I'm embarrassed to admit to my family that infact my social circle of friends has become very small over the past few years. I feel quite envious when I see groups of ladies who are clearly very deep in conversation or hear about a real friendship.
I used to have 'girlie' nights at the house and they were great and certainly everyone said how much they'd enjoyed it but I could count on one hand the number of return invites even for a coffee . Rightly wrongly I guess to some degree I just felt for me this needs to be a two way thing. My circle is small and one friend I do have has been to my home I guess in the past three years around a dozen times for mostly just quick teas bought in from the likes of M&S and sometimes I cook. I've been to hers once for a meal and that came about because she needed a hand with work related stuff.
She sent me a text in error asking her other friend round for tea and yes it hurt which feels absolutely ridiculous as I am the age I am. We have short holiday together maybe once a year and it's good.
I'm probably now at the stage where it's just easier for me to have no expectations of friends but I do enjoy company and although surrounded by family and husband it just seems healthy to want a positive social circle. I definitely get the feeling people want to keep me at bay if I'm brutally honest, I could only admit that online. Thing is I actually genuinely don't know why. I don't think I'm in their face or ott with contact. I'm in a job with quite a bit of responsibility so I'm quite assertive by nature and have never been one to be walked over, over the years I've stood my ground on a number of occasions and it's in reality probably earned me a reputation. I'm not aggressive assertive and I've been told that however I think regardless to how skilled at being assertive you are I just don't think it's done me any favours.
It's not a great feeling I'd have to say.
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