Gransnet forums


How do I tell them/

(141 Posts)
Grandmaclampet Tue 10-Mar-20 20:00:54

Both my husband and I are in our late 60s with heart and lung problems. We look after our two young grandchildren a few days a week because their parents work. I am worried for our health if the coronavirus reaches our town because the kids are always sneezing, rubbing grimy hands everwhere etc. They may get the virus but show no symptoms yet pass it on to us and in our health it could kill us both. How do I tell their parents that we can not look after them if the virus comes here?

tanith Tue 10-Mar-20 20:17:30

I’m sure they will understand your concerns so just tell them.

Grandmaclampet Tue 10-Mar-20 20:19:02

They rely on us so its a problem.

rosenoir Tue 10-Mar-20 20:20:08

They will not be able to rely on you if you catch the virus so I am sure they will understand.

M0nica Tue 10-Mar-20 20:22:23

You will not be the only people in your situation. I suspect thousands of family's will be in the same boat.

Hopefully the governement will make some gesture towards families facing your dilemma. Why not contact your MP and ask.

Grandmaclampet Tue 10-Mar-20 20:23:44

I am feeling so guilty. If it was just me I would have them and take my chances but I can not inflict this on my husband it would be so unfair.

Grannybags Tue 10-Mar-20 20:24:50

I would think they'll be just as worried as you are if the virus reaches your town.

I'm sure they would worry about you both getting ill.

Grandmaclampet Tue 10-Mar-20 20:24:52

Good idea M0nica

farview Tue 10-Mar-20 21:35:06

One serious funny post...hmmm

Tangerine Tue 10-Mar-20 21:39:01

I think your grandchildren's parents will understand. They will, I hope, think of your health.

Let's hope it doesn't reach your town.

JeannieB44 Tue 10-Mar-20 22:14:38

I am sure they are worried about you, people do not always put it into words. They would not want you to put yourselves at risk.

MissAdventure Tue 10-Mar-20 22:56:00

I'm sure they'll have already thought about a contingency plan.

Hetty58 Tue 10-Mar-20 23:07:57

Just let them know of your concerns for your husband's health. Perhaps they can find a childminder or local mum to take over for now. Don't wait too long either.

My son and daughter are keeping away with their kids as they worry about me. I'm 66 with just slightly high blood pressure and allergic asthma. I've started wheezing and coughing with the tree pollen this week, too!

Chestnut Tue 10-Mar-20 23:23:53

I think we are all concerned about the children and grandchildren but we really should be keeping our distance. The parents need to make other plans and also for when the schools close or if they catch it. They cannot rely on grandparents in this instance, they need help from their own generation. I think the younger ones need to step up to the plate and help each other as people did in the past, either their siblings or friends.

Summerlove Tue 10-Mar-20 23:44:25

You need to tell them ASAP so they can look into other care.

I’m sure they will understand

Namsnanny Wed 11-Mar-20 00:18:53

Presumably lots of parents will be in this position, so it may turn out to be quite difficult to find appropriate child care.

Maybe Summerlove has a point, sooner rather than later!

Purplepixie Wed 11-Mar-20 00:45:34

It's a worry but you need to be honest with them and point out that if you catch the virus then it could be serious for you both.

Grandmaclampet Wed 11-Mar-20 08:31:44

I am still allowed to have some humor!

sodapop Wed 11-Mar-20 08:54:54

Yes of course you are Grandmaclampet a little light relief is always welcome
Talk to your family about your concerns and get alternative plans ready. I do think that its the responsibility of the parents to ensure the care of their children, Grandparents should not feel guilty because they cannot always help.

Nannan2 Wed 11-Mar-20 12:02:45

Is it just me but i didnt see the funny/ humour post??

Nannan2 Wed 11-Mar-20 12:08:19

If they start closing schools then theyl probably start closing work plàces too so it wouldnt be a problem then,they could look after their own kids..anyway surely your family wouldnt expect you to look after them all day every day if schools closed,would they?? Surely that would be too much for you anyway??

Juicylucy Wed 11-Mar-20 12:08:32

Look at it another way to ease your guilt, if you were to catch it and god forbid the worst happened they wouldn’t have you to look after the grandchildren then anyway and that would be permanent at least this is just temporary. Could you not look at helping with nursery fees on the days you have them if the worst happens and it does get to your area.

Romola Wed 11-Mar-20 12:12:55

Your GC's parents may find themselves being told to work at home anyway! My DD and DS have each done "practise" day at home.

Liz46 Wed 11-Mar-20 12:17:22

My first thought was that, if my granchildren's schools close down, I would go and stay at their house but then I had second thoughts. I have bronchiectasis and have been treated for two years for a serious bacterial lung infection.

It is inconvenient for my daughter but she understands.

Dorsetcupcake61 Wed 11-Mar-20 12:18:06

I think if you are in a vulnerable group you must protect yourselves as much as you can. I am in a vulnerable group due to diabetes and work in an older peoples home. I have two daughters. The youngest lives close by and also works in care and is very anxious about my chances of getting it. My eldest is currently on holiday in Portugal with grandchildren and husband,although was a little apprehensive is enjoying. She has mentioned visiting for mothers day/Easter. Hmm I think we may all be in a different situation by then!
I'm not over worried about daughters and grandchildren as all fit and healthy and not in vulnerable group.
I think there is so much info about virus at moment,maybe too much! That said how in tune to that information are your childeren? I work with a wide age group as are my friends. Opinions vary from not at all concerned as just a bad cold to extremely concerned. I spoke to a friend today who has breast cancer and is undergoing radiotherapy and was aware of hand washing but not that you should avoid touching your face unless washed hands. Shes someone who doesnt really watch news or engage in social media. It may have been the hospital gave her a leaflet but hadn't really read it!
In summary dont assume other peoples actions are in your best interests or that they are even aware of the full implications for you.