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Is this unreasonable honest opinions please?

(9 Posts)
Parcellady Sat 12-Jun-21 18:53:57

Parcellady Sat 12-Jun-21 18:38:50
I brought a run down property for £700000 in 2014 with a run down barn, my Mum passed away in 2015 leaving my elderly father 80 in a 3 bedroom house alone!
My mum suggested to him before she passed away that he should sell their house and move over to our house and live in a caravan splitting the property money between me and my 4 siblings if she passed away!
He said he wanted to do this after a very lonely year without my mum so I paid for a static caravan for him to move into with his little dog and we agreed to convert the barn into an annex for him!
The agreement was that he would put £50000 into the conversion and we would put the rest of the money into the building creating 2 small bungalows one for him to live in and one for us to rent out!
The conversion took a year so he lived in the caravan bill free for that 1st year his dog pissed on everything in the caravan so we had to rip out all the carpets etc when he moved out so that cost us another chunk of money!
My question is this? We agreed he would live in the building rent free should that also include bill free?
He doesn’t pay anything towards the council tax bill which is £2800 a year he does pay his own electricity as he has a separate supply into his bungalow!
He was getting the tv license free because he is over 75 but he refuses to pay that now as it isn’t free anymore so now we have to pay it.
We pay all the insurance bills/water bills and the cost of the sewage removal and all the costs involved in maintaining and updating our house and garden!
We live on a private lane we also pay all the costs for filling in pot holes etc in our lane he doesn’t pay towards anything!
The list of things we pay for is endless...
7 years in and every penny we get has been put into our home whilst my Dad gets more money a week than we get between us as my husband also does not work due to health issues!
My health has started to deteriorate massively this last year and I am now struggling to work the same amount of hours to support my husband/house and 2 teenage children so it seems unfair that my Dad gets more money than us as a family but spends his money down the betting shop whilst we are struggling to keep our heads above water with everything!
Also he didn’t put in the agreed £50,000 he put in £40,000 and he didn’t share the proceeds of his house out he gave my 4 siblings £10,000 each..
We didn’t agree the money he put into our house was my inheritance but he has since decided that it is and he has also decided that any remaining money in his account will be left to my siblings cutting me out of his will because he said we have a property worth more money than there homes!
Even though they all have better pensions than us!
My question is am I being fair expecting him to contribute towards bills? I asked him for £20 a week but he decided he isn’t paying that and is going to pay £25 a month also his dog has started pissing on walls and doors in the bungalow now so I am annoyed as he won’t pay to mend or replace anything he just denies that his dog has done it!
Help! this is stressing me and my husband right out and now I feel like giving him back his money and telling him to move out but I don’t want to be unreasonable!
What do people here think about my situation?

B9exchange Sat 12-Jun-21 19:12:25

A very complicated situation, you could probably do worse than get the advice of a lawyer. Of course your Dad should pay his way, and it should be for all the costs of his bungalow, he is taking the mickey! it would have been sensible to get everything in writing first, but at least you can find out where you stand legally.

You can't do anything about his will, that is up to him, he has put £40,000 into the renovations and nothing else, and not leaving you anything further would indeed be unfair, but I don't think you can do much about that, other than call a family conference and put everything on the table to everyone.

If he is gambling away the proceeds from the sale of his house that is really sad, but unless you can get him to seek help, again, not much you can do. I am presuming there is no mental state deterioration going on, in which case you should be seeking a power of attorney quickly, if you could persuade him.

I feel for you, you have bent over backwards to make his life easier, and he has taken advantage.

poshpaws Sat 12-Jun-21 19:26:04

Oh dear. It's not a happy situation to be in, that's for sure.

I'm assuming from what you've said that there was unfortunately nothing of a legal nature done re what he'd pay and what he'd be responsible for with regards to bills and maintenance? Without that, he probably can get away with being as mean and inconsiderate as he sounds to me from your account.

You don't actually sound as though you particularly care for him - and why should you, we don't choose our relatives! - but if that's the case perhaps the long term benefits to you, your husband and your dad would indeed be best served by you giving him back the full amount of money he's given you along with x number of months to vacate the premises.

As he's 80, he'll be a priority for sheltered housing: your local Social Work department/Housing Department of the local Council, or Citizens Advice will be be able to give you as much information as you/he will need.

It certainly seems totally unfair that you should be paying all his bills and a huge amount of council tax and £20 week was totally reasonable, really just a token sum. I can quite understand why you feel stressed: I imagine you also feel very hurt and undervalued. I certainly would; it sounds to me like he's taking the mickey.

My advice would be to contact the above organisations and find out just what his housing situation would be if you told him to leave. Just be aware that although it seems completely fair to me, you may cause a huge rift in family relationships between you/your dad/ your siblings. Only you can decide if it's worth that risk.

Good luck, I do hope you find a way out of such a stressful situation and your own health improves.

Newatthis Sat 12-Jun-21 20:18:08

You've posted this twice.

JanaNana Sat 12-Jun-21 20:40:08

I think this should have all been sorted out legally before any of these arrangements were made. That way you would each of you known what was expected. In fairness I think he should pay his share towards the bills. Can you contact Age UK or Citizens Advice to see what they suggest. It might be that he misses his old home more than he realised and is begrudging because of it. It does sound quite stressful for you and I hope you can find a way to sort this out together.

Eloethan Sun 13-Jun-21 01:00:00

I suppose it depends how much you had to put in towards the cost of the renovation and building work.

From what you say, your elderly father is now approaching 86 and he has been in the property for around 5 years. Presumably the renovations and extra buildings have increased the value of the property (and I assume your dad hasn't made arrangements whereby he is legally entitled to any share of the current value of the house?).

However, I think he should be paying at least the £2,800 p.a. council tax. (That seems an awful lot of money for a small bungalow - is it correct?)

Your property must now be worth well over £1,000,000, taking into account the work done, the two extra bungalows and the increase in property prices, plus you are renting out one of the bungalows.

I can understand your frustration but unfortunately, as people get older sometimes they become less able to take proper care of their homes, pets and furniture.

Had you not entered into this arrangement with your dad, presumably you could now sell your property, buy something smaller and less expensive to maintain, and release some capital. I expect it would be difficult to do that now as it is your dad's home as well. But would he be amenable to moving into sheltered accommodation if he is eligible for it?

It must be annoying that you will be left nothing in the Will but I can understand his reasoning. You have a valuable property and he says your siblings don't.

NotSpaghetti Sun 13-Jun-21 01:14:57

I assume the £2,800 council tax is for the whole site, the big house and the two bungalows.
It doesn't seem unreasonable to me for 3 properties to be honest.
Would it be cheaper to register them as 3 separate dwellings? He would then get a sinhle-person rate.

What exactly is the £20 a week to cover? Presumably you could argue he should be paying 1/6 or less of the sewage and pothole maintenance (depending how many are in the other small property).

He's already paying his own electricity. What is the heating system?

BlueBelle Sun 13-Jun-21 07:02:31

I don’t understand this really, it all seems to have been done so very casually especially with the very large amounts of money you are talking about, that’s the bit I don’t get at all even with small amounts of money, a solicitor should draw it all up, not just be done casually
You used £700, 000 to buy a property into which he put £40,000 He pays his electricity bills but spends the rest in the bookies ? Sounds an awful combination but surely you knew his hobbies and dog etc before mum died It isn’t working is it? you are now really resentful
You twice refer to his dog which you obviously don’t like either ( poor dog when Dad goes)
I don’t see why he would be paying for pot holes in the road or council tax that you d have to pay anyway.
He’s 86 he gave you £40.000 from his house proceeds and each sibling £10.000 so you did get £30.000 more than any of them, so I think you have had your inheritance which went put into your house that you will reap the benefits from when you sell
I can’t believe that all these things happened so casually with very very large amounts of money without some legal paperwork
It needs doing yesterday

nanna8 Sun 13-Jun-21 07:08:12

But he’s your Dad. That changes things in my book. A lot of Dads just move in and pay nothing at all to their family. You are not poor, so why are you stressing?