Loneliness is more dangerous to our health in retirement than smoking.

Anyone who visits me just to measure the depth of the layer of dust can stay away.

Dust? What dust? grrrranny , you can call on me any time. I'm not sure that I possess a duster at the moment, or if I have, it's at the back of the unspeakable under-sink cupboard where I cannot possibly reach it. Dust fairies, please!

Thank you Annobel - dust fairies needed as are oven cleaning fariies, floor mopping faries and while we are recruiting, a 'yes woodburners are lovely, good for environment, dog likes lying in front of it when wet and very muddy but how dirty' fairy especially when sun tends to shine a bit now and all slovenly habits revealed. Perhaps if I stopped 'playing' on GN and looked for duster which is also lost I could make a bit of a start - or perhaps another day.

I think some people enjoy their own company

We are in sad situation of being estranged from our daughter and grand daughters so we feel is fun to socialise more with friends then do not keep focus on our sad situation!

Some people are happy on their own, but loneliness is a crippling burden on todays society when so many of us do not interact face to face as much does anyone agree? Texts and emails do not take the place of person to person contact.

Hello annandgraham welcome to Gransnet, we have a few Grans in a similar position. There are a few threads running which deal with contact problems.

Heyanne welcome over here! I've bumped into you over on the other site

I agree with you - you can't beat face to face. I'm sorry about your situation with dtr and gdtr - take a look at Denied Contact thread under Relationships - lots of interesting info and support, and you will see you are not alone.

Chat with you later

Well done Gally for tackling the king-size mattress - you deserve a medal! I hope that things are going OK with you.

When my friend had an op and her OH had to look after her, he was very independent, refusing all offers of help. His Waterloo, however, was changing the duvet cover, and my friend caused great hilarity when describing how, after about 15 minutes of struggle, her OH finished up sitting on the floor inside the duvet cover, unable to escape! - and loud expletives were emerging from under the fabric - I wish I had been there!

I am not very good at being on my own - although I do enjoy moments of peace. I write poetry and quiet is a help with this.

I sometimes wonder whether our tendency toward one-age communities for people who are elderly is a good idea. I have always seen great benefits in a generational mix - but it's not for all I guess. I would hate to have no contact with young people or children - when there are concerts/shows at our local village school everyone is invited - I think that is a very good thing.

I think the key to keeping well in old age is to have interests, whether they are ones on your own or with others. My Dad (91) likes nothing better than to watch the TV - and I look on this positively - he is learning new things from documentaries, getting excited by tennis matches etc. Other elderly friends are dashing about pursuing their gregarious interests. Horses for courses really!

But old people do need to have others on tap in some way for help when needed.

I'm really sorry Gally but I misread your revelation that gn has been your lifeline. I thought you meant gin!

jack I think that was me not gally! It wouldn't be gin, it would be vodka

Jack Gin is my lifeline too - preceding the scotch and plonk as the day goes on.........

A girl after my own heart.

Should we worry about units? Apparently the Queen is, officially, a binge drinker (I read this in one of the papers a few weeks ago so it must be true) because she has a gin and Dubonnet before lunch, wine with lunch, dry Martinis before dinner and champagne with dinner.

Lucky old her I say. And doesn't she look well on it?

Just going downstairs to have a small glass of Shiraz. The sun is well over the yard arm ...

Apparently the number of units was just plucked out of the air as there is so much variation in individual tolerance of alcohol. (Same with the 'five a day' campaign - I believe that was the maximum they thought people would accept).
However, I know there is a huge increase in the incidence of women suffering from liver damage by alcohol abuse and it is just as likely to occur in middle-class, middle-aged women as in teenage girls out on the lash in Newcastle. My daughter was Drug and Alcohol officer for a large area before she emigrated and she heard so often 'Oh, we only drink the best wine' as if that made it less likely to be harmful.
I drank a bottle of wine/champagne a day for all the six years I worked in Monaco and I was very relieved when a blood test during a routine health check some years later showed no damage, but I was lucky. Perhaps the fact that I have never smoked helped.
I now have one glass of wine with my dinner each evening,but I dilute it with a little water. I don't drink and drive at all, as I can't risk losing my licence and the permitted level is much lower in France.
I am sorry if I am being 'preachy' but I have witnessed the disintegration of my daughter's life due to drug addiction and alcohol is a very powerful drug indeed. More money is spent by the NHS in treating alcohol-related illness than on every other drug - possibly apart from tobacco.

Same here Greatnan I hate to be smothered had same when children were younger and it put me off a bit.
However since retirement met another couple and although very pleasant woman would sulk if I didnt want to do what she wanted!!!
so I gradually dropped the friendship as I was too busy to deal with sulks and looking after grandchildren etccc she needed somebody with bit more time

Am I the only one to feel lonely in a crowd of people? When I'm with a large group I feel like I'm on the outside looking in, so when I am alone I prefer it. I'm still married and we are both comfortable together and similar in this respect. But after one has died the other will remain alone. We've discussed it. I see no other way. We have one daughter 12 miles away and this is a comforting thought.
I just can't see myself joining a group just to get out and am sure it will not shorten my life.
I have a glass of cognac about three times a week but no other drink. German beer makes me sleepy, and wine gives me a headache.

Expat you have no profile. Where are you an expat from and where now?

Hi There, this is my first time on this Gransnet, and I am nervous????????????

I am Chairlady of the Hollinswood Chit Chat club in Telford there are about 12 /14 ladies between the ages of 70 / 80's who meet every Wednesdy morning. We know about lonelyness, have dicussed it, it can be a a killer. To be lonely is an awful experience especially as you get older and possibly confined to your home. It is easy to say that there are club's, courses etc out there waiting for people to attend, but it a most daunting experience to walk through the door's of these places on your own.. Also if you do not have a car and most elderly people dont, how do you get there , by bus, I hear you say. Now thats a thing, most times it's not one bus but two and then they dont alway's go near where you want to go.
Lonelyness is a terrible thing especilly if if you dont like being on your own, and lot's of people dont, especially at night , no one to talk to, no one to hold your hand, give you a cuddle when you feel a bit off colour, no one to eat a meal with.
Yes I think it's just as dangerous as smoking.

Hi chit chat! Wellcome lots of people who are on their own here!
Feel free to say what you want and join in our rows discussions

Hi Jeni, thanks for the welcome, fortunately I am not on my own, but do know about lonelyness. Will luv to join in the discussion's Just tried to do my profile, made a complete mess of it, that's the trouble when you get to my age oh! dear

Don't worry! I make amess of everything! They still seem to humour me! I'm not sure why?

Your profile looks fine to me chitchat - except the thing that seems to happen with a lot of us: it says you don't have grandchildren when you obviously have! Don't think this is your fault, it happens so often.

U3As run lots of groups all over the country. i know ours runs a similar group to yours chitchat and it is a good one for new members to start on. U3As tend to take things like bus routes into consideration.

Hi Annobel. Yes you are correct, gold star for you I do have one lovely Grandson, coiuldn't make it show up tho.In fact I didn't think my profile had gone thro, oh dear me another senior moment.
JessM. I think the nearest U3a by us is a bit out of the way for me.The Chit Chat club that I belong to consist's of, on a good day 14 Lady member's most except 2, aged 70 / 80's. We had a reporter come and see us with a Photographer from the Shropshire Star. Did a full page write up with photo's about 6weeks ago. onsidering doing autograph's now.

Our U3A had its first AGM today. We've been going and flourishing for just over a year now and now almost anyone I see on the street seems to be a member. I jointly organize a creative writing group and we are getting some good and interesting pieces. Thinking of publishing an anthology.

I have just been looking at some of your profile's and it's made me feel really ancient, is there anybody out there as old as me, sob sob.

There are some older!