Day6, a child would still get the message that the parent is in charge if , say, ‘ I want that toy’ is answered with something like, “ you could save up for it”, or, “ maybe Santa will bring one”.
You misunderstand me. I have I hope, parented with kindness and would use the examples you have mentioned.
But there are times when "No, not now" or "No. Don't do that" suffice. Haven't most of us used the 'no look' too - one that says "Do not defy me"?
Parents have to be in charge, like it or not.
I think the word 'no' also comes with children learning there are boundaries. And sometimes we do not need to launch into an explanatory reason for our "no" response.
Parents make the rules, (oh, dirty word) not only for the safety of their children, but also for their well being and their emotional growth.
When children are older they appreciate why 'no' means no - without any psychological damage being inflicted. I am a firm believer in that the foundations for right and wrong, goodness and compassion, etc, are taught and learnt at "a mother's knee."
"No" does not mean that children live in a draconian household always feeling thwarted and deprived, does it?
We can overthink these things.
I have gone through life not expecting an explanantion