Men holding doors open for women

I have particularly liked the screen name effblinder ever since I first saw it on Mumsnet because I assume it is a humorous reference to effing and blinding. Another I like is bobblygusset.

The clue's in the name!

Boy! Am I glad I don't Know Effblinder!

My daughters came from Cheshire to visit me in London in 1983. One was heavily pregnant and one had a six-month old baby in her arms. They had to stand because nobody offered them a seat. I asked them why they didn't just ask somebody, but they were too shy.
I find it difficult to lift my very heavy suitcases onto Swiss trains because they have very high steps, but if nobody offers to help I just ask any likely-looking man and they usually look rather embarrassed at not having offered and do it without any problem.
I have only had one bad experience - I was travelling on a French train and my platform was across the rails. There was a steep staircase up to the footbridge and another steep staircase down on the other side. I asked a station employee if there was a lift, and was told there was not, so I asked, very politely, if there was somebody who could help me carry my case and was told there was not, with a Gallic shrug. There did not happen to be any travellers about. This is not typical of French manners, I hasten to add - perhaps this person just did not like my accent.

not patronising or kind, just polite.

I always hold doors open for people (male or female) and I love it when people do the same for me. I always thank them but I do get annoyed when people do not even say thank you! If someone offers to help me carry something that's great . I think it is all just good manners and it has no bearing on the way I feel about myself. I know I am very capable and independent but I still appreciate being looked after sometimes!

Men opening doors for women is a sign that the man was taught good manners. The same goes for walking on the 'outside' of the pavement.

I guess as you get older you resent the fact that people assume you need help, in any case a polite "I'm fine thank you" won't hurt anybody.

I think both sexes can be ungracious about being helped as they get older through a fear of losing their independence or, in the case of men, feeling unmanly. Before my father died he could hardly walk and was quite muddled about things. However, I wouldn't have dared help him unload his trolley at the supermarket or take over his housework or whatever because I knew I would end up with a flea in my ear if I tried.

It's just crossed my mind that these days male chauvinists would probably be the last people to open doors or give up their seats. They would be feeling too hard done by about the strides women have made & make a point of watching us struggle.
If I need help, especially with the buggy, I'll accept it gratefully & graciously from whoever offers it. If I am scared by the size the gap between train & platform & no one is near, I just yell for help and it always arrives.
It's interesting to see which types of people do help - hunky East Europeans are great for carrying buggies up stairs with one finger (almost)! I hate the rude way my fiercely independent mother rejects help from anyone.
Whether or not we feel patronised also depends on us and I'm sure any MCPs would soon be re-educated by a feisty but polite response from a gransnetter.

So I get in and out of my car all week opening my own door but when a man picks me up in his car I can't get in as the door is locked and he insists on coming round and holding it open while I get in. It feels like control? If I am giving a man a lift I don't think about it I just pull up and let him get in himself. Even picking up my 91 year old friend I do the same unless there is some difficulty and I think she would be puzzled if I, a women, came round and opened the door for her, she is very independant

I think the whole thing dates back to when there was respect shown for women but then it because 'given'.

It's good the see you again PoppaRob

hope everything has been ok

I say it's just good manners and not a snub to anyone. Our Aussie singer Beccy Cole asked this rhetorical question:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=HjIqo3_yi7g&feature=related

I agree, petallus, it makes you feel good about yourself as well as doing just a small thing for someone else.

I like the feeling I get when I open doors for other people.

Yes good to have a door held for you whether it is male or female.

I'm always grateful when people open doors when I'm out. It can be very difficult on crutches! Even if they have fairy lights on!

I just like having doors held open , as I also try to do for other people , male or female, but it seems to me that some people just think, or are they just rude, who knows

And me Anagram. My mother was scandalised when my (now ex) sister-in-law turned up at my wedding (in church!!) in a trouser suit.

Noway!

Gosh, Jeni, you've just taken me back a couple of decades to when women were literally not allowed to wear trousers in the office! Can you believe it now?

Didn't worry me. Worried them with ingrained manners v protocol! I found it both amusing and ridiculous!
They had never had a female MO before!
The decision to treat me as another bloke solved it!
The only other feminist issue I had was when we had a lot of snow and the office was very cold! I turned up in a (very smart) trouser suit! The SMO queried this as acceptable dress?
I retorted that one of my fellow MOs was a Scott and no one would have queried his right to turn up in a kilt? But would he wear one in this weather?
Deathly silence! Point made!

I certainly wouldn't feel patronised if a man held a door open for me. I would be impressed by his display of 'good manners'. Lets face it, good manners are becoming as rare as hens teeth.

I remember when I took up my first MO post with what was then theDSS. My SMO was ex army as we're the other3male MOs. their instinct was to open doors for me and let me through first! Protocol said the opposite. They also rose if I came into a room!
I made a statement! Forget that I am female! I'm just another person doing the same job! Stop being so silly!
Readers, it worked!

I very much resented being asked if I were going to have more children and it was already forbidden then - unfortunately, one of the councillors on the interview panel was a dinosaur, but he was soon put in his place by the others.