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Argument with DD’s neighbour

(126 Posts)
gillybob Sun 14-Apr-19 16:59:00

As I have mentioned on the Good morning thread a couple of times, DH and I are in the process of doing DD’s garden .for her and the baby. Yesterday we cemented the fence posts in and today we have been fixing the fence panels, clearing etc. My DD lives on a small estate where each resident has one marked parking bay but unfortunately hers is no where near the gate to her garden . This morning my DH pulled the van into the bay right near her gate temporarily so we could unload. Quick as a flash this woman appeared and started shouting “ this is private property , it’s my bay... get out .... bad language... blah blah blah”
I explained that we would be less than half an hour unloading etc. Then we would move ..... oh no not good enough ..... the next thing a man appears and made some serious threats to DH of what he would do if he didn’t move the van ( it’s a small van btw) right now ! I tried to reason with him by saying
“If you just let us unload we would have been moved by now”
Which seemed to make him worse as next thing he puts his fists up ( silly old b*gger) and says he’s getting the police .... Now we did carry on and unload the van and then moved it but DD is really worried (frightened even ) as we are going to have to move rubbish out and have sand , topsoil etc. delivered soon. Incidentally the nutty bloke is the boyfriend of the woman who’s bay it is he doesn’t even live there ( or at least not officially) . Not sure how we can empty the garden of rubbish without crossing/ using “her” bay ( that she doesn’t even bl**dy well use ) ? DD is really worried . In a way I wish he had rang the police ( how crazy ) . Any ideas how we should handle this ? I have never come across 2 nastier old farts in my life !

kittylester Sun 14-Apr-19 17:13:04

Difficult gilly. It might have been better if he had called the police, as you said! I'm not sure what she should do in this situation but someone else will know. You don't need this aggro as well!

Niobe Sun 14-Apr-19 17:14:00

It might have been better to have asked them first if you could use the bay but what's done is done. I would give them a few days to calm down and go round with a box of chocolates and a bottle of wine, apologise and explain your need to load and unload the van. Sorry you had this nasty experience , most people would have been fine with what you had to do.
When my son and his wife's new house was being renovated the neighbours offered to let their builders use their (the neighbour's) off street parking as my son's house still had a front garden and the street had pay and display parking. Easy to get on with neighbour's like that.

gillybob Sun 14-Apr-19 17:29:45

I wish they had called the police kitty they would probably have laughed st the pair of them ! There’s no way there will be any chocolates or wine now Niobe they were truly vile, threatening and foul mouthed too ! Horrible horrible people and it’s hot me all churned up and upset . It Spoilt a really productive day . Poor DD is past herself .

Telly Sun 14-Apr-19 17:38:19

Yes, would have been much better to have asked first, after all your DD is going to have to live there. Bottom line is that you are going to have to steer clear of this bay no matter how inconvenient it may be. This is really difficult for your DD, who is already afraid. Neighbor disputes can put a huge strain on every one. Oil is needed on troubled water.

gillybob Sun 14-Apr-19 17:48:58

We can’t stay clear of the bay telly my DD’s gate is almost in it ( her gate opens in over) and you step out onto stones beside their bay . We didn’t ask first as the bay is not used and so ( wrongly) assumed they would be fine with us using it to unload our van No way to get anything in or out without touching it . I just can’t for the life of me understand why anyone has to behave so unreasonably . DH has just informed me that the man said “best keep
Looking over your f***ing shoulder mate”
Jeez I can’t believe it, talk about an overreaction .

Baggs Sun 14-Apr-19 17:49:57

What did the removal people do when your DD moved in?

Just wondering if there is an access clause even though the bay belongs to the nighbour.

gillybob Sun 14-Apr-19 17:54:24

Thank you for that Baggs good idea . I’m ringing the management company tomorrow to ask . Surely there must be a way you can get access to your own property . I did ask the woman how she had her conservatory fitted and did they carry everything through the house ? No of course they didn’t ! My DD didn’t use removals when she moved in as there was nothing much to move ( it is her first home) double yellows on the front street anyway . Delivery drivers have to put their hazards on and be very quick !

Eglantine21 Sun 14-Apr-19 17:56:09

Sorry, but I think you were in the wrong to go and park in a bay that belongs to someone else, as if you and your family could just do as you want.

Wouldn’t it be polite to ask if you could use someone else’s space?

Not that I condone the neighbours attitude either.

But it’s your daughter who now has a bad relationship with her neighbours........

gillybob Sun 14-Apr-19 18:00:54

The neighbour does not have a car so we wrongly assumed she wouldn’t mind us using her unused bay for temporary access into my DD’s garden . That’s it . I have been beating myself up about it all afternoon and probably won’t sleep again over it . DH is upset and that’s the last thing he needs more upset ! Yes we were very wrong to assume that she would be okay about it Eglantine

gillybob Sun 14-Apr-19 18:02:20

My DD is do quiet the neighbour said “ she doesn’t even live there” she’s always worked full time .
Hmm well she’s lived there for over 10 years !

Eglantine21 Sun 14-Apr-19 18:14:23

People are territorial!

Oh dear.

I think I would do the apology ( choking in my teeth as I did it) just for the sake of peace.

But I’m such a wooss.......

kittylester Sun 14-Apr-19 18:15:30

I think it is unreasonable to be so aggressive. If they objected they could have said something along the lines of, 'Do you realise this our bay?' You could then have explained.

gillybob Sun 14-Apr-19 18:20:20

They just came out all guns blazing shouting the odds. I did try to explain kitty I said we would be less than half an hour and move the van. I tried to explain there was no other way to get anything in and out ( which they can see) . Waste of time trying to reason with the unreasonable .

Susan56 Sun 14-Apr-19 18:24:57

Gilly,how awful for you all and what a massive over reaction from these people.Maybe when you phone the management company explain that you were threatened.Also is it worth suggesting that maybe the management company could reallocate the parking bays so your daughter actually has a bay outside her house.I think you probably had more cause to phone the police over their threatening behaviour.I hope you all manage to get some sleep tonight.

Eglantine21 Sun 14-Apr-19 18:31:57

Hmm, You don’t think that the management company will say “You shouldn’t park in someone else’s bay. It was your action that started the dispute.”

I’m not sure they’re going to see it from Gillys point of view.

Eglantine21 Sun 14-Apr-19 18:34:37

It’s not that I don’t think it was very unpleasant for Gilly and her daughter. It’s just that when you are in the wrong, well you’re in the wrong.

gillybob Sun 14-Apr-19 18:36:00

Their bay is outside their fence as well as my DD’s gate ( it’s at right angles) Susan as the houses are built in a kind of square with all back gardens facing the car park. There is no way they would agree to swap bays. Anyway it’s not a case of needing to swap it’s just a case of being reasonable enough to allow my DD some access .

It was a complete overreaction and as I said upthread spoilt a really productive day. DD was soooo happy to finally have a proper fence and s little bit of privacy too . We Can’t wait to do the grass and little patio for them to enjoy . Just a pity the horrid neighbours have taken the niceness off it all .

gillybob Sun 14-Apr-19 18:39:14

As Baggs suggested there really must be some kind of right of access though Eglantine imagine if you had to have work done on your roof or whatever ? The woman herself had a conservatory built a couple of years back and apparently the vans took up almost the whole carpark on and off for several days . We wanted access for 20-30 minutes tops !

Susan56 Sun 14-Apr-19 18:43:27

Hope you get the rest of the garden sorted without any more unpleasantness.It will be so lovely for them when it is done.Awful the way people ruin things and so unnecessary when you explained it would just be half an hour.Some people just seem to like an argument🙄🤬

Day6 Sun 14-Apr-19 18:49:57

and so ( wrongly) assumed they would be fine with us using it to unload our van

Most people would have been perfectly fine with you using the bay just outside your daughter's house. They'd have seen you were unloading and would have understood you only needed to park there for a short time. How can people be so mean, and aggressive and loud to boot? I can understand why you feel upset gilly.

I really do not understand why people cannot be nice to each other. If your DD's neighbour used the bay it would be understandable for her to wonder why a van was parked there, but even then most people would have made polite enquiries as to how long you were going to be. No harm was done, yet these nasty people have turned nothing into something.

I don't suppose there is any way you could go back tomorrow and potter in the garden just to let these horrible neighbours aware you are on the scene? I hope your poor daughter doesn't get any aggro from them.

Eglantine21 Sun 14-Apr-19 18:53:07

I know. Shared car parks are really difficult. I’ve just moved from a house where I shared a parking courtyard with twelve other houses. Eleven of us were nice reasonable people who shared spaces depending on need, one was so territorial he parked his car across his two spaces so nobody else could use them and one thought all the parking spaces were for him and his relatives to use if nobody else was parking in them.

But even the nice, reasonable people asked first 😬

gillybob Sun 14-Apr-19 18:55:05

I’m at work tomorrow Day6 or I would go round . We are going to have to do it over a few weekends . My DD is so quiet she would be frightened if they confronted her in any way . Thank you ( and others) for understanding anyway . Eglantine is making me feel like I have committed a criminal act .

Eglantine21 Sun 14-Apr-19 18:57:05

Nooo, don’t mean to. I guess I got really cheesed off with the the “entitled” neighbour who just parked in other peoples spaces.....

paddyann Sun 14-Apr-19 19:08:09

we have a tenanted flat where a neighbour is like this.He thinks the ground outside his fence is his as well as the parking space which in reality belongs to the local council.He has caused allsorts of issues with our tenant,who is a 70 year old man with mobility problems .Tenant doesn't have a blue badge so no "right" to park in a particular place but the eegit who thinks he owns the street has a big sign up saying no parking at any time in this space....he has parked a trailer on the grass beside it overhanging it ,it to stop anyone using it.Makes my blood boil I'm tempted to take the sign down myself next time we're picking up rent.Our tenant just wants a quiet life and this man is making it difficult for him.Its NOT private property and he has no "right" to it.There is no Trespass law in Scotland ,maybe he should aquaint himself with our law