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Waving Goodbye

(18 Posts)
Oldgreymare Sun 07-Aug-11 14:44:37

Started a new thread as my 2 sons still live in good ol Blighty. Even so waving them off always brings a lump to my throat AND tears to my eyes. I do recall , as they set off for University, that from then on I would only see them for holidays. I felt awful, but wished them well, wanting only the best for them.
Both have set up home near their MILs, at first I was so envious, but those feelings have now passed...... it does take time tho.
No. 2 son and his wife have just been down for a short weekend, we had a lovely time but, for me, those feelings of loss have returned. ( They do each time but I do recover my equilibrium more quickly these days.)
Compared with the experiences of those of you who are waving off sons and daughters who are travelling great distances, and to places of danger, this seems pathetic of me. But I do feel better now I have shared my feelings with you all! xx

glammanana Sun 07-Aug-11 15:04:09

I can close my eyes and see my boy walking away from me + DH at Lime
Street St.Lpool when he was 15yrs 9mths to go off to Winchester and join
the RGJs as a boy soldier,he was the last of the Junior Leaders in the
Regiment and had always wanted to be a soldier,even though throughout the
years he and now his brother have served in war zones and I have stayed
up all night for days on end when they have been in traumatic situations
I will never forget that first time he went away,I consider myself very
lucky as my boys always came back,I have had some of their friends who
never came home and I don't try to understand how their families cope(sorry
to have drifted off the subject)

crimson Sun 07-Aug-11 15:06:51

I recall the run up to when my daughter left for uni; I thought I'd kept it to myself but my neighbour told me afterwards she'd often heard my crying in the garden. Empy nest syndrome is taken quite seriously in Japan, I believe. It's all relative; they're not leaving to go to another continent, but they're still leaving. Still hurts. Those of us that are ambitious for our children [and I don't mean that in a pushy way, more in a 'what's best for them' way] know that we'll always be waving goodbye. But there will be lots of 'hello's' also.

Oldgreymare Sun 07-Aug-11 15:19:13

Thankyou, Glammanana and Crimson.....feeling a little better, think I'll make a cheering cup of tea ( haven't mastered the clever inclusions yet!)
I do feel selfish and indulgent when I think of other Mum's in much worse situations....and acknowledge my hurt is only temporary as I will see them again. Hugs.

crimson Sun 07-Aug-11 15:23:32

It's not selfish; it's because you love them.

susiecb Sun 07-Aug-11 17:14:14

I do empathise when my daughter went to university I kept laying her place at table and bursting into tears in the casserole. I still dont like it when she goes back to her own marital home now although the house is much tidier and I still call the spare bedroom Helen's room although she never lived in this house. I am resting the urge to fill the house with pets though which is what happens to lots of Mums I know.

crimson Sun 07-Aug-11 17:29:10

My daughter used to play the piano, and I so missed hearing the sound.

artygran Sun 07-Aug-11 20:18:11

The first time we left our son at his boarding school, aged 11, was devastating. He cried, I cried, and two miles down the road DH stopped the car and we both cried. It was all we could do to stop ourselves turning around and going back for him. We had little choice as we were going abroad and there was no school for him to go to, but I have never felt such guilt, fear and heartache. As it turned out, he thoroughly enjoyed it as he is a gregarious sort. He went on to have a very good career in the Services. Faced with the same situation with my daughter, we turned down the chance of three years in Hong Kong so that we would not have to do the same thing again. At least when she went to uni, we were all in the same country, but I still missed her dreadfully.

Revis Sun 07-Aug-11 20:29:11

I remember my daughter's first day at school when she stood by the classroom window and said "Wave VERY hard Mummy". I cried all morning!

grannyactivist Sun 07-Aug-11 23:59:43

OK, I confess; I AM AN UNNATURAL MOTHER! blush When my husband and I left our eldest son (fourth child) at university we kissed him goodbye, got into the car, then high fived each other with the comment, "Yes! Four down, one to go!" gringrin

Baggy Mon 08-Aug-11 06:32:35

GA, I'm so glad you said that! i've been reading all the comments and thinking I must be a cold and hard-hearted witch. I have never minded waving goodbye to my kids. I've have loved to see their independence and their competence because I enabled that, at least in part, by the way I brought them up. Even my ex says I'm a good mother and always was.

And when they've gone I'm happy to get back to my usual routine which is full and busy and largely contented. I feel like one of the world's fortunate people.

ElseG Mon 08-Aug-11 07:45:52

grannyactivist and Baggy phew what a relief I thought I was alone in this. I was and am pleased to see my daughters go off on their own lives. How I would feel if they went abroad I am not sure. I think it is easier on the offspring too because if they are away from home they can have rows without parents knowing all about it and taking sides.

Mind you when they go away (at the moment they all live locally but have been to uni or lived away at times, youngest lives just 20 miles away but it could be 100s) I do expect them to text me when they arrive smile !

Baggy Mon 08-Aug-11 08:34:13

Yes, else, we like to know they're safe and happy. smile We also like to know they're getting on with their lives without us! wink

Oldgreymare Mon 08-Aug-11 10:16:05

Don't misunderstand me, I'm thrilled that 'my boys' have had the great experience of going to University, and am so proud of their achievements.
I was especially pleased when No. 2 son said 'Thanks for bringing me up the way you did'.....just feel sad at partings, but seeing them again is a joy! ( Mind you I shed a tear at 'sad bits' in books and films.....must be me!!!)

artygran Mon 08-Aug-11 12:24:34

Grannyactivist, nothing unnatural about that - but I'm fairly certain you wouldn't have 'high-fived' if they'd been six or seven years younger and waving goodbye with tears running down their cheeks. We let ours go at seventeen happy that they were independent enough to want to leave home and pursue their goals but it doesn't stop you missing them when they first go. Bet you did...

grannyactivist Mon 08-Aug-11 12:32:36

True artygran, I do love them honest I do. But, there are 19 years between my oldest and youngest children and I'm ready for them to move on and allow me to develop my own interests, not to mention having some time alone with luscious husband. wink

artygran Mon 08-Aug-11 13:13:44

Sounds good to me!

Baggy Mon 08-Aug-11 13:18:42

OGM, I shed tears easily at sad bits in books and films too, so perhaps I'm not an unfeeling witch, after all. I find primary school xmas shows bring on the tears as well, as much for the funniness as anything, but there is a sad passing sweetness about the little children that wrings my heart.

Hope you're having a nice day. smile