Gransnet forums

Sorry but I am so sad

(211 Posts)
Anniebach Tue 15-May-18 22:13:00

Elder granddaughter preparing to move to the West Country in June. Today the youngest, my precious little one viewed an apartment with her boyfriend 60 miles to the north. I am happy for them but selfishly unhappy for me. The first time in my life there will be no one to care for hands on. Helped with my three younger sisters and brother, then married and had my darling daughters, plus seven nephews and two nieces, now ? No one , first time in my life no family near me. I didn’t think the two granddaughters would leave here the same time. I will be so lost. Sorry to moan yet again.

Izabella Tue 15-May-18 22:25:34

Part of loving is having to let go. Grief is love having nowhere to go ........ 💐

Luckygirl Tue 15-May-18 22:46:52

Oh that is so hard Annie - my heart goes out to you. Please moan away and do not apologise. It is a tough time for you. flowers

gillybob Tue 15-May-18 22:47:45

Oh Annie I’m so sorry to hear that both your elder and youngest DGD’s are moving away. It’s not selfish at all to be sad that you won’t have them close by although I’m sure they will both visit often. Is it not possible at all that once they’re settled you couldn’t visit them once in a while? You have had too much sadness and upset recently . Thinking of you Annie xx

Anniebach Tue 15-May-18 22:52:19

It’s just too many in a short time, really upset the little one going too, I am very close to her, but three sisters, a niece, my three grandchildren , two dogs and my beloved daughter dying and all in 17 months , only Lottie left .

cornergran Tue 15-May-18 22:56:01

Why wouldn’t you have sadness, annie? Be gentle with yourself. Of course you want your granddaughters to be happy, but it’s not wrong to also want them close to you. There’s been too much loss, please take care and do keep in touch, it’s not moaning to share your hurt.

Bathsheba Tue 15-May-18 23:04:06

Oh Annie that really is tough. You've been through some terrible times recently, lost more than anyone could reasonably expect to in such a short space of time. No wonder you feel so sad - anyone would. Please don't apologise for moaning again - we're all here to listen, to be your virtual shoulder to cry on, so moan your head off. And plan your visits to your granddaughters later in the year. flowers

Squiffy Tue 15-May-18 23:39:56

Annie I'm not surprised you're feeling sad, you've gone through so much and must feel quite bereft - and so torn between being happy for them and sad for yourself. Keep posting on here, you're not moaning and, even if you were, it's perfectly OK, you're allowed!

Panache Wed 16-May-18 08:08:09

All very understandable Anniebach.

You are much as how I would describe my dear Foster mother,your life is made up of loving,caring,and nurturing other young folk..............such a wrench when they all eventually leave.
You find they no longer need you.A sadness developes.

Of course you are naturally happy for them as leave and make their own way in this big old world........but your nest is getting colder.... and empty you are allowed a quiet moan!

Time to fill the space with a few more of the doggie variety I say............there are many out there in search of a kindly home..............think about it.

I know you have your limitations with not being able to go "walkies"........ but I am sure there are others whom would be only too happy to do the deed..........if only I were within calling distance, I would be delighted to become your dog walker!

Think on have much to offer. PLEASE do not let it go to waste.

oldbatty Wed 16-May-18 08:34:37

mmmm, its great to be caring and to care and for sure it help fill a void in us. Your sadness sounds perfectly normal.

I dont know your back story but have you considered seeing a therapist to talk through some of this and maybe rediscover yourself and a way forward?

oldbatty Wed 16-May-18 08:36:50

actually now I have read about all the awful things that have happened, I would urge you to find a kind and professional therapist to help find a way through.

Willow500 Wed 16-May-18 09:45:41

Annie yet another blow to you - it's so sad to feel that we're no longer needed but in reality it's a sign that your granddaughters are grown and moving on the world which is good and the way it should be. They will know you are always there for them and will hopefully call regularly to let you know how they're getting on and come to see you whenever they can. You still have Lottie depending on you and a reason to get up in the morning. You also now need to concentrate on your own health to get your strength back so that you are able to look forward and start to go out again flowers

midgey Wed 16-May-18 09:55:52

Have you watched the programme This time next year? Could you think along those lines?

Teetime Wed 16-May-18 10:15:34

anniebach I'm so sorry I know how sad it is having family a long way away I hope you can sort out lots of visiting and have some dates to look forward to.

mostlyharmless Wed 16-May-18 10:20:34

Look after yourself annie. flowers

Anniebach Wed 16-May-18 10:24:23

You are all so kind and I keep moaning. I have always encouraged my grandchildren to fly, ‘ what if I fall, what if you fly’ . They have come through a difficult ten years and I have always been ‘their keeper of secrets’ . I understand them wanting to move away from here.

icanhandthemback Wed 16-May-18 10:31:59

You have had so much to deal with Anniebach, this must seem very hard for you. Take comfort from the fact that you have helped give them those wings to fly and your next gift will be to allow them to do so without recrimination. Perhaps you could spend some time looking for places you could visit nearby to them so you have something to look forward to and see if there is anyway to extend your social engagements near to home so that time between visits to family doesn't feel so far apart. A big virtual hug from me.

Nannymarg53 Wed 16-May-18 10:32:04

What a lovely quote Izabella 😊

luluaugust Wed 16-May-18 10:35:24

I think it is very difficult when the hands on caring starts to end, it does bring a sadness. Take care of yourself flowers

Millie8 Wed 16-May-18 10:36:49

So sad BUT think of it like this - you have succeeded brilliantly in your job of raisng and helping to raise your loved ones to be independant young people, given them the confidence to fly and find there way in the world. Im sure none of us would want ours to be like Timothy (Ronnie Corbet's character!) But what you have gone trough is too much for one person, so I wish you all the very best. Hope you have supportive friends and there is always Gransnet!

Kim19 Wed 16-May-18 10:41:00

Anniebach, to me this is evidence of your magnificent rearing that these young people feel free to fly without any 'better not leave Granny alone' hang-ups. Sure you will miss them (as I do mine) but life about yourself may start to evolve. Good luck.

lakeview Wed 16-May-18 10:47:44

theres always Gransnet -how comforting !grief is love having nowhere to go.....
thank you

Cherrytree59 Wed 16-May-18 10:47:59

On Annie I am sad for you. You have empty next syndrome.
With heart as big and loving as yours, you just want to continue giving out your love.
You can continue just from afar.
Letters from home
A postcard,
maybe Skype or FaceTime via your computer.

flowers xxxx

henetha Wed 16-May-18 10:54:10

I am so sorry. I know how you feel.. I am sending you a great big friendly hug.

knspol Wed 16-May-18 10:55:36

Have never posted to you before Annie but for what it's worth you have my heartfelt sympathy. It really does seem as if you have had so very much to bear in recent times and now even more sadness. There's no answer to this as I'm sure you know already but please realise you are not being the least bit selfish in your thoughts. I only hope you manage to maintain lots of contact with visits, emails, phone calls etc.