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Argy Bargy madness, come right in! 😜🍸

(1001 Posts)
lemongrove Thu 13-Dec-18 21:29:37

Ah, another year’s lease, wonderful!
Leave your worries at the door and put your feet up.

maddyone Wed 24-Apr-19 13:48:40

Thanks Meno, now I know!

lemongrove Wed 24-Apr-19 14:32:02

maddyone pop in here more often and you will be one of the cognocenti (we’re right cultured in ‘ere yer know.)
Big Jim should be in the cellar tapping his pipes, not lounging about in the bar! He is our cellarman, takes care of the beer casks etc ( when he and marydoll are not snogging.
Thor and Trev are our barmen, real hunks btw.Our clientele is mainly of a nautical bent ( no jokes please!)
The Admiral and The Captain are in here very day, usually drunk by lunchtime.
Have a pint of home made poteen? It will put hairs on your chest.😁

maddyone Wed 24-Apr-19 18:48:22

What, more than I’ve got already Lemon?

lemongrove Sun 28-Apr-19 19:30:57

We are having a baking day tomorrow here in the kitchen, so we can take a basket of goodies to Marydoll in hospital as she doesn’t like the food there.
I will make my trademark rock buns, what can you all offer?
I feel guilty now for saying she had gone off with that Italian waiter from Giuseppes pizza parlour..... but she has form with Italians......😁

Doodle Sun 28-Apr-19 19:40:59

Oh count me in too lemon. Poor marydoll. Hope she gets better soon. (Don’t feel too guilty - I’ve heard she might have him secreted under her bed. Don’t tell anyone 😱) What can I do. I know, I’ll make her a nice soft cushion to lie on out of this old bag - ooops sorry Day6 didn’t realise it was you blush. Ok then I’ll give her some of my special perfume to wear. That will cheer her up. It’s called Eu de Toilet Duck. 😀

maddyone Mon 29-Apr-19 19:05:17

I’ll send her some of our home grown cabbages, they’ll keep her going with all that stodgy hospital food, not to mention those rock buns Lemon! I’ll have to send them, I’m off to Gran Canaria tomorrow and don’t want to waste time visiting miss my plane.

lemongrove Wed 01-May-19 16:05:12

Ooooh! Gran Canaria, lucky you, have a good time.
Some of us have to work though ( old as we are) and this bar doesn’t run itself!
There’s quiz night, curry night, Karaoke night, and talent night to organise every week, stocking the bar, checking the cellar, cleaning up, never ends.
In fact I am advertising for new staff on GN, if you have two arms and at least one leg then please come forward.😁

Menopaws Mon 06-May-19 05:33:17

I've found some roadkill stew under the counter which I will reheat and take round to Marydoll, that'll get her digestive system started again esp if she has eaten rock cakes. I hope you all notice I have been doing some cleaning round here ready for Marydolls return, some help would be nice

Doodle Mon 06-May-19 21:32:32

Great news. marydoll is back. She’s recovering in the kitchen with soop but we need to make a nice quiet place for her to sit in the Argy. lemon you’re in charge of beverages. Something nice and healthy please to get marydoll back on her feet again.
meno will you help me round up the boys to make a comfy spot for marydoll to recline where she can rest her eyes (keep an eye on the boys) and not get over excited (but can watch the stage show) and build up her strength again.

Menopaws Mon 06-May-19 22:24:05

You'll find most of them in the cellar Doodle, I've been keeping them warm for Marydoll s return.

Marydoll Mon 06-May-19 22:27:48


maddyone Fri 10-May-19 10:59:58

Thanks Lemon, we have had a very good time but we're on our way home tonight so I'll pop in to check that Marydoll is behaving herself with all those men resting quietly. Pop a drink on the bar ready for me please.

lemongrove Fri 10-May-19 11:58:55

Welcome home marydoll ( the Argy is your home, after all.)😁
Have a pint of Old Dark Goblin’s Underpants, it will set you up for the day, and Meno has some nice hot stew on the go ( you will ‘go’ for days after that btw!)😕
You have missed some right old ding dongs ( there are a few unsavoury customers about these days) and some fab meals I conjured up.Are you up for karaoke yet?

lemongrove Sun 19-May-19 20:36:05

Just back from a sea trip with the Admiral, think I need another holiday to recoverwink
A pint of creme de menthe please with a cherry on the top and some of Chewy’s peanut brittle ( oh! It’s meant to be fudge?)
I have a real I buy a faux fur jacket or a silver
Mini dress, I can’t afford both( shame) which is more classy, help me out!

Doodle Sun 19-May-19 20:52:37

I think you’d be better off sticking with the faux fur underwear you have on at the moment lemon ...............oh!’s not’s a ferret! 😱

Doodle Sun 19-May-19 20:53:50

Hope marydoll can come back soon. I miss her. She added a touch of class to the Argy ..... is it class I mean 🤔

Menopaws Sun 19-May-19 20:54:51

Save your money and wrap a couple of ferrets around your shoulders Lemon, drug them with some creme de menthe and they will stay still for you, most impressive

Menopaws Sun 19-May-19 20:57:37

Marydoll please sign in for cleaning duties

Doodle Sun 19-May-19 20:59:00

Hello meno nice to see you. It’s a bit quiet in the Argy tonight. Fancy a pint? Creme de Menthe or poteen whatever takes your fancy.

Menopaws Sun 19-May-19 21:03:34

Pint of poteen with a creme de menthe chaser please

allassinsane Sun 19-May-19 21:47:54

I was wondering around and saw this flickering light down an alley. Is this the infamous Argy? If so I'll have a pint of your best Old Rosy Cheeks ta very much! And yer sausage rolls look very tempting with the black pepper grit lovingly sprinkled on them.

Doodle Sun 19-May-19 23:13:27

Come on in allass. You tuck into those sausage rolls as much as you like (psst. meno were those the ones you were supposed to throw out after Christmas?). Hope you’ve got good teeth allass. I expect you’ll need them. Ok then pints all round... but wash up after. We want the place ship shape for the Admiral and marydoll (just push all the dust under that old rug) Oops sorry lemon. What you doin down there?

maddyone Thu 23-May-19 09:35:09

I’ll sign up for cleaning duties but I’m not so much as lifting a mop till I’ve had several pints of whatever’s on offer. Get a move on someone, I’m thirsty.

Charleygirl5 Thu 23-May-19 11:09:38

Marydoll I was so worried you would not get out of hospital alive once this lot brought their hand made goodies. We both know that hygiene is not top of their list and the ingredients are a tad iffy. Thank goodness you made it but please look after yourself, you are really not up doing to the level of cleaning that place needs

I would prefer it if you and soop did not visit for the foreseeable future.

lemongrove Tue 18-Jun-19 13:20:19

Having been a busy bunny lately, I haven’t been in the bar to do my stint at helping, so sorry.
It’s a long tale of woe, rollicking pirates,rescues at sea, giant squid, naval goings on etc etc.
Nice to see a new face allassinsane or indeed, a new ass.😁
Right, draw me a pint Charleygirl5 as you are behind the bar, and I will start by checking out the cellar ( who’s down there?)

Doodle Tue 18-Jun-19 13:27:16

Me!! I’ve been down here all the time you’ve been away. The door jammed and I couldn’t get out. Mind you, it hasn’t been too bad. I’ve had company 😉 and I’ve drunk the cellar dry 🤪. Be nice to get some fresh air though 😷

lemongrove Tue 18-Jun-19 13:28:25

For anyone new venturing through our doors, we man the bar, clean the kitchen, do a bit of baking and discuss our (usually bad) behaviour and any other bits of chat.
We get on well, but marydoll runs off with the takings now and then and has an ‘arrangement’ with Big Jim our cellarman.We all fight over the Admiral and the Captain, two old seadogs who call in every day for a snifter.
If George Clooney calls in we chain him to the Nespresso machine for a while ( he escapes eventually).
Soop sometimes brings us home baked Scottish delicacies such as haggis, bloaters in aspic,deep fried bits and bobs etc.
Doodle and Meno are not to be trusted with....well, almost anything, and maddyone only pretends to clean, and needs an eye keeping on her around the sausage rolls.

Charleygirl5 Tue 18-Jun-19 15:12:24

lemongrove I am sorry but "clean" is not a word that most in the argy have heard of! I must give a demonstration on how things should be kept but I may catch some awful disease just walking through the doors. Not nice for a refained person like myself. My sat nav brought me there- I would have preferred the middle of nowhere.

GrannyGravy13 Tue 18-Jun-19 15:47:34

I have returned poteen and a sausage roll for me please (and if you are lucky I shall let you know where I have George Clooney hid and tied up)🍺🗝⛓🕳

Carillion Wed 19-Jun-19 19:43:34

Thank you lemongrove have been trying to work out this wondrous GN forum for days now and realise it's delicious madness. Speaking of which...deliciousness I mean... Beetroot chocolate cake and cream tomorrow with as much fizz as I can find. X

lemongrove Wed 19-Jun-19 22:26:18

You’re welcome here Carillion’ll do for us, rough as ye are 😁as we say around here ( if we like someone.)
Delicious madness is about right, anything goes, so loosen your corsets, put your feet up and try a pint of Old Dark Seadog while you wait for the clientele to trickle in( well, stagger in is more apt.) Tottter in, in some cases, especially Marydoll who wears six inch heels, even to clean up( as she is only about four feet five.)
Shall I give you a twirl, I am wearing a new outfit tonight!
Red lurex boob tube, silver lurex miniskirt and red stilettos,
I even shaved my cleavage.😊

Menopaws Thu 20-Jun-19 03:13:11

I always thought that was a ferret round your neck, didn't realise it was chest hair. So that isn't a Yorkshire terrier in your draws?

Charleygirl5 Thu 20-Jun-19 08:55:14

I think I may stay in soop's kitchen because for me, it is becoming a bit common here and I am too refained for that.

*lemon" are you intending to earn some money (with a bag over your face) wearing that outfit? I suppose you have to pay for your booze somehow and the stuff at the Argy is not cheap.

GrannyGravy13 Thu 20-Jun-19 09:54:09

Well I am definitely up for a laugh today!!!

Thigh high black boots, black pvc dress and my whip is in the bag behind the Admirals chair Shhhh🤐🤐🤐🤐

Just popping out for vital provisions - headache tablets, anti-bacterial wipes (extra strong) and as there appears to be an "infestation" in Big Jims cellar some cockroach and mouse traps!!!!

Carillion Thu 20-Jun-19 11:35:49

You are all so outrageous, I love it x

lemongrove Thu 20-Jun-19 15:04:42

grin Well, actually it is a Yorkshire terrier Meno he is so tiny he tucks into my jeans with just his little head poking out, and I like to take him everywhere I go.I can’t let him run around on the floor, he fights with the ferrets.

lemongrove Thu 20-Jun-19 15:08:29

I have a date night tonight with Thor ( our Scandi barman)
He took one look at my lurex outfit and that was that.😊
Now, who allowed the Admiral to have more than three pints of our home brew? Whoever it was will have to get the wheelbarrow from out the back, shovel him onto it and push it down to the docks, he’s cluttering up the floor at the moment.

Doodle Thu 20-Jun-19 15:16:54

Oh lemon, for goodness sake that wasn’t your hairy chest you shaved, that was one of the Admirals spare fake beards. It must have got stuck on your chest last time you and he were .....doing the tango. 🧔🏻

I have decided to go all out with my outfit for tonight. I settled on a homemade strapless mini dress. I was going to make it out of sparkly silver cooking foil but I’d run I used cling film instead. I’ll give you a twirl, what do you think? Great isn’t it? 😀

Doodle Thu 20-Jun-19 15:18:49

You know why Thor is going out with you tonight don’t you lemon. He can see his own reflection in your lurex outfit and he’s just admiring himself 😉

lemongrove Thu 20-Jun-19 15:28:21

Doodle......ah, all is clear now, haha especially through your cling film mini dress, you look like a giant ball of dough all ready to roll out🤣
Still, the men around here aren’t fussy.
So much jealousy on display here, Thor is completely under my spell ( no witch jokes please!)

Doodle Thu 20-Jun-19 20:19:06

Just because my curves are on view lemon, no need to be jealous. If you’ve got it flaunt it is my motto and I’ve got it in abundance. Off onto the dance floor now to strut my stuff 💃 stand back everyone, I’m not sure how long the clingfilm will keep it all in 😀

Menopaws Thu 20-Jun-19 21:09:41

Doodle you may regret the cling film look as you know even the keenest of men will never find the end to try and unwrap you.

lemongrove Thu 20-Jun-19 21:15:42

You certainly do have it in abundance Doodle you nearly had my eye out there!
Meno go and find some sharp scissors, she’ll have to be cut out of it.
OMG she is lap dancing on the Captain! He has a dicky ticker.😱

Doodle Thu 20-Jun-19 23:13:46

Gosh this cling film is really sweaty stuff 💦💦💦. I’m dripping everywhere. Don’t know what’s happened to the Captain he’s going a funny colour. He really likes my lap dancing, he’s groaning with excitement 😆

Menopaws Fri 21-Jun-19 02:39:55

I think he's allergic to cling film and he's come out in a nasty rash or else you're squashing the life out of him

maddyone Fri 21-Jun-19 05:06:48

Lemon, what’s cleaning? Anyway, who cares about cleaning when Lemon’s wearing a lurex frock, and Doodle’s in a see through mini dress. No one’s going to be looking for dust are they? Especially that Caption and the Admiral! Never mind Thor, his eyes are out on stalks! I think I need to think about my dress, I’m going for my red pvc mini dress and my over the knee white plastic boots. That’ll knock em all dead!

vena11 Fri 21-Jun-19 14:51:26

Why not hot pants and knee high boots , I have just joined grans net I does sound like fun.

Menopaws Fri 21-Jun-19 16:33:16

Welcome but beware of your induction but if you bring food you might get away with it

lemongrove Fri 21-Jun-19 16:41:36

Welcome vena11 and in the words of the old song....
‘Come round any old time, make yerself ‘at ‘ome,
Put your feet on the mantelshelf, go to the cupboard and ‘elp yerself ‘etc 😁
We all help ourselves here, to anything we fancy, a pint of poteen, a ferret roll, Thor or Trev the bar staff.....

Carillion Fri 21-Jun-19 17:33:09

lemongrove can I borrow your boob tube, mini and red stilettos? have my own pink fishnets. Had a last minute invite to a rave tonight which I fear might mean a few drinks of pop before the sun's over the yardarm and indeed before I set off with my glitter-ball x

Charleygirl5 Fri 21-Jun-19 17:55:49

Carillion you do disappoint me by joining that lot. I thought that like me you were more refained. You need a very sturdy stomach to enter because food poisoning is high on the list. You also have to hunt high and low to find running water. It really is not for me.

Carillion Fri 21-Jun-19 19:20:44

Charleygirl, I tried to fight it all day, don't know what came over me, all of a sudden I just had to have those stilettos to wear. I'll try harder tomorrow. As it is I've stretched the mini skirt and'll have to put through a hot wash before I give it back to lemongrove. Just hoping she doesn't notice the extra slit up the side...the one I made by accident when I was doing the splits...

Carillion Fri 21-Jun-19 19:22:47

Charleygirl obviously the hot wash is to shrink the said mini skirt back to its small size, meant to say that...

lemongrove Sun 23-Jun-19 20:10:48

That’s the last time I shall lend my bestest clothes!😡
Btw, are these your thigh high white plastic boots I am wearing vena11 ......I love them and I will definitely give them back (next year ok?)
Off to the sales to buy another boob tube!

maddyone Mon 24-Jun-19 01:09:36

No Lemon, those boots are mine, I sincerely hope you haven’t stretched them.

Menopaws Mon 24-Jun-19 01:34:16

Have you not seen Lemons thighs? Those boots will never be the same again

Carillion Mon 24-Jun-19 13:57:02

Just got back from supermarket in Rennes (Aldi)...Distile Bio-Gin, 1ltr, 40% proof, 11.99€......(£10.75). Bought two, one for me and one for The Bargy...purely for research purposes, obviously

Menopaws Tue 25-Jun-19 20:43:32

And very nice it was too!

lemongrove Tue 25-Jun-19 21:59:40

Trust Meno to polish off the free gin ( and now she is lying on the fur rug in front of the fire, snoring away) wait a minute....the fur rug seems to be on the move, it’s the Captain! He’s wearing my old Afghan coat from my hippy days, must have stolen it from the cellar.

gransal Tue 25-Jun-19 23:09:56

If meno and the captain start scratching in the next few days, my chief suspect would be the coat. I have first hand experience of this ( don,t ask !!)

Doodle Wed 26-Jun-19 13:19:49

Oh no! I’m itching all over. Must have caught something from that coat when I was with the captain. Trust you lemon Afghan coat indeed 😡
charleygirl I am beginning to have my suspicions about you. 🤔 For someone who is too refined to come here, you seem to be spending a lot of time in the Argy. I think you’ve got a crush on the Admiral. I’m right aren’t I 😀

Day6 Wed 26-Jun-19 13:33:35

I could hear the racket coming from the Argy. Blimey - day time activity from the tarts regular clientele.

Mind you, when I peeped in a few minutes ago, (on the way to the harbour for a few crabs*) the regulars were slumped over the bar. It was quieter. Always is when they are inebriated. Seems like I missed out on the free gin - dammit.

* One of the regulars told me to forget the harbour. I could get live crabs in the Argy. Hmmm.

lemongrove Wed 26-Jun-19 19:16:03

Day6...the cheek of it, are you casting nasturtiums on the Argy’s good name regarding cleanliness by any chance?

lemongrove Wed 26-Jun-19 19:19:11

Ah, yes, my old Afghan coat could tell a few tales you know,
Happy days!😁
That’s what I thought about Charley too, as she isn’t too refined to be propping up the bar every day, and has been batting her eyelashes at every man here.

Day6 Wed 26-Jun-19 19:59:23

Well the Argy is always a bit whiffy - it is part of its charm - but I suspect the recent smell of a thousand wet dogs comes from that coat. I am sure I saw it inching its way across the floor last time I was in. It was positively crawling. I expect lemon threw it on the floor thinking we'd see it as a bit of upmarket decor - like a sheepskin rug in front of the fire. hmm

Blimey, rugs in front of the fire. Don't give the regulars any ideas. It's best they keep their nefarious activities with the opposite sex (or Maureeese) down in the cellar. Thor and Trev look shattered these days. I do hope they get paid for all the 'overtime' they have to put in.

Is George Clooney still tied up down there?

Doodle Wed 26-Jun-19 20:04:18

What do you mean whiffy day6 .😡. I’ll have you know I’m wearing the very best Eu de toilette. 😠. I splashed it on straight from the pan earlier this evening, so there 😀

Day6 Wed 26-Jun-19 20:13:46

Doodle, you are one of the classier regulars, without a doubt.

I imagine you might smell slightly of Harpic mind. I did sling a bit down the loos earlier on. I expect most Argy folk will be wondering where the fabulous scent is from.

I saw Trev oiling up his torso with chip fat earlier too. I hope your smell erm, perfume, overpowers his. That chip fat hasn't been changed since 2003.

Doodle Wed 26-Jun-19 21:01:36

Ooh Harpic. My favourite perfume. Thanks day 😊

Carillion Thu 27-Jun-19 14:18:43

Is it true...canapés are soon to be freebies left perched on the Argy Bargy bar soon?

lemon, is that why you asked me to buy the tins of own brand "Meoww,-Meoww Tuna"?

They were on offer, 3 dozen for the price of 2 as long as you bought the 'Sea-farers' long-life gin. Bargain ⚓️⚓️

Doodle Thu 27-Jun-19 20:45:21

Well I can turn my hand to a good vol-au-vent so get opening those delicious cans of ....tuna carillion. Now I think we could also serve some nice mini cheeseburgers so if you’ll pop back to the shops for a couple of cans of high quality mince (the type found in the 🐶 food aisle) I will make some and if you pop down to the cellar after I think you’ll find some mouldy cheese in the mousetrap. Perfect!
😊. The Argy catering department is up and running!

Menopaws Fri 28-Jun-19 02:53:11

No I shared the mousetrap cheese with George clooney in the cellar the other day (well he said he was GC but I think it was Trev putting on an american accent). Anyway we had an impromptu cheese and wine night to keep our strength up. I say wine but I think it was poteen.

lemongrove Fri 28-Jun-19 08:26:12

I fear you were all correct about my old coat, I have now got rid of it ( sold it to Maureese for a fiver) and told him/her not to wear it to work.😁

I can help out in the bar on and off over the weekend, but will be away Mon/Thu on a mini break ( modesty forbids me to say where or who with) so you will have to carry on
Without me.I’ll come charging in with mop and bucket on Thu night so watch out!

Menopaws Fri 28-Jun-19 15:32:48

Enjoy but resist buying a new coat please

Carillion Fri 28-Jun-19 15:54:13

Fear not Lemongrove ...I've got the hang of this now...the ABCD know, ...*Argy Bargy Catering Department* will be safe in..? someone's hands ...while your on your next spying mission...oops! Sorry.

It's a shame that Meno and her paramour got to the cheese first but when I ventured to the celler for the first time I managed to scavenge some impressive looking capers. They were all over the place.

So, canapés and Doodles vol-au-vents are still on track...

Carillion Fri 28-Jun-19 16:09:38

Sorry ...of course having been to a Paris finishing school I meant cellar 🇫🇷

Doodle Fri 28-Jun-19 16:52:38

Carillion I feel you will be a big asset to the Argy and admire your enthusiasm but on the subject of those capers.....are you sure they weren’t droppings!! (personally, I’m not bothered if they are. I will quite happily scoop them them in the stewpot and make another delicious 🤢offering)
meno trust you to eat the last of the cheese. Have you got any goodies to add to the catering department to replace it? Preferably not something you shared with George (Trev) C.

Carillion Fri 28-Jun-19 17:22:01

Doodle you might have rumbled discerned my supply of capers but as you have said yourself, they'll add a tangy uplift to any grub and are in plentiful supply in The Argy cellar.

Menopaws Fri 05-Jul-19 03:58:41

Don't touch the capers!!!

Carillion Fri 05-Jul-19 13:05:41

Come on Meno, it's only a bit of protein..isn't it?!

However, while lemon has been away on her mission sojourn, we've done little to add to The Argy Bargy bar snack menu ... no wonder the recent clientele of old sea dogs seem to be asleep all over the place in the cellare suite.

lemon did say she'd no doubt have to return with a mop and bucket...Yikes! 😬

Doodle Fri 05-Jul-19 13:16:53

Don’t worry carillion, I’ve got it sorted. I popped into soop’s kitchen this morning and stuffed my pockets with all the goodies I could find. We will have quite a banquet for when lemon gets back although she’ll think we’ve gone all up market with the Opera cake 😀.

Carillion Fri 05-Jul-19 13:29:27

Doodle, you are brilliant! ... just don't tell anyone there's beetroot in the opera cake!! 😈😈😈

ps... When you next go to the cash and carry, don't forget the 5 kg of courgettes which you said you'd shove into the vats of strawberry/ vodka daiquiri. See you later, I'm on caper duty.

Day6 Fri 05-Jul-19 13:38:22

Oh bit of decent grub is well over-due. Nice one Doodle. I hope Soop's Kitcheners don't notice the cake shortfall. Any change of kidnapping a few to use as our cake slaves/cleaners?

Hellocarillion and welcome. smile

I just wanted to let you know I am extremely allergic to droppings capers. So whoever is rustling up dishes with the special cellar capers please excuse me if I take Meno's advice and pass. (Good grief...I'd do more than pass....I'd flippin' well expire if I indulged in one of the Argy's famous throw-anything-in stews.)

Mind you, they do wonders for the chest hair. I might have to nick Lemon's razor in her absence. I think I saw the tied-up George Clooney edging his way towards it when I popped in to nuzzle up to him this morning, so I wrapped him all over in cling-film just to make his escape attempts more difficult. I shall pour myself a pint of Cherry B before I leave, and for services rendered to regular clientele I might have a Pernod chaser.

Doodle Fri 05-Jul-19 13:42:32

Uh ok 5kg of courgettes..... wanders off mumbling to herself...don’t usually do vegetables now we’ve got beetroot in the cake and courgettes in the vodka ... carry on like this and we’ll become a health club. 🏋🏻‍♂️

Day6 Fri 05-Jul-19 13:45:41

Vegetables???? Health club???? <faints>

I fear the Argy is going down-hill fast! shock

Day6 Fri 05-Jul-19 13:49:19

I do think we need to put our heads together and come up with a plan to ensure our usual slovenly standards are maintained. Lemon will go berserk if we sink any lower.

Vegetables indeed!!! It's horrific! What is the world coming to? Has one ever crossed the threshold before? This is a grave day for the Argy....

Doodle Fri 05-Jul-19 13:53:40

Right I’ve got the courgettes. Had a few funny looks in the supermarket, I’d forgotten to take any bags so I stuffed them down my trousers 👖. Had a job walking but managed to get them back ok.
Now a slight problem. On my way back from the supermarket I was followed by this 🦖. I think it was attracted to the courgettes. I’ve popped him in the cellar with George for now. They are getting on well. Tiny (as I’ve named him) is giving George a good licking ....not too sure George is ok with that but hey ho.
Right that’s my good deed for the day too. Budge up Day, pint of Pernod for me too. Cheers 🍹

Day6 Fri 05-Jul-19 14:25:46


Our George wouldn't let ME lick him this morning. I tried.

lemongrove Fri 05-Jul-19 17:04:38

Right! That’s it!
I just can’t go away and leave you for long.....courgettes, beetroot in CAKES? George tied up in clingfilm? Capers harvested from the cellar? The only capers in the cellar are those got up to by Doodle and Big Jim/Thor/Trev.So, it begs the question, wot the ‘ell are you putting in the soup?

lemongrove Fri 05-Jul-19 17:05:42

....and why is the till empty except for a few old buttons and an Irish sixpence?

Doodle Fri 05-Jul-19 21:08:54

Gulp! Quick hide everyone. lemon is on the warpath. Don’t tell her I’m hiding under the bar 🤫

Menopaws Sat 06-Jul-19 09:09:33

What happened to the meat products we used to have as bar snacks in the good old days? That was proper health food. The out of date porks scratchings were a delight. I'm with Lemon on this one, leave the veggies to the kitchen and bring back unrecognisable meat products

maddyone Tue 09-Jul-19 23:36:03

Well hello you lot, I’ve been away in the good old USA for a while, so what’s new in the cafe then gals? Something going on about healthy eating and vegetables, oh my Lord, things are going downhill fast as soon as me back’s turned. Vegetables, whatever next!

Doodle Wed 10-Jul-19 13:44:47

Ok message received and understood. I have binned all the courgette soaked daiquiri (actually it wasn’t too bad. Went down a treat. For some reason I was unable to walk straight for a few days 🤔)

I’ve rummaged around and found a few bags of out of date sausage rolls, some burgers 🍔 (I think they’re ok but they’re a bit grey and mouldy. Cover them with ketchup and they should be ok) and some pasties 🥟. Not sure what’s in them but I’ll bung everything in the oven and be dishing up hot food tonight.
carillion how’s the caper stew coming on 🥘.

lemongrove Wed 10-Jul-19 20:17:32

Hmmmm, think we had all better give supper a miss here tonight at The Argy, I have had my stomach pumped three times already this year!
Trev and Thor are looking very fetching, they say since they are BFF they should dress the same.White suits with glitter collars, very Elvis, I love it.
Thor says I look hot, but not in a good way, cheeky devil.It is hot in here tonight, I will have a pint of creme de menthe with icecubes and a bit of gherkin, that should do the trick.🍄🍄🍄And a few magic mushrooms on the side.

Doodle Wed 10-Jul-19 20:27:47

Ok......Trev and Thor BFF. Hmmm 🤔. I have no problem with that but does it mean us ladies need to look for more talent? Perhaps with Trev and Thor on the door we are now going to broaden the Argie’s appeal and we could be in line for increasing our clientele.
By the way. I have ordered a couple of poles (of the hard rod variety) to be installed so we can start some evening entertainment. Whilst I am not so much into gyrating myself, are you up for it lemon?

lemongrove Wed 10-Jul-19 20:36:24

Oh yes, I love a bit of pole dancing,me! I will run a costume up for both of us Doodle out of some old curtains I’ve been keeping for a rainy day.
I think Thor and Trev are on a bonding excercise in the cellar ( so they said, anyway) but more likely they are just smoking and playing cards and skiving as usual.
Big Jim is behind the bar, but am a bit concerned that he has already put away half a bottle of Jack D, and is swaying visibly.😱

Menopaws Wed 10-Jul-19 22:53:09

I’m off to the docks to find some more men with a lot of energy, the ones here are getting lazy/tired, won’t be long

Doodle Wed 10-Jul-19 23:00:50

Oh ok lemon I will give anything a try once. I hope you have big curtains, there is quite a lot of me to cover. As for the pole dancing, if I am to join you, we better make sure it’s firmly imbedded in the floor otherwise it may end up being thrown about like a caber once my bits start gyrating blush

Menopaws Thu 11-Jul-19 23:55:01

Save your energy I said I wouldn’t be long and I might have an audience for you

gransal Fri 12-Jul-19 00:46:11

Did someone say installation of poles? Not visited for some time after a close encounter with thor. Traumatised but happy !!

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