Handholding required please

Here's a shoulder to cry, arms to hug you with and a hand to hold.

If it is any consolation I have always found this time of waiting to be the worst. The not knowing is so difficult. Hopefully, come Monday, you will know one way or the other what you are facing. All you can do is support and love him. Sometimes communication is wordless.
I will away by Monday, but I will be thinking of you

tingalo thinking about you and your DH , yes Monday seems an age away, why is always a Monday..and make us wait all through the weekend....of course today is Friday, Im sure we will all keep an eye on your post take care.

tingaloo i don't think your GP should have been as specific when the tests are still going on - saying he would have about 5 years before it is even diagnosed properly is worrying you unnecessarily. "Could be cancer" is not enough to base a prognosis on.

Has he been referred to a consultant who specialises in lung cancer? a specialist can tell you a) whether it is cancer b) how bad it is and c) his chances of survival to 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, or more years, and finally d) how it can be treated and what measures they can take to improve how he feels, physically and emotionally.

You should not be left stranded and worried. Go to www.macmillan.org.uk/HowWeCanHelp/Nurses/AboutMacmillanNurses.aspx where you can talk to people with years of experience of counsellng people with cancer and their families, and also those who are waiting to hear whether they have it or not.

There are other support sites on the internet, too

One more hand here Tingaloo , my thoughts and prayers are with you both . Stay strong and take care of each other . A big HUG from me to you .

Thank you so much, everyone. Your help and your own stories have brought tears to my eyes, not of sadness, but of fellow feeling, knowing I am not alone. Yesterday and today, I have been very busy at work, so have got through. This evening we are going to DD and DGS while her partner is out, so that will be quite joyful. Then its just Saturday and Sunday to get through. Elegran, I was quite surprised by what the GP said as well. But I am getting this second hand from DH as I was not present. After a lot of persuasion, DH is allowing me to accompany him on appointments from now on. At first he laughed at the idea of me going too, and I had to explain to him that that is what being a couple is all about, facing things together - a touch of Aspergers there, I have always suspected. It is our wedding anniversary on Sunday, not sure how to celebrate, maybe a meal out,just the two of us.

I think it is very important for you to attend appointments with him, Men are quite capable of answering, when asked how they are "Fine!" when you know otherwise, they forget to tell doctors half of what is going on, they don't always listen to (or hear) what they are told and, frankly, if your DH is facing a major illness it involves you just as much and a good Dr will talk to you too. When mine was diagnosed with Lymphoma 3 years ago, the consultant spoke to all of us - DH in hospital bed, me sitting opp Consultant, eldest D next then middle D and youngest and along the bottom of bed were various acolytes/studentsand the specialist Lymphoma nurse. He said "I would like to speak for about 20 minutes and then you can ask any questions you may have" - he maintained eye contact esp with DH and me, but also the girls, he started simply then as he realised we were following what he was saying, it became more technical and by the time he had finished there was very little left to ask. It was an object lesson in good communication and I remember it vividly. Good luck - our outcome has been good and I very much hope yours will be too. Sorry to have gone on at such length!!!

tingaloo I have been with DH on all his appointments since he was diagnosed (and some before when we were waiting for results) and it is incredibly useful to have two people listening - one person can easily miss something. All the medicos were happy with this.

tingaloo its good news on your grandson an experience I had a short while ago
Like DH in Aug 2006 I was diagnosed with lung cancer and given a 10% chance of seeing out 5 years I won't go into the details fully until you know more but I never for one minute thought that I wouldn't get through it.I reckoned their was no reason I couldn't be in that 10%
My better half has always accompanied me on every appointment.
One thing I did find was that men would become embarrassed and change the subject(exept family and close friends)but women were always ready to talk and I never minded discussing it.
I have just had my 5 year Xray and I'm happy to say it was clear and I have been discharged.
All the best for Monday i'll be keeping everything crossed

I would suggest taking a pen and notebook to appointments, it is easy to forget some of the facts when you are under stress. You could also list questions to remember to ask if they are not covered by the doctor's chat.
Thinking of you all for Monday. Take care.

Congratualtions on birth of new GC - my latest was also born 10 days ago - a boy.
My OH has a heart problem and Parkinsons Disease, and he used to find it hard to communcate about it all - I had to guess when he was feeling bad - but things are better now.
I found it best not to try and push the communicaiton - just make his favourite meal maybe - that will be an unspoken comfort.
The waiting is the worst.
Good luck

Shysal, thanks for the suggestion of taking notes. It is exactly the sort of advice I would give someone else in our situation, but hadn't thought of when it's our own situation - if you see what I mean.
Ronald, what an amazing story. I am so glad you are in the clear, and well done for your positive attitude throughout, although I think there can sometimes be a thin line between positive attitude and shutting ones eyes to possible outcomes. I think I am a bit of a natural pessimist, but at least I never get nasty surprises!!
Had a lovely evening with DD and DGS. He is beginning to focus and take an interest in things. All those neuron connections going on!! Congrats on your DGS, Mishap. I am quite overwhelmed by the strength of my feelings for my DD's little one. Very moving to watch DH with him.

Shysal is right. I make a list on my phone of things to ask the doctor. You must be having a fraught weekend, tingaloo. I hope your lovely new GS takes the edge off it for you. Keep in touch - we'll be thinking of you on Monday.

Have a peaceful weekend tingaloo and I hope things go well on Monday. I'll be thinking of you and sending good vibes x

tingaloo I would put my arms around you, if I could. As I cannot, I send my very best wishes xx

I just keep thinking [and hoping] that the GP just put forward a 'worst case scenario' case. Like everyone else I'll think of you on Monday and hope you might have some good news to tell us on Monday.

Here is another hand to add to the others around you. So much good advice here already that all I can add is a or maybe a and best wishes for Monday.

Good luck and best wishes for Monday tingaloo and Happy Anniversary for tomorrow.

Happy anniversary tomorrow. Not everyone hears everything the way it is said by GPs and they are not specialists as others have said. No one gives time scales unless in the vaguest possible terms and 5 years is a very long time in medical terms.Lots of hands being stretched out to you

I have only just read your post Tingaloo and I was first so happy to read the news on your first grandchild - congratulations and then so sad to read about your DH. Offering yet another hand - and sending positive wishes for Monday x

Really hope you are able to spend today celebrating your marriage, Tingaloo, and that this will help you face tomorrow head-on. Sending all good wishes - you have the care and support of so many of us.

Hello tingaloo and Happy Anniversary.
I've only just caught up on this thread so would like to add my thoughts and prayers to others already expressed. The waiting is nearly over, so whatever befalls you'll know soon enough and then either celebrate or prepare for the next stage in your life together. If the news isn't as good as hoped for then you can be assured of lots of support from Gransnetters.

Hello Tingaloo - My hand comes out to you too. I'm sure this is a very long weekend for you. The waiting is so hard. My DH was diagnosed with MS about 18 years ago and I think the waiting to know was the hardest part. Once we had the diagnosis we seemed to get our fight back - we knew what we were up against and started to look for ways to cope.
Your DH is in shock and may well be wanting to protect you from his feelings - stiff upper lip and all that rubbish. If he lets you a comforting cuddle will help you both.
Anyway I hope the news tomorrow is good news and my thoughts are with you all.

Hi Tingaloo. Just want you to know I've been thinking about you and wishing for you that you took today's appointment in your stride x

Yes T I've thought about you several times today - hope you are ok.