Bonkers husband again!

Mine locked me out in garden last week
Said he thought I was upstairs! !!!

It was my birthday this week - DH forgot to buy a card so he managed to find my stash of cards ready for surprise birthdays etc and give me one of them. Unfortunately he chose one which was easy to spot the minute I opened it !!

Mine's done something similar before Welshwife. Bought me a birthday card that said 'Happy Mother's Day' inside!
He only noticed when I pointed it out to him.

Crickey, ine nearly killed me today! We returned to our parked car, the car with occupants parked next to us was parked too close for me to open my door, so, hubby says, I pull car forward for you, I expected him to move about 6" to allow the door to open, but he moved completely out of the bay, but I was squished between the cars and he could easily have run over my foot as I had only expected him to move a little.....I will be less trusting in future. I always duck out of the way when getting something out of the boot as I a convinced he is going to slam the lid down on head, so, if I stop posting on here, please investigate!

Mine once locked me in the car on a hot day with windows closed! he locked up from habit he said later - I was supposed to join him in half an hour. I would have baked in there for hours (he was playing in a concert I was coming i listen to) if I hadnt realised that fortunately I had my car keys in my bag. When I told him, he just laughed!!!

Birthday cards? lucky you... The last one DH gave me was when I passed my driving test in 1977!!!
I get forgotten at receptions when he starts going home without me, I get left behind when he walks places [he walks faster than me and I now refuse to scamper - too old!]
Yes DH is bonkers - the thing that the DCs like best is whatever subject you mention he will have a song from strawberries to earache...

Ours is based on hearing. I know I am deaf and have an appointment due to have my hearing aids reset.
Yesterday the conversation went something like this:

Him: I am going for the beans (we grow our own)

Me: Why? We are having salad for supper

Him: I said I am going for a wee you silly mare.

Total collapse of both parties in hysterics!

A bit of background to this:My poor old bod is a blob of chronic pain and I need things I want to use close to hand. It's all a bit jumbly but if I have to go rooting for things I'm in no condition to do what I'd planned to do in the first place! However DOH can't resist tidying up, and forgetting where he's 'tidied' my things to. I then have to ask him to help me to find them. Typically I'll say 'It's a red box about this size and...' He then proceeds to hold up (say) a black box, or something that's not in a box and all sorts of things that don't remotely resemble what I've asked for! It feels as if every day in my house is a treasure hunt for something or other that isn't where I put it. How I long for the funds to have a place for everything!

Mine put the bag of (condensed milk) biscuits I had just baked for his mother, on top of his car and drove off...

You have to repeat things to mine a few times before he gets the message. (Last of the summer wine moment). It's that blank look you get.

My dad bought a wedding anniversary card for Mum's birthday one year !

My husband is often asked by doctors etc., if he has any problems remembering names. Difficult to answer, as he has always had problems with names, including mine.
His way round this was to make up names he could remember...the grandchildren were called Arnold and Jezebel!
The latest problem is that our son has tried to get him using Alexa for music, as he cant manage CDs. Would be fine, except he can't remember her name. He had me puzzled for some time one day, telling me something about 'that woman upstairs'

Mines just had to sit down quickly as he has a pain in his head, the second time he has had it in a few days, he said, I have that pain thing again, I told him to sit down and asked if his heart was beating fast?, so he felt on his lower left abdomen, I asked why he was feeling there for his heart beat, he said, where should I feel!!!

Mine's deaf! need I say more?!!!

Mine was a civil servant for 35 years and ALWAYS answers a question with another question. Probably playing for time.

We have sold an office chair on ebay, they are coming to collect it, so I suggested we put it into the hall in readiness, he could have taken it from study and thro lounge to hall, but no, too simple, he went from study, to dining room, into kitchen, along hall to front door. Have I mentioned that I am, of course, PERFECT lol.

A couple of years ago in early March I pointed to an area of our front garden where there were snowdrops, daffs and primulas out and said to DH, That's a real little corner of spring. He looked at it intently and then said "I can't see a ball of string, where is it?" As he kept asking me to repeat things (because I ' mumble') I suggested we both went for a hearing test. He was told his hearing was perfect, I was referred to the audiologist who recommended I have a hearing aid. You can imagine the smile on DH's face! He continues to ask me to repeat things and I manage perfectly well without a hearing aid.

We have the crazy conversations- he's not deaf, I mumble.
Not restricted to we more mature ones. DD could hear her DH laughing upstairs as he wrote her Anniversary card. He'd bought it for the nice picture, but inside it said "With Deepest Sympathy".

Oh your posts made me giggle Kateycrunch, sorry if that offends but they do read funny.

I've been close to tears a lot recently through the frustration of conversations with DH like those described above, yet I am laughing out loud at most of these

Like most men DH is dreadful at finding things even when told EXACTLY where they are - I now start the instructions by asking is he really listening and finishing by saying not to use his 'man-eyes' to look.

Oh dear, mine often cannot find the car keys...and blames everyone for putting them in the wrong place, rushes around moaning and getting quite flustered...until they turn up in the pocket of the trousers he was wearing the day before!!!

Ah yes, my DH is very deaf now but can hear quite well if it's about work related issues, which bores me to tears. He was issued with hearing aids but stopped wearing them because they fell out wnen he was climbing on racks at work. He is 74!
The tv has to be turned right up . Spoke to our neighbour about it, no problem she wears a hearing aid.
Bless him!

Hi Suki70
Getting you to repeat things... My hubby the same. He's been doing it for years... I of course say he needs a hearing aide... He of course says his hearing is fine! Now when he says "what" or "pardon" to an inquiry or request I DONT repeat myself . If he didn't hear that 'dinners on the table' then he doesn't eat it. When I stopped repeating myself his hearing picked up a lot. It's a POWER TRIP thing! They're old... they're retired .... and if by coincidence like me you've at last 'found your own voice' they don't like it.Ignore requests to repeat yourself they'll soon hear you first time. Pathetic or what!!