definitely time to get the professionals involved: adult social worker and home care.
If you weren't there how would your aunt and dad cope? Far better to put help in place now before the situation becomes a crisis.
Best wishes x

Thank you all. You're right. I need to get outside agencies involved. Many thanks for your replies x

Another who didn't want to read and run. Today you must contact your local authority and tell them they must help. Don't ask ;tell them. You have reached the end of your tether, and you really can't go on like this. As for your father, I think the time has come for you to tell him that with those manners you are doing nothing for him. Please,please get help now.
I wish you all the best;you deserve better.

Like others I couldnt ignore your post. I'm glad you are contacting social services. I used to work for social services and was also a carer for my parents. I had a good relationship with them both but it was often exhausting. Be prepared to be firm. My father died early 2016 and services were stretched then,goodness knows what they are like now!
Good luck and stand your ground?

You are an absolute angel ? to be putting up with this, but even angels fall, you sound like you’ve had enough and who could blame you.
Get all the help you can, it’s hard to find sometimes but it is there. You’ll need a social worker first off. There’s financial help too, which is not always means tested.
The very best of luck. Please look after yourself

Is your aunt, and possibly your father too, getting
Attendance Allowance? I have found that people often don't know about it. It is not means tested. The form needs to be filled in with all details of care needed.

your aunt is a vulnerable person, who has to find new accommodation, although i think actual evictions are on hold.
so i think you should ask for help finding her supported or sheltered housing.
your father can find his own place or approach the council.
i think you and your aunt would be much better off away from your father.

Agree with all the above. I had to say as well.
Carers allowance, plus your Aunt is a vulnerable person, you must ask for help. You really can't do it all,the carer suffers in the end.
You are amazing trying to do all this. Your Dad needs his "horoscope read" and tell him straight.
I wish you the best of luck, take care.

apart from anything else, your aunt should not be subjected to being smoked over.
that could be seen as a form of abuse.
she is a vulnerable person, and has no choice in the matter.
she really ought to be living somewhere else.
and don't have him in your car.
send for a taxi and make sure he pays for it.
you are under no obligation to be downtrodden by him or anyone else.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=eM8Ss28zjcE

This is too much for any one to manage. You do have a responsibility to yourself too, your needs and wishes are just as important as anyone elses. Contact GP for a needs a assessment by Social Services as a start. Pull back from being at your father's beck and call. Maybe your Aunt could go into care and basically your father could fend for himself? It's the line that I would be pursuing in your situation.

Ok, just for 10 minutes imagine you have sprained your ankle. You can’t drive, walking is problematic, moving is painful. What then. What would happen to these 2 people. Seems like dad and auntie are a package as far as you are concerned. What would you need to do to have this duo taken care of whilst you are out of action for say 4 weeks. When you know what would need to be done - do it. Don’t wait till you fall off the edge

I really feel for you and hope you’ve managed to sort something. Have you come across this website, there’s some good information on here - www.legalandgeneral.com/retirement/care

i had the same problem with my grandfather after my gran died, i could only take so much of his drinking and having things thrown at me, he was blind so i had to do everything, i exploded one day and went to social services and they organised home helps.
does your father and aunt have the funding to afford a cleaner and maybe a gardner, shopping can be done at your house online and delivered at a time you are at there house, can you buy ready meals from one of the online companies like wiltshire farm, even just for a few meals to save on cooking, home helps can come in and make breakfast. please find out what help you can get, you need to look after yourself, if you get ill what will they do then? how mobile is your dad, he can get a taxi or hospital transport for appointments. please make an appointment with social services to find out what help you can get. sending you hugs and hope things get better soon.