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Being called by my first name

(98 Posts)
Grandmama Tue 17-Jan-17 19:19:02

Am I a bit prim and out of kilter with modern manners?

We have just completed the sale of a relative's house. When it went on the market I met the estate agent only a couple of times, he dealt with the viewings and rang up from time to time with progress reports. From the start he called me by my first name, I'm old enough to be his mother.

Today an email arrived from a professional body acknowledging my contribution to a forthcoming consultation which I had sent by a formal email (near the deadline so no time to send a letter). The salutation on the acknowledgement was: 'Morning' - followed by my first name. Not exactly a professional response to my formal email. The sender had a unisex first name with no indication as to his/her gender.

When my first granddaughter was born 15 years ago I asked my neighbour who would then have been about 50 how she wanted GD1 to address her (she said first names). My lovely neighbours on the other side moved in three years ago, their daughter now aged 5 called DH and me by first names right from the start without asking first. We would have agreed to first names but it would have been nice to have been asked.

In some countries formality is observed until one party suggests informality. Sometimes I feel patronised by this familiar approach - how do other grans feel?

mcem Tue 17-Jan-17 19:33:43

It's the cold callers that irritate me with their breezy 'Hi am I speaking to forename ?
I reply 'You're speaking to Mrs M but I've no idea why as I haven't contacted you!'
Call is ended shortly after!!

petra Tue 17-Jan-17 19:43:14

In professional communications i like to keep things formal, but when it comes to the neighbours children, why not? that's your name.

SueDonim Tue 17-Jan-17 19:53:53

Professionals should either address you by your title and name unless/until there's an agreement to use first names, I think.

In everyday life, things are much more casual nowadays so I don't mind if my first name is used, even by children. Apart from anything else, I feel so old if I'm addressed as Mrs by a child!

Cherrytree59 Tue 17-Jan-17 19:58:02

If I'm asked then I will give permission to use my Christian name.
Otherwise I sound like my MIL
Not a problem but she is still with us.

What I hate is birthday cards with my name on and birthday wishes from a shop! (Matalan)

As children we had to either call our elders by surname or aunt and uncle followed by first name. (The latter made me uncomfortable as the weren't my aunt or uncle).

How things have changed my GP and the consultant who did my recent op both call me by my Christian name

Interestingly though the same GP always shook my dads hand and called him MR + surname.

aggie Tue 17-Jan-17 20:17:54

My first name causes such a discussion that I sigh every time a new person asks about it , it used to be so much better when formality was de rigour , at the bowls club I got a nickname which I preferred

henetha Tue 17-Jan-17 20:26:53

I like being called by my first name by absolutely everybody.
I know it's pathetic, but it gives me a warm fuzzy feeling.

Christinefrance Tue 17-Jan-17 20:28:46

Family and friends use my first name and I am happy with this. Like Grandmama I object to professionals and people I don't know using my first name, it's patronising and implies a level of friendship that does not exist. It's good manners I think.

aggie Tue 17-Jan-17 20:33:20

A care worker told me that some people in care home liked their first name used as they had no relations left to call them by it , I think my frozen look informed her of my opinion . When I worked in the local hospital it was very formal , I doubt if anyone knew first names existed !!

Ana Tue 17-Jan-17 20:33:28

The older I get, the more odd it seems to be called by my forename by strangers as a matter of course.

vampirequeen Tue 17-Jan-17 20:36:26

I don't mind being called by my first name in informal relationships i.e. neighbours children but I hate it from people who don't know me but want to sell me something. If they ask then it's my choice. I can choose to be informal or keep them at arms length but often they just open with my first name and that irritates me before they even start the sell.

vampirequeen Tue 17-Jan-17 20:37:23

i.e./e.g I wish they were interchangeable when I'm tired grin

Jane10 Tue 17-Jan-17 20:39:29

I agree Christinefrance! My dentists have suddenly decided to call everyone by their first name. I was quite taken aback when the young receptionist called me by my first name. Previously it was always Mrs/Dr. Clearly the practice has taken some of decision on the matter.
At my recent stay in hospital I was asked specifically how I would prefer to be addressed. I said by my first name. Inconsistent of me? I don't think so as I was offered the choice unlike dental practice which I have been attending for decades.

Eloethan Tue 17-Jan-17 20:39:32

It doesn't bother me, but I think it is courteous for the caller to ask if you mind being called by your first name.

br0adwater Tue 17-Jan-17 21:23:14

In professional dealings I do prefer them to use my surname as a sign of respect and professionalism. In fact when I get similar quotes for jobs I often choose the one that seemed more respectful.

At work we had a discussion on this and I said that we should always use the client's surname. Younger colleagues were shocked and thought it would seem unfriendly. They suggested asking "may I call you Mary?" but accepted clients would find it hard to say no. Instead we settled for "may I call you Mrs Smith?" and very occasionally the answer would be "oh, call me Mary".

Rigby46 Tue 17-Jan-17 21:59:43

Jane10 and Eleo - I think there's a really important difference in the two questions - Jane was asked how she would prefer to be addressed. , Eleo's example is, do you mind being called by your first name. The latter is a very poor question as it is really suggesting the use of the first name is the preferred option. I would always expect the question to be put in the way it was to Jane. It's very neutral and therefore there is no preferred or suggested answer. What I find uncomfortable is in some professional work situations where I and my colleagues are called Mrs Rigby etc by junior staff but the norm is that we call them by thrir first name. It doesn't sit well with me

BlueBelle Tue 17-Jan-17 22:05:48

I don't mind what people call me I quite like first names it feels friendly It doesn't happen around here I ve never been called by my first name by a professional but wouldn't mind if they did

Rigby46 Tue 17-Jan-17 22:09:18

I honk the issue is not whether we mind as individuals but that professionals should not make assumptions but give us a choice and then follow our wishes.

Judthepud2 Tue 17-Jan-17 22:34:06

I am happy to be called by my first name, but not by my children/grandchildren. Mum/Gran are special names showing our special relationship. Luckily this is not an issue in our family. SILs and DIL call me by first name which is fine by me.

Cousins of mine call their elderly mother by her first name and she hates it.

Luckygirl Tue 17-Jan-17 23:22:14

A young delivery man came to the door the other day and said "Hi Lucky!" Clearly he knew my name from the address on the parcel. I must have a done a bit of a double-take, because he said something along the lines of - oops that was a bit familiar!

Bellanonna Tue 17-Jan-17 23:47:43

I usually offer my first name e.g when booking a plumber or appliance repairer. They say name? And I reply oh just call me Bella. When in the house they then continue to call me that. It's fine. My hairdresser calls me by my name and if I book a table anywhere, I say oh, just put Bella. I like to be called by my first name. My dentist did ask permission and I said only if I can call you Richard. One GP in our practice, however, used my first name automatically and I found thst irritating. I wanted to retaliate by calling her Eileen, but would have felt very uncomfortable doing so. On the whole, though. I like being addressed informally, unless it's a formal situation.

ninathenana Wed 18-Jan-17 00:09:38

Sorry people this is just a personal test. Ignore me

radicalnan Wed 18-Jan-17 09:56:52

I have been,

Matt's mum, Tamsin's mum, Jay's mum and Jed's mum...now I am Ernie's mum (he's the dog) I had almost forgotten I have a first name......

grandMattie Wed 18-Jan-17 10:16:08

I waited many years to earn the right to be called Mrs. S rather than Mattie and I find that everyone calls me Mattie whether I like it or not.
Yes, I find it patronising by young people. And in hospital if I'm asked, I reply that I would like to be addressed as Mrs. S unless I am waking up from an anaesthetic in which case Mattie is better...
As for shop assistants or trades people I don't know from a bar of soap... Grrr

Barmyoldbat Wed 18-Jan-17 10:18:10

Don't see the problem, always give my first name when asked for a name and have everything addressed if possible without Mrs on it, the medical staff, bank cashiers and just about everyone I know call me by my christian name. As a matter of interest in Cambodia they second question they always ask you is How old are you? Even if you are in a group going on some tour.