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Does this damage children

(177 Posts)
Anniebach Fri 15-Jun-18 11:17:11

A headmistress of a junior school has written to parents telling them videoing school sports is forbidden, parents video the finishing line then complain if the line judge has made the wrong call.

A discussion on either SKY or BBC yesterday between a football ref and a mother of five.

She said parents should be allowed to challenge , a child could be damaged if they had won but the wrong call had been made, it could put the child on a downward spiral of depression and their parents have to protect them from this.

The Ref disagreed He said there are sometimes wrong calls in sport but children have to learn this happens in sport and in life.

Who was right. Will a child be emotionally damaged if the wrong call is given in an egg and spoon race?

Maggiemaybe Fri 15-Jun-18 11:32:13

I agree with the ref, Annie. I’ve seen some dreadful tantrums at junior sports, more by parents than children grin, when decisions are disputed. Nobody’s perfect and mistakes will be made, sometimes to the child’s advantage, sometimes not. It’s up to the parent to be the adult, explain this and console the child if necessary.

MawBroon Fri 15-Jun-18 11:34:57

The vision of self- righteous parents challenging their precious Jacintha or Peregrine’s egg and spoon race (or indeed Wayne and Waynetta) is a frightening one.
I’m 100% with the referee’s decision is final

Fennel Fri 15-Jun-18 12:01:35

If they grow up thinking Mummy or Daddy is always going to solve their problems, how will they manage when they have to stand on their own feet?

Elegran Fri 15-Jun-18 12:09:05

If their self-confidence is so fragile that they will go into a downward spiral of depression at a wrong call during a FUN contest at a friendly sports day then the parent must be bringing them up to do so. Perhaps parents are so keen to praise the child that they put too much emphasis on having to win and not enough on the pleasure of taking part.

Whatever happened to being a good sport? And is this the logical progression from the fashion to give everyone a medal so that no-one feels left out at not being first past the tape? It is not a good preparation for real life.

gillybob Fri 15-Jun-18 12:13:31

It depends how wrong the decision was . If it was blatant favouritism then it’s wrong . If it was a “close call” then that’s that. End of.

I have seen decisions made by referees in football that were so blatantly wrong there was no explaination other than fixing or favouritism.

goldengirl Fri 15-Jun-18 12:16:58

Good grief! Learning to lose gracefully and taking knocks is part of life. Hopefully there are also positives to enjoy too. Not everyone can win at everything and not everyone is sporty but good or trying hard at other things. I personally believe that too much emphasis is on winning at sports - other subjects can be just as challenging but in different ways. I think just taking part deserves a medal grin speaking as someone who was a tubby child and nearly always last

Anniebach Fri 15-Jun-18 12:22:36

The Ref spoke of parents who charge onto a football pitch during a game.

gillybob Fri 15-Jun-18 12:24:42

I’ve seen that lots of times Annie it’s pathetic !

Greyduster Fri 15-Jun-18 12:29:44

I couldn’t agree more than with goldengirl. Learning to lose gracefully and accept decisions they may not necessarily like is an important life lesson. “He writes not that you won or lost, but how you played the game”.

Anniebach Fri 15-Jun-18 13:01:15

The woman who spoke of the damaged child talked such nonsense , the Ref was so sensible.

sodapop Fri 15-Jun-18 13:07:34

Totally agree Annie .

Synonymous Fri 15-Jun-18 13:08:36

The ref is spot on. Life isn't always 'fair' and that is just part of the learning process. In some households common sense is clearly on the wane!

PamelaJ1 Fri 15-Jun-18 13:19:29

I went to watch the tennis in Nottingham this week.
There were a few questionable calls. No Hawkeye, so the players just shrugged and got on with it.
No wonder there are so many screwed up kids.

Farmor15 Fri 15-Jun-18 13:46:18

I was listening to a psychologist on the radio a few days ago. He said that an important thing for young people to learn is that life is not fair, nor meant to be. He talked a lot about ‘emotional resilience” . Coping with losing, even if not fair, is part of growing up.

M0nica Fri 15-Jun-18 14:35:49

It will only put the child on a downward spiral of depression if the parent keeps harping on about it. If the parent's reaction is 'its tough but life can be like that' and gives them a cuddle and some love, the whole thing will blow over in 24 hours

Maggiemaybe Fri 15-Jun-18 14:56:38

parents who charge onto a football pitch during a game

Yes, this is sadly not that unusual, Annie. I've seen junior league refs jostled and verbally abused, by the parents. These are volunteers! It's not unknown for a junior team to have to play without supporters, as they've been banned from the touchline by the league. What sort of an example does that give to the children?

trisher Fri 15-Jun-18 15:26:23

This is a bit like discussing if a table is a better piece of furniture than a chair, they are different and both can be useful. So in a competetive team sport the referee's word. is law and any judgement must be accepted so the game can go on. But in races there is a winner and occasionally joint winners. If the person recognised as the winner at the time is not the winner then they should not be allowed to remain as such. To do so is blatantly unfair.
That said it is impossible to judge properly from a video as a different angle often gives a different result. But I don't understand the head any way she could have banned videoing of sports days without giving any reason. Permission to video school events can be withdrawn at any time.

grannysue05 Fri 15-Jun-18 15:34:02

I went to a primary school sports day last week and the sack race was a case in point.
Some sacks burst their seams at the bottom as the children were hopping, so of course these little ones forged ahead as their feet were free!
Caused great hilarity...and every child got an ice lolly at the end.

Greyduster Fri 15-Jun-18 15:36:23

GS is in a junior team and they are in no doubt about what is acceptable behaviour. That’s not to say they don’t play ‘muscular’ football, but we are very proud of the way they behave. There are rules laid down by the FA and rules that apply to parents and supporters too. I’ve haven’t seen that kind of behaviour from supporters for years - by and large there is always a very sporting atmosphere at matches we have attended. It’s the coaches of some teams who need the finger wagging at them.

Anniebach Fri 15-Jun-18 15:48:22

the head didn’t have to give an explanation trisher but I think she was right to do so, not play the ‘great I am ‘

trisher Fri 15-Jun-18 15:53:40

Oh grannysue05 your post reminded me that sports days were once fun events and winning didn't really matter, because everyone got a sticker or something and everyone had fun. Somehow between those who want no competition and those who are obsessed with winners and losers, the whole idea of a fun, enjoyable day has been lost.

Eloethan Fri 15-Jun-18 17:25:17

It's a shame everything is so competitive these days. It's just a kids' sports day for goodness sake.

It seems a bit mean to ban videoing though. We still have old cine film of our daughter at sports day - having great difficulty taking charge of her space hopper. Mind you, in those days, as a general rule, parents didn't take it so seriously.

Iam64 Fri 15-Jun-18 17:40:46

Things aren’t always fair. It doesn’t matter how hard we try to be good, things still go wrong. It’s a life lesson we all find a challenge but one we share.
The idea of parents thinking they should be the final arbiter of who won the egg and spoon race, just plain daft. Adults don’t always set a good sporting example. We had a small number of dotty parents, screaming advice to their child and the team, abuse at the ref. If they’d had video to add to their view they knew better than anyone else, well it would have been even worse.
Leave it to the Ref, whoever that is. Well done that head teacher. I take the point s/he didn’t need to give a reason but I’m pleased she did. Who knows, it may even encourage parents to set a better sporting example

Fennel Fri 15-Jun-18 18:20:49

This is the bit that worried me the most:
"She said parents should be allowed to challenge , a child could be damaged if they had won but the wrong call had been made, it could put the child on a downward spiral of depression and their parents have to protect them from this."
It's almost as if the parents are willing depression on their child, because this kind of situation is bound to happen many times in their life.