Do any of these apply to you?

Every single one apart from no 20, unless you substitute phone for watch!

Yes, most of them; but especially 5 (made me laugh), 7 and 8.

When you stand in the supermarket queue that states "8 items or less" and you silently count the contents of everyone else's basket.

Here’s the answer to #5
m.youtube.com/watch?v=_Z5k9nWcuFc

5 and 9

When you watch the weather report on TV, and moments later can't remember what tomorrow will bring

Loved these OP, and identify particularly with 5, 8, 11, 13...

Some more for the list:
Why call it an ansaphone if it doesn't actally answer you?
A near-miss can be one of the best ways of learning life's important lessons.
If the first instruction in a recipe is "light the oven ", it is wise to ignore this until you're well into the task.
There is no point in answering Alexa back.

In lace knitting, it takes a nanosecond to drop a stitch, but several hours to find it and repair the mess it has made.

I would change no.1 to:
A best friends job is to discretely pluck/ shave your facial hair should you fall into a prolongued coma!

18, 19 & 20 are me all over!

Agree notanan!

None of these apply to me, fortunately but bad decisions certainly do make good stories - as long as you are not the main character!

Fine writing is a joy to behold - and produce. So yes, there is a point to learning 'joined up writing'

If someone points out - and can prove I'm wrong about someting - I accept it, often with gratitude because it's darned embarrassing to pontificate about something if you're wrong

I used to joke (and once won a bet) that when you see someone look at their watch, and ask them 10 seconds later, 'What's the time?' They will never, ever just say the time, they'll look again at their watch !
Try it and see.

I like the new suggestions here, especially grannyticktock's. answerphone

My 2 cents. What's the logic behind the response:
'He can't be dead, I only saw him last week!' As if their very presence made someone immortal

Love this post and done/agree all ?

Ps When a friend answered my enquiry about her mum with she died this morning, and I said in shock Youre joking' Still cringing years later.!

All of them I think! Very funny!

Love these and agree with all of them especially 19, happens every morning on my way to work.

Yes to all except my freezer does have a light !

14 is so true for me........

What a good list. I'd add "Being able to take back a tactless remark the minute it's out of one's mouth." I have inherited my dear mother's tendency to say whatever comes into the head! And I would never deliberately hurt anyone.

PS Sometimes if you're hungry it's an idea to drink something (not alcohol) - you could be dehydrated.
PPS Joined up writing is quicker than printing!

None of them really - just shocked that anyone still uses DVD’s - Blue Ray?????

None of them really - just shocked that anyone still uses DVD’s - Blue Ray?????

No. 1 should include pluck your chin and moustache hairs if you’re in a coma.

Oops just noticed earlier like thinking post! Sorry!

Notonan I so agree with that one, it's my big fear if I can't request for someone to do it. I should probably worry about the coma more I suppose ?