Loneliness is more dangerous to our health in retirement than smoking.

Annobel I'm shy too although I'm a great actress so nobody believes me!
So don't worry about later on, as we can always meet somewhere for coffee on our zimmers! xx

Yes it has felt unfair. It has also made me question the nature of that friendship. Problem is it then makes me start to question other friendships and wonder what's wrong with me. Wobbly lip but can't find emoticon for it. Maybe transforming myself to a magic mattress fairy will help

sew your friend should not take it out on you the fact that the Retirement age has increased. Very unfair

Right gally get the kettle on!!! We the magic fairy's are on the way to sort your mattress out

I should add that I will be emigrating to New Zealand in a few years to live in my daughter's garden, so I don't face the problem of living alone if I become too ill/frail to be independent. One of my sister's four sons and his wife have said they would welcome her to live with them if it ever becomes necessary. Thank goodness neither of us will have to be 'cared for' in some of the hospitals and homes that have been shown up recently - and now it seems that even people being visited at home by professional carers are being neglected. By the way, this is not a problem which is limited to the UK - many elderly people die in France in extreme weather conditions because nobody checks that they are all right.

Welcome Ladybird. I have found this a supportive community and am so pleased I joined it. Having reduced my work to very part time two years ago I struggled with loneliness. I still do sometimes, a sense that I have fallen off the edge of my own life. I used to be so busy and happy. The change in pension age makes a difference too. Many of my friends who had planned to retire at 60 and would have been available to play with now have to keep working. One of my oldest friends is so resentful that she will have to keep going until 66 whilst I don't that she doesn't want to see me any more.
Gally, I hope the mattress fairy has appeared by now. It must be so hard to be caught out constantly by having to do things alone that John did with you.

You do get used to managing on your own - I don't even have any neighbours to whom I could turn for help. I can 'walk' a double wardrobe across a room and I can change plugs, fuses, etc. I get an awful lot of help on technical issues, like computer, car, plumbing problems, etc. from my various ex-pat forums - there are always people willing to share their expertise. I do have to ask them to explain things in words I understand sometimes, as the depth of my IT ignorance sometimes baffles them!

Gally - I relate to your mattress problem. Mine is changing duvet covers with arthritic shoulders. I've pretty much given up on the mattress!

Ladybird GN can be a great source of comfort and companionship as I have found out during the past few weeks even though I didn't join in too much over that time, I knew people were 'there' thinking of me and wishing me well. You can still be lonely even when surrounded by your friends and family. Lots of information, advice and help is available from all our GN friends as well as the odd ticking-off, falling-out and sometimes downright rudery!!
I, for instance, have just been wrestling with a kingsize mattress on my own and ended up sitting on the floor intears so I abandoned it and here I am, talking to you and all cheered up by reading these posts (I'm hoping a magic fairy will have sorted out the mattress problem by the time I go back upstairs)

Yes, dorsetent, I am well aware that many people are lonely through circumstance rather than by choice - I just get fed up with people assuming that because I choose to live alone I must be lonely.
I have two occupational pensions (Teaching and Civil Service) but my 75-year old sister has never had paid employment so she lives on benefits of various kinds, but she makes the effort to make friends without spending money. However, she is still able to get out of the house in spite of her many health problems and it must be very difficult for anybody who is housebound and without friends or family.

I do enjoy the companionship I find on GNet. There are lots of things I can do here and have friends I can talk to, but I have always been quite shy, something that probably doesn't come over in these on-line conversations. I don't regard myself as lonely and I do like my solitude, but I am afraid of becoming lonely later in life because I live quite a long way from my family.

Greatnan you certainly have a busy life and luckily are able to travel.But none of us has mentioned money. I can afford to go out to a film,theatre, coffee etc - even the odd holiday, however many pensioners can't due to lack of funds. I live an area with a lot of retired people - some obviously have busy lives, well dressed and enjoying their retirement. I travel to another area and it is so different to mine - no one is particularly well dressed [old and young] , I'll sound snobbish but there are lots of very young single mums [it's like a different country] and some of the old are quite shabby. So money can be an issue too. Welcome ladybird I love this site, I was without a computer for nearly 6 months and missed it dreadfully.

Welcome, ladybird! I spend my working day alone for the most part, which I like, but it's good to be able to chat on GN during pauses. I hope you will enjoy chatting on here too.

ladybird welcome here's hoping you enjoy the site as said we are diverse in our opinion's but we are all very nice and enjoy other people's point's of view and we also have a vast knowledge of information if you ever have a problem,we have been known to hold some very good vitual partie's which I am sure you would like to come to.

Good morning ladybird and welcome. Hope you enjoy chatting on here

Welcome, ladybird - I love chatting on gransnet because I can always drop out when my favourite TV programme comes on, or I want to go out for a walk. You will soon begin to 'recognise' people by their posts and their style. You won't find that you are on the same wavelength as every member, but that just adds to the fun and interest.

Hi ladybird9. Glad to hear you enjoy GN. Hope to see you chatting.

I live alone but am never lonely, with friends and family that I see several times a week, my dog to walk in the park, and lots to keep me interested in life. If I had stayed married (divorced many years ago) I think my life would have become lonely (or I would be in prison for murdering him! [grin}

Good morning ladybird9 and welcome. GN is good company for lots of us whose lives are not quite as full of people as we would like. There is usually someone around who would like a natter.
My life rather improved recently when someone opened a cafe 5 mins from my door. I have been hanging out there with my laptop or kindle and sometimes chatting to other customers.

I wouldn't agree that lonliness is more dangerous than smoking/drinking but, it's not nice............ sometimes my days are quite full and sometimes not, it is most surprising that you really do not need to be lonely, actually just a walk to the shops can conjure a conversation IF you are willing to say a few words, here in England the eather is always an opening topic. All the same I realise that it is not easy for some folk to open a conversation. I am continuously told "join clubs" yes that also is a opening for friendship, maybe..... I must admit that I would love to learn more about Gransnet it appears people tend to chat quite a lot about all kinds of subject and I DO love a chat. Not being a member for too long I do find comfort from contact via granset long may it continue.

If the opposite is true and not being lonely adds years to life I shall live to be a hundred!

I think it may be true to an extent - although like everything else, in moderation. A couple of years ago I went through a particularly hectic social period and ended up with shingles (apparently because I was so run down). So in my case no health benefits whatsoever

I can categorically state that I have never been shy and I am certainly not depressed. I do have some good women friends and we keep in touch through Facebook and e-mails. I visit them and a couple of them have visited me.
I used to have a very hectic social life, especially when I was working, but once I moved to France I found I no longer needed it. My time is taken up by walking, exploring, reading, TV, radio, surfing, music, jigsaws, sudoku - so many pleasant things to do and no need to consult anybody else's moods, needs, or desires. Bliss.
I shall be house sitting for a friend next week. She will only be there on the day I arrive, but I will be spending two weeks with my sister in May and again in August, and I will be staying with my daughter in New Zealand for two months in the Winter. I am also taking a snorkeling holiday in Egypt with a woman friend in June. That is quite enough socialising for this year for me.
To have a friend, you have to be a friend - I once had a friend who wanted us to meet every day and go shopping together, or drink coffee. (We both had toddlers so we were not working). I felt smothered.

Of course, I have never smoked in my life - I am far too sensible!

I used to visit elderly people to help with benefit claims and other problems and I met many older people who were indeed very lonely. The main cause for this was disability.

I noticed that many older people, particularly in rural areas have a public social life, they meet people and chat in the street, the pub, WI or at village events but rarely invite people into their house. Once disability makes them housebound they lose their social life and most of their friends because visiting friends and acquaintances at home has never been part of thier life. Many of them were severely depressed and on anti-depressants. Older people in that situation start neglecting themselves, they cannot be bothered to eat or keep themselves as active as their disability permits and lose all interest in living.It was not uncommon to hear comments like 'I'll be glad when I am dead'.

Living like that inevitably shortens lives.

I agree with Greatnan there is a difference with being on your own and lonely. I am happy being on my own, it doesn't worry me. However, I do a lot outside the house, have friends and I do accept invitations. I also have a daughter living close by and son and his family in London. Oh and I work 15 hours a week - so having quiet time at home and doing my own thing is very welcome. I do think that some people are happy really being on their own, or it becomes a habit, or they are very shy , as long as people keep asking them I'm sure eventually they will accept. I'm always saddened when one hears someone has been found dead, in fact dead for months and no one noticed. They often have family members but have lost contact.